Two Angels, A Hunter, And A Baby - softfoxfandoms (2024)

Chapter 1: The Well Kept Secret

Chapter Text

Dean Winchester always seemed to draw the short end of the stick. Whether it was fate’s design, or he just had the sh*ttiest luck known to man, it f*cked his life royally from the very start. Obviously, he had it good for the first 4 years before a demon burned his mother on a ceiling and his father went half-crazy with idolised revenge, but he couldn’t remember any of those four years so did it even really count?

Then he was tossed into a blender of failing school, hours of training from his father, weeks left alone caring for his younger brother, and dangerous hunts that ended in injuries 90% of the time. And that wasn’t even counting the abuse from his father. Did you lose the money for food? Slap. You’re failing a class. Another slap. He comes home drunk of a night? You better hide Sammy in the motel room closet and take the beating.

Protecting Sam was Dean’s lifeblood. From the bullies at school, from the monsters in the night and even from their father. If he had to take a beating so Sammy didn’t, then that was fine. He wanted his brother to have to best chance at life, so Dean gave him everything, all the support and love he was able to. And where did that leave him now?

Nowhere.

Sam had left him. Again. Even though this time it wasn’t Dean’s fault, it still hurt him. More than Sam would ever understand. He had sat Dean down and explained how he wanted to go out and find himself a Little to care for. Obviously, with Sam classified as a Caregiver, Dean knew this was inevitable, especially now that Sam was settling down with the angels. That’s right, Sam Winchester was dating an archangel and a seraph. Obviously, it made life around the bunker a little awkward as he felt like the fourth wheel in their relationship, but Dean had gritted his teeth and just powered through.

Plus, Sam seemed incredibly happy with Gabriel and Castiel. They showered him with love and affection and were always aware of Sam’s safety and health. The angel brothers did not date each other, but they had created a comfortable situation where Sam could date both of them with no jealousy and no awkwardness created. If anything, Dean thought it had made the celestial brothers grow closer in their mutual understanding and love for the taller Winchester.

As Castiel and Gabriel had become one with their vessels (their vessel's souls having passed up to heaven for various reasons), they combined with their new biological make-up and presented with their secondary genders. Both angels are now classified as Caregivers, which had Sam overjoyed. This meant they could find a Little that fit with all of them, and they could all care for the same one as a family unit. The closest Sam would get to the apple pie life he had chased for so many years. This led Sam to the decision to leave the bunker and search the country for a little that fit with himself and his boyfriends. The angels had then decided to return to heaven to clean up some of the mess left after the apocalypse world Michael fiasco until Sam returned with their Little, leaving Dean alone in the bunker.

He'd hated the silence of the halls and the echoing emptiness that bounced around the bunker, so he’d left. If he was honest, he knew he would have to eventually. Being around all those Caregivers and the pheromones they produced made it incredibly difficult to keep his secret under wraps.

Dean was a Little.

His father had started to notice the signs when Dean was reaching puberty. He wasn’t growing as tall, and he wasn’t putting on muscle mass or gaining facial and body hair. Immediately John had shut down the idea. No way was his son ever going to be one of those pathetic, low-life creatures. As an Alpha himself, he refused to let either of his offspring become a form of sub-class. He’d started training Dean harder and pushing the boy to his limits and beyond all in a desperate attempt to change an inevitable outcome.

On his sixteenth birthday, John had taken Dean to have his blood drawn for testing. Not at one of the official, well-kept government buildings for classification tests, but at a sleazy, back-alley testing unit where the classification was given directly to the patient, not attached to their official medical and government file. Dean had been confused as to why his father was taking him to such a place, he knew the importance of secondary genders from his social sciences class and didn’t understand why John hadn’t wanted his to be on record.

That was until he was handed the paper envelope enclosing his doom.

The insides had read ‘Classification: Little, Level: 3 Age range: 18-24 months”. He had felt immediately sick, and John had a look on his face as if he was considering choking Dean to death on the spot. Instead, he grabbed his son’s arm and dragged him back to the car. The drive had consisted of John screaming at a tearful Dean and then ripping up the classification note. He had dumped Dean outside the motel in the rain and left him to look after Sam for the night. The next morning John had returned, dumping a certificate that stated he was a Neutral and a bright orange prescription bottle full of little purple pills into Dean’s lap .

“The government thinks you’re a neutral. You act like one boy, you hear me? And you take those pills, that’ll stop any of your weird f*cking urges and block your headspace and eyes. Do I make myself clear?” John had practically growled at Dean, eyes flashing the signature Alpha red for a second. Dean had nodded quickly as he shook in fear and had scurried out of the motel room as quickly as possible after downing one of the pills.

The pills obviously couldn’t change much about him. Little’s were genetically built to be small and have the metabolism of a f*cking cheetah so they could remain light and easy to carry, which wasn’t great for Dean when he wanted to build muscle to fight. He remained at a short 5’6” (shorter than goddamn Gabriel) which he managed to play off by claiming to have given most of the food to Sam when growing up, resulting in his sasquatch-like size, but he did manage to build a bit of muscle. Not much but enough to be able to pass as a Neutral. He had even managed to grow a little bit of stubble thanks to the medication, though he still kept quite a young look to his complexion. He appeared to be in his early to mid-20s when he was actually in his 30s.

He had never had his eyes flash purple and he had never even attempted to touch the wall he had built in his mind to block his headspace. With John’s upbringing and festering hate towards his son’s secondary gender, Dean had grown to hate his classification the same as, if not more than, his father. He couldn’t bear to think of himself as Little in any sense of the word and he struggled with seeing Little’s out and about.

Sam had taken it as slight classification hate, trying his best to make Dean more comfortable with it over the years whilst completely unawares to the true battle happening behind his brother's eyes. Sam had even offered for Dean to join his, Castiel and Gabriel’s little family when they had found a Little.

“You may be a Neutral, Dean, but that doesn’t mean you’re uncaring,” Sam had said whilst lying on the sofa in the Dean Cave, his head in Gabriel's lap and his knees up and over Castiel, who was using them as a shelf to rest his head on his arms. All three had looked to Dean as he had shifted uncomfortably. “You could be like the fun Uncle! We’d love for you to be a part of it with us.” Sam had said with such hope in his eyes Dean couldn’t bring himself to snap at his brother, simply nodding with a small, forced smile and turning back to the film they were watching. Sam had continued to poke at him with similar offers for weeks until he had left to find the Little, Dean just trying to smile each time and not give a straight response.

It wasn’t that he hated what his brother was doing, he knew it was in his biology and he needed it to be fulfilled at some point in his life, but that didn’t stop the war inside Dean. Jealousy had reared its ugly head, strong and resilient in Dean’s stomach as the other part of him screamed at his mind obscenities and abuse for feeling this way about a part of himself that shouldn’t even exist. It was a horrible war of nature and nurture (or lack thereof).

So, Dean had left. As soon as Sam was gone, and the two angels had ascended, Dean had left the bunker. He hadn’t even left a note. He had merely cleaned out the weapons in his room and all his clothes and belongings and had loaded them all up into Baby and left. The ache for his home, his brother and his celestial friends continued to sting and burn in his chest even now as he drove down a forested road in his Baby. But this was for the best. They didn’t need him.

All he could do was hop from hunt to hunt, motel to motel, just as he had done all his life. This way he was still helping people and making the world a better place, no matter how tired he was.

Dean reached into his duffel bag on the passenger seat and pulled out his bottle of suppressants. He popped the lid and shook out a small purple pill. Grabbing a can of beer with one hand still on the wheel he cracked the top and placed the pill in his mouth, chasing it down with a swig of the alcohol. His eyes itched with tiredness and his body felt sick and heavy, he was running himself into the ground and he knew it, but he didn’t care. No one would care if he ended up on the wrong end of a werewolf’s claw so why should he?

Dean noticed the sun getting low and decided to pull into the next motel he saw. He grabbed a room from the front desk clerk and went back to Baby, grabbing his duffel and gun before making his way to his room. Once inside he flopped down on the bed, immediately feeling sleep start to stick its hooks into him and drag him down, but he couldn’t sleep. He couldn’t stop.

He shook his head hard and pushed his leaden body off the blankets, grabbing his battered laptop from his duffel and taking a seat at the table in the corner of the room. He pulled open the screen and did what he does best.

Dean looked for a hunt.

Chapter 2: Nightmares and Ghouls

Chapter Text

“f*ck!” Dean screamed, his throat hoarse and burning from obscenities ripping from his lungs. The knife carving slowly down his chest coaxing a rivulet of hot scarlet blood from his body. Dean's head fell back against the rack, his heart pounding and his stomach churning as the knife was removed from his burning chest.

“Now that wasn’t so bad was it, Dean,” the voice said above him. Dean turned his head and looked pleadingly into his baby brother’s eyes. Sam wiped his brother’s blood off the knife with a rag and smiled sickly at Dean. He reached down and grabbed a handful of salt from the bag next to the table, leaning forward and packing the wound on Dean’s chest full of crystals.

Dean let loose another blood-curdling scream, his chest feeling practically on fire. “Sammy! SAMMY PLEASE! AGHHHHHHHH!” He begged his brother to stop, tears cascading down his face. Suddenly Sam’s hand slammed down beside his brother’s head. Dean opened his eyes to see Sam’s hazel ones directly above him, their noses almost touching.

“Don’t you dare try and beg me,” Sam spat at his brother, face twisted in rage. “I’m not your Sammy, I’m a monster remember? That’s what you called me all those years ago.” Dean whimpered and looked away from his brother in guilt. Sam grabbed his face and forced him to look back into his eyes.

“You deserve this Dean, don’t ever forget that.” Sam started, an eerie smile creeping across his face. “You are a f*cking disgusting lowlife, and you deserve every bit of this pain. Everything bad always happens because of you. You ruined my life, you lied to me, you've gotten everyone I have ever cared for killed.” Sam leaned close next to Dean’s bloodied ears. “You are nothing to me,” He growled.

He suddenly leaned back and slammed the knife down into Dean’s thigh, being rewarded with a piercing scream.

Dean jerked awake, the remnants of his final scream barely passing his lips before rising nausea cut it off. He slammed a hand over his mouth and sprinted to the bathroom, dropping to his knees and sticking his head over the porcelain bowl seconds before his stomach emptied. He felt hot tears squeezing from his eyes as his body lurched painfully with every gag.

Eventually, after what seemed like forever, his stomach calmed, and his body went lax. Dean sucked in deep breaths, his forehead leaning on the seat of the toilet as images from his nightmare swirled in his mind. When had he even fallen asleep? The last thing he remembered was looking for a hunt on his laptop. God, he was glad he was alone. Sammy would’ve been all over him like a rash, his eyes glowing a strong orange signifying his Caregiver status.

Dean let out a deep sigh and slowly pushed himself off the floor. He flushed the toilet, mainly filled with bile and stomach acid. When was the last time he ate? Oh well, he could just grab a protein bar from his bag in a bit. Leaning over the sink he ran the water and splashed it on his face, making sure to get some in his mouth so he could swill out the sour taste remaining.

He studied himself in the mirror. He was pale and had huge bags under his eyes, his face looking a little gaunter than usual due to his inconsistent diet on the road without Sam there reminding him to stop for food. He rubbed at the red lattice shape on his cheek, he must’ve fallen asleep on his keyboard. “Huh, never thought I’d see myself with this sh*t,” he chuckled half-heartedly to himself, remembering all the times he had seen Sam sporting a similar pattern after a long night of research.

He splashed water on his face once more before he turned off the tap and left the bathroom. His laptop was still on the table, open on a local news website. He couldn’t have been asleep for too long then as the laptop hadn’t died. It was also barely becoming light outside. Dean sat down again, rubbed his eyes, and started scanning the news sites again for any possible omens.

A ping from his phone on the table dragged him away from his search. He flipped over the phone and saw a text from Sam pop up on the screen. ‘Hey Dean, you ok man?’

It had been two months since he had left the bunker and Sam had started messaging him just a little over a week ago. First in abject panic as to Dean’s sudden disappearance of himself and all his belongings from the bunker before resigning to general check-in texts every couple of days.

Dean knew what Sam’s return to the bunker meant. He had found a Little for himself, and by the wording of some of the texts he had received, Dean had concluded that Castiel and Gabriel were back from heaven too. That made it official. Sam and the angels had their family. They didn’t need him anymore.

Sam hadn’t actually mentioned the new Little to Dean but what other reason would he be back at the bunker for, with both angels as well? And it wasn’t like Dean wanted to know anyway, he still felt the pangs of jealousy slithering from his stomach into his chest.

Sam had tried to convince him to come back at first, but Dean had skirted around the subject and tried to just joke as much as possible with his brother. Eventually, Sam had given up and just started checking in on his brother, Dean discovering that if he just sent back a simple thumbs-up emoji then his little brother was satisfied. So, Dean did just that, responding to the text with the emoji and throwing his phone back on the table so he could focus on the laptop again.

A graveyard in Terrebonne, Oregon was experiencing grave robberies and missing bodies. The news report stated how it was causing uproar within the local community and distress over the missing family members from their coffins. Dean clocked the suspicious activity, and his mind immediately went to one thing. Ghouls.

This was a textbook ghoul case, simple and easy. Luckily Dean was just happening to stay in a motel on the outskirts of Terrebonne and the graveyard with the missing corpses was just a ten-minute drive away. He smirked and stood, slamming the laptop closed, chucking it into his duffel bag and zipping it shut. He threw on his jacket and slipped his gun into the back of his waistband.

He unwrapped a protein bar from his bag and crammed it in his mouth. There’s his food for the day, and thanks to his couple hours of cat nap earlier he was good to go for a couple more days. Well, ‘good’ maybe not but he could make it another couple days without collapsing. He shook another suppressant from the pill bottle and swallowed it dry before tucking them into his jacket and grabbing the room key.

Dean dropped the key with the receptionist and hopped in Baby, chucking his bag on the seat next to him. He revved the engine and stuck his Styx tape into the radio console. ‘Renegade’ began to blast through the car.

He drummed on the steering wheel as he pulled Baby out of the parking lot and streamed down the road towards the unsuspecting ghoul’s location.

Chapter 3: Ghoul Hunts Suck

Chapter Text

The gravel of the parking lot crunched under Baby as he pulled her into a space and into park. Dean stepped out of the car and went straight to the trunk, popping the hood and lifting the lid to the secret compartment. He filed through the various weapons and grabbed his large machete, slipping the sheath clip through his belt loop and clipping it in place. He put his trusty, pearl-handled colt in the back of his waistband and a container of salt in his pocket just in case his deduction was wrong.

He slammed the trunk closed and took a breath. As he turned to walk, he was hit with an intense wave of dizziness, nausea suddenly climbing his throat as the world tilted and spun. Dean staggered and grabbed Baby for balance, blinking his eyes hard as he willed away the dizzy spell. f*ck, what was wrong with him? Was it the lack of sleep? The lack of food? Was there a mass smiting nearby he didn’t know about?

It was strange, it didn’t feel like what usually happened when he was particularly sleep-deprived or starved. God he better not be coming down with something, he didn’t want either Gabriel or Cas popping up to check on him only to find him sick. They’d zap him straight back to the bunker before he could even sneeze.

His thought process screeched to a halt as he felt his stomach drop, almost as if he were on a rollercoaster. He tasted a coppery, metallic taste in his mouth, almost like blood. He smacked his lips in displeasure and grimaced as the taste strengthened.

Suddenly his breathing hitched as his entire body stiffened. He tried to move his legs, his arms, even just turning his head. Nothing. He was stiff as a board. What the f*ck was happening!? He could feel his lungs starting to burn from the lack of oxygen and panic was spreading its stinging tendrils through his body. He was going to die here, stuck, and unable to move or breathe.

Suddenly the stiffness dropped, and his body relaxed. Dean gasped as his legs collapsed beneath him, sending his knees painfully into the sharp gravel. On all fours, he started gasping in air, gulping down the oxygen he was just starved of. His vision had stopped swimming when the stiffness occurred and now he looked around for any sign of monsters that could have f*cked with his body.

He turned to sit on his butt and scooted back until he hit Baby, leaning against her as he continued to breathe deeply. His eyes kept flitting around the car park and the cemetery beyond, looking for any sign of anything that could explain what just happened.

“What the f*ck,” he breathed out slowly in an attempt to control his haggard breathing. He felt like he had run a mile. “What the f*ck was that, body?” He asked, looking down at himself as if his flesh would answer him. Little blood spots were blooming through his jeans from where his knees had met the sharp stones beneath him.

Dean took a final deep breath and pushed his legs up from beneath him, using Baby to pull himself up. He stood straight and shook out both legs and arms before he clicked his neck, eyes still surveying the car park for a sinister third party. When his search came up blank he shook his head. That wasn’t a monster, that was all him. He’d have time to worry about it later though, right now he had a hunt to finish and a ghoul to decapitate.

Traipsing through the gate into the cemetery, Dean could see immediately why the locals had been so perturbed. Below the head of multiple gravestones lay small mounds of dirt, signifying the tunnels beneath that would be met with a now empty casket. The body having been snatched out and taken somewhere for the ghoul to feast upon.

Dean moved slowly through the rows of headstones, eyes scanning the scenery slowly. Reading the gravestones as he passed, Dean found the ghoul had a particular sweet tooth for men who had died in their thirties. Nearly every grave with a small mound next to it was that of a young man in his thirties who had died for whatever reason, their bodies all now being disturbed and whisked away for some freaky buffet. What a sick bitch.

Dean popped open the sleeve of his machete and rested his hand on the hilt, moving slowly towards the only building on the lot. An old, decrepit cottage in the back corner of the field. The windows were all smashed, probably by some punk kids, and the roof half collapsed in on itself. Perfect for a ghoul to squat in. He reached the doorway and leaned through, head whipping from side to side as he surveyed the destroyed inside of the house.

He pulled the machete from its sheath at his side and held it defensively in front of him, slowly edging his way through the doorless frame. Once he wasn’t immediately attacked by the monster, Dean gained the confidence to move around the house easily. He checked every room, holding the knife out ready to swig should the corpse muncher show its ugly face.

After checking every room on the first floor and finding nothing, Dean resolved that the creature was probably hiding out in the basem*nt, the door of which he had passed near the front of the house. He quickly made his way back to the door and nudged it open, cringing at the loud squeaking noise. Holding his machete with two hands, he slipped through the door and crouched down the stairs.

Rounding the corner he was met with a grim sight. Arms, legs, and various body parts lay strewn haphazardly across the room, like a teenager with their dirty clothes. Men’s torsos lay in a pile in one corner whilst a pile of heads resided in another, the cloudy, blank stares of the dead sending a chill up Dean’s spine. And the smell, God the smell was f*cking awful. Dean’s eyes watered slightly as he used his sleeve to cover his nose and mouth.

Creeping forward into the room he squinted in the semi-darkness, looking for any signs of movement or life that would give away the monster in amongst its feast. Straightening up after no luck, he used his machete to poke at a couple of the limbs near his feet. Poor bastards, they’d just been trying to be dead peacefully.

He scratched the back of his head and whipped out his phone, checking the time. If the ghoul wasn’t here, then where was it? This was obviously its nest but had his sudden appearance at the cemetery caused it to skip town? Maybe he could stay here and hide in a corner for a few hours, see if it would come back.

A sharp blow to the back of his head caused him to stumble forward, the machete and his phone slipping from his grip as he threw his hands out to stop from face-planting. Black spots danced in his vision as he turned onto his back to stare up at the ghoul. His muddied hair and clothes matched the appearance of one of the heads Dean had spotted on the pile earlier, his latest dinner. The ghoul had a sick twisted smile on his face as he looked down at Dean groaning on the floor, holding a crowbar in his hands.

Dean tried to lift his head but the sudden onslaught of dizziness and nausea as stars exploded in his vision had him groaning again. He felt the ghoul grab his ankles and start pulling him towards the table on the right of the room. He tried to kick free of the monster's grip, but his legs weren’t responding. f*ck, that dick had really done a number on his head. How was he going to get out of this one? Sam was too far away, and his phone was back on the floor where he fell.

Oh sh*t, Sammy. He won’t know what happened to Dean. If Dean knew his brother, and he does, Sammy would never let this go. He would beat himself up about it for years and years, preventing himself from ever being truly happy and practically ruining his own life in compensation for the loss of his older brother. Dean couldn’t let that happen, but how was he going to get out of this?

He blinked hard and felt his vision start to clear, the back of his head pounding as the adrenaline and shock of the situation drained away. Looking around he found himself tied down to the table, his arms tied so they were hung over the edge, wrists hovering above two large jars. His legs were tied down and an extra rope was binding his middle to the wooden table. When the f*ck had he been put on the table? He must’ve blacked out.

The ghoul entered his vision with a large knife in his hands, a huge grin splitting his face. “Well, well, Dean Winchester,” He began, leaning close over Dean. “Famous hunter of monsters? I got to say, you were pretty easy to take down, don’t really live up to your name.” The ghoul giggled like a little girl, strange in comparison to its rugged, masculine face.

Dean grimaced and leaned away from the invasion of his personal space, the comments stinging his pride. “God, man, your breath smells f*cking awful,” Dean spat. “Never heard of mouthwash?”

The ghoul giggled again, seeming to find Dean’s venom hilarious. “Oh, bite all you want, dog, you’re still stuck on my table,” The ghoul perched on the table and gripped Dean’s right wrist. Dean tried twisting his wrist in the grip to break free, but the ghoul was too strong. The monster grinned at him as he slowly dug the tip of the large knife into the soft skin of Dean’s wrist, dragging it up to the crook of his elbow. Dean squeezed his eyes shut and threw his head back, clenching his jaws shut not willing to make a noise and satisfy the sick creature.

He felt the hot blood pouring from his wrist down his hand and off his fingers into the large jar below. “You see, even though you did a pretty sh*t job back there, you are still Dean Winchester,” the ghoul continued, hopping off the table and crossing to the other side, grabbing Dean’s left wrist, and copying the motion he did on the right. Dean’s blood now pouring out of him from two deep wounds into the jars below. “I can sell this blood on the dark web. Tons of monsters would love the taste of the blood of the Righteous Man, and then I can eat your dead body!”

Dean lay still, his arms going numb and the pain of the deep gashes seeping away. f*ck, f*ck, f*ck! This wasn’t good. The sound of rushing water in his ears was drowning out the still chattering ghoul and his vision was starting to dance with stars again. The darkness was creeping in from the sides and Dean felt his chest clench with fear. Fear and sorrow. He’d never gotten to say goodbye to Sammy., He shouldn’t have run off like that, he should’ve tried to be more supportive instead of a selfish f*cking child. He didn’t even get to say goodbye to Cas or Gabe.

Wait.

Cas and Gabe!

How f*cking stupid was he to forget that he literally knew two angels who could fly to wherever he was.

“Castiel, Angel of Thursday. Archangel Gabriel….” Dean muttered, struggling to get his words out as his mouth ceased cooperation. His head was both swimming and starting to numb slowly, thoughts slipping away as he tried to grab them. What was he saying again? Oh yeah! “…help…” he muttered out slowly.

He waited for the flash of light or flutter of wings that signalled the arrival of the celestials, but there was nothing. Just the sound of the ghoul still blabbering on about the consistency of dead meat or whatever. They weren’t coming, were they? Dean felt hope abandon him as he closed his eyes, a tear slipping out silently.

Suddenly a huge BOOM shook the basem*nt and lights flashed behind Dean’s closed eyes. Dean heard the ghoul shriek in pain and the sound of a blade swinging into flesh and bone. Dean continued to watch the light show through his eyelids and let out a shaky breath. ‘They came,’ he thought, a small smile gracing his lips. Suddenly there was pulling at the bindings on his wrists and legs as hands covered the gashes draining his blood.

He cracked his eyes open and saw Gabriel and Castiel frantically untying knots with one hand whilst the other rested each on one of his wrist wounds. Both angels had bright burning orange eyes at the stress of the situation, their Caregiver instincts flaring up against their will. Gabriel turned to see Dean’s bleary eyes open and looking at him.

“Dean! Dean hey buddy,” he said, reaching up to cup the man’s face. It had been a shock for him and Castiel. One minute they were eating lunch with Sam, the next they heard Dean begging for help via prayer and they had flown here to a horrible sight. Dean was pale and sweaty, he looked skinny and gaunt as if he hadn’t been eating and he had huge bags under his eyes. He was tied to a table, his blood pouring from his wrists into two jars as a particularly gleeful ghoul chatted at the barely conscious man.

Rubbing his thumb on Dean’s cheek Gabriel kept pressure on the man’s right wrist, holding together the split skin. “It’s okay Dean, we’ll get you out of here just stay awake sweetheart,” Castiel cut across, the nickname popping into his speech signifying his instincts in overdrive. Dean sluggishly looked across to Castiel. He knew the angels would get him out of there, but he felt fuzzy and numb, his brain was going dark and he didn’t think he could stop it.

He felt Cas gathering him up into his arms, Gabriel now keeping pressure on both Dean’s wrists. In the care of the angels, Dean felt safe and slowly his eyes slipped close against his will. He could hear Cas and Gabe trying to talk to him, but it was no use.

He was out.

Chapter 4: Sammy's Angels

Chapter Text

Sam sat in the middle of the large couch in the Dean Cave, knees tucked up to his chest and his arms wrapped around them securely. There was some random channel playing on the TV but he wasn’t paying attention, he was too wrapped up in his own head as he replayed the events of the past three hours on a loop.

Sam had been enjoying his lunch with the angels. He knew they didn’t have to eat but they always tried to join him for every meal, and the thought put into it made Sam’s heart flutter. They had been discussing some changes they could make to the bunker when Gabe and Cas both suddenly froze, eyes glazing over as they do when listening to a prayer. Sam instantly knew something was up, no one tended to pray directly to the angels bar him and Dean. Gabe disappeared with the sound of wings and Castiel cast him a terrified look before following.

Left in the sudden silence mid-meal he couldn’t bring himself to eat anymore, choosing instead to sit and wait for both his boyfriends' return. Situations swirled in his brain, mainly about Dean and what could be wrong, though the angels hadn’t actually said anything before leaving. However, Castiel’s look of terror before departing had struck him to his core. He could feel him working himself up and his instincts pushing at the edges of his consciousness, the faint amber glow his eyes were casting onto his salad confirming this. He just couldn’t shake the thought that this was something to do with Dean and something was horribly, horribly wrong.

His worst thoughts were confirmed when a flutter of wings dragged his attention up from his plate and he saw his partners return. Castiel landed heavily with the added weight of Sam’s older brother limp in his arms as Gabriel stood in front of him, hands clamped down on two incredibly deep and long gashes running up Dean’s inner forearms that were pumping blood out from between Gabe’s already slick fingers. Both angels had looks of panic and horror on their faces, eyes burning a deep bright orange as they turned and started to hurry down the corridor from the kitchen to Dean’s abandoned room.

Sam felt himself pale as he caught sight of his brother, looking so small and pale and vulnerable. His instincts were screaming at him now as he jumped out of his seat and sprinted after the angels. What the f*ck had happened? Those gashes, did Dean do them himself? No, he couldn’t have. Right?

Sam barged into the room behind the angels and watched as they laid Dean on his old bed, Castiel stepping back and allowing Gabriel to start mending Dean’s wounds with his grace. Sam couldn’t move from the end of Dean’s bed, watching on and waiting for his brother to move or say anything. His heart was pounding so hard in his chest that he thought it was going to burst out. Cas noticed his boyfriend’s breathing starting to become erratic and laboured.

He stepped forward and cupped Sam’s face in his hands, turning Sam’s attention to him. His heart broke a little at the lost and terrified look in Sam’s watery orange eyes, tears slipping silently down his face. “What…What happened Cas?” Sam asked, voice cracking from emotion. Cas sighed and rubbed his thumb over Sam’s cheek.

“I don’t know Sam,” Cas started. “We heard him praying for us and he sounded so…weak and scared, we just flew as fast as we could. He was tied down on a table and a ghoul was draining his blood to sell, I assume with the intent of having Dean’s notoriety amongst monsters as a sales point.” Cas watched as Sam sighed in what appeared to be relief. He co*cked his head in confusion and Sam let out a small watery chuckle at the motion.

“Oh, Cas…I thought he’d done that to himself…” He croaked out, and Castiel’s eyes widened at the revelation. Sam’s eyes gathered more tears as the relief overwhelmed him. “I thought he was trying to leave me Cas,” he managed to choke out before his boyfriend pulled him down and embraced him. Sam let himself sob into the shorter man’s shoulder, feeling safe and warm and knowing his other boyfriend was saving his brother’s life beside him.

“Right,” Gabriel cut across, walking over to Sam and snapping his fingers, effectively clearing the blood from his hands and both angel’s clothes. Sam felt Gabe rest a hand softly on his lower back and rub in circles as he stood straight, wiping the tears from his face. “I’ve closed the wounds and replenished a large majority of the blood he lost, but that’s all I could do. He’s still got to let his body replenish the rest of the blood.”

“When’s he gonna wake up?” Sam asked, both his boyfriends noticing the amber glow in his eyes was still burning bright. Their own instincts having already been subdued thanks to the rescue and the mending of Dean’s wounds. The brothers shared a concerned look before turning back to their agitated lover.

“I’m not sure, babe, could be an hour, could be tomorrow. It all depends on Dean,” Gabriel stated, still rubbing Sam’s back. “Right now, he just needs to rest, alright?” Sam nodded, eyes still focused on his blood-covered brother on the bed. Castiel shared a sad look with his brother, they needed to let Sam give in to his instincts before he did damage to his psyche. Denying or not giving in to secondary gender instincts can cause catastrophic psychological damage to a person and can cause physical health issues too. Neither angel wanted their boyfriend to hurt himself by accident.

“Sam,” Cas said, pulling Sam’s attention away from Dean to look into the angel’s eyes. “I had to fly pretty fast and hard to get to Dean, my wings hurt and I'm exhausted.”

“Yeah, Sammich, healing those wounds and replenishing all that blood has really taken it out of me,” Gabriel added rolling his shoulders and giving his neck a much-needed click. Catching on to what his boyfriends were doing, Sam gave a small smile and grabbed a hand off each of them, dragging them out of the room and down towards the Dean Cave.

He opened the door and sat both his boyfriends down on either end of the couch, grabbing two blankets from the trunk next to the end of the couch and tucking them around the two angels. He planted a kiss on each of their foreheads and nestled himself between them, pulling them both close to his side and allowing them to snuggle into his warmth. The angels both let out contented sighs, their nerves calmed slightly by the pheromones rolling off their boyfriend. What supplied them with mild relaxation would have knocked out a Little, Sub or Pet with how agitated Sam was.

They had sat like that for a while, Sam’s eyes slowly fading back to their usual hazel hue with both his boyfriends curled snugly against him and the TV playing some random show. Eventually, Castiel had gotten up to clean the kitchen of their abandoned lunch and Gabe had left to quickly grab Baby from the cemetery parking lot where they had said they found Dean at.

So that left Sam where he was now, sitting on the couch alone and worrying over the safety of his brother. It had hit him hard when he’d returned to Dean and all his belongings just gone from the bunker. He’d felt hurt and betrayed but mostly just worried for his brother’s safety. Yes, Dean was an efficient hunter and a lethal killer, but he was also really small. Sam knew it was his fault, Dean had made sure his little brother was fed well as a child, meaning he went without often, but he was still really small for a guy. And Sam knew he was a Neutral too, but he couldn’t help the intense feeling of protectiveness that came every time he was around Dean. He didn’t understand why he felt his instincts start to stir in his mind whenever Dean was around. He’d only ever felt that happening around people letting off submissive class pheromones, so he didn’t understand feeling this way around his older brother. Perhaps it was the fact that he was family or that he was just so much bigger than Dean.

Whatever the reason, it caused Sam a lot of turmoil. He didn’t know what to do with himself around Dean a lot of the time as his brother was so stubborn and strong-minded that he hated having help. He hated being pitied and he hated having to rely on anyone for anything. The few slip-ups Sam had around Dean hadn’t been received too well but in his defence, Dean was knocking on death’s door a majority of those times, so anyone would have expected him to act that way, classifications aside.

Sam shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts and pushed himself off the couch. He stretched his legs, clicking the knees, and made his way out of the Dean Cave to find Cas. He wanted a hug, and he wanted it now.

Walking down the corridor he passed Dean’s room and resisted the urge to open the door and peek in, not wanting to accidentally stir him. He made it to the kitchen to see Castiel finishing up the dishes, putting the last pot away in the cupboard and drying his hands on the towel. Sam walked up behind Cas, confident that he knew he was there, and wrapped his arms around his trenchcoated waist. He rested his chin on Cas’s shoulder and sighed, breathing in his boyfriend’s scent.

“You okay, honey?” Cas questioned. Sam smiled at the nickname; he loved Cas’s affinity for bees. He hummed out a response and dug his face into the side of Cas’s neck. Cas shivered at the contact and smiled. “You want some tea?” he asked, feeling Sam nod in response. He knew when Sam wanted a hug really bad he turned into a limpet, practically hanging off his back with whatever he was doing. His best bet was to get a warm drink ready and sit Sam in a chair so he could turn and hug into Cas’s torso rather than craning his neck down to his shoulder.

Cas set about making a cup of ginger and lemon tea with a spoonful of honey in Sam’s moose mug that Gabe had thought was a hilarious gift but had quickly become Sam’s favourite. It was a large brown mug with moose antlers as handles at the side and the word “SAMOOSE” in beige bubble writing around the side. He grabbed the full mug and walked over to the table, Sam shuffling along behind him, still pressed against Cas’s back with his arms around him and his head in his neck.

Cas placed the mug and turned around in Sam’s grip, gently pushing the tall man down onto a kitchen seat and letting Sam move his arms around his hips. Sam pressed his face into Cas’s stomach and hung on, absorbing the warmth and safety he felt. Cas rested one arm around Sam’s shoulders and let the other card through the long brown locks pressed against his torso. He relished these small moments. These moments where Sam completely let his guard down and let Cas just hold him. It made his heart feel warm and his instincts purr. He was content to stand here like this all day if the tall man wanted it.

“You guys having a cuddle party without me?” Gabriel called with mock anger as he strolled into the room from the library. Castiel almost rolled his eyes at his brother's intrusion but just grinned instead at the second warm feeling that bloomed in him at seeing his brother back safe. Cas watched as Sam silently raised his arm towards Gabe and made a beckoning motion before tapping at the space at the table opposite him. Gabe gave Cas a knowing smirk and slid into the seat, taking Sam’s hand and drawing random patterns up and down the man’s arm with his fingers. Cas was pretty sure he noticed his brother drawing the shape of multiple penises, but he just let it slide.

“I got Baby in the garage now Sammy, that should avoid one meltdown when Dean wakes up,” Gabe said, still drawing the patterns on Sam’s arm. Sam hummed in response, the angels noticing his breathing becoming more slowed. He’d tired himself out when he was all worked up earlier, not allowing himself to nap with the angels on the sofa whilst his instincts urged him to watch over them. He was sagging now in the care of both his angels.

He would have fallen asleep if his ears hadn’t picked up the sound of shuffling footsteps coming from the hallway.

Chapter 5: Family Affair

Chapter Text

Dean’s head felt fuzzy and heavy when he woke. He slowly slid his eyes open, gauging his surroundings. The last thing he remembered was Gabriel and Castiel showing up at the ghoul’s basem*nt and then nothing. How long had he been out?

He could feel the bed beneath him, and it was familiar. Given the fact that the angels had come to save him, he guessed he was in his old room on his memory foam bed that he had loved so much. It had actually pained him to part with the luscious bed, trading it for the sh*tty motel beds that were just dirty and plain uncomfortable.

Sitting up slowly Dean felt his limbs were all heavy and almost unwilling to move. Reaching up to rub his eyes, he suddenly remembered why he’d had to be saved. He whipped his wrists out in front of him and found only smooth skin caked in dry blood, the magical work of an angel no doubt. He rubbed the smooth skin and sighed in relief, thank god they’d arrived in time. On any other day, he would have not even cared he was going to die, but he just couldn’t leave things that way with Sammy after running away from him.

Sammy. If Dean was in the bunker, then Sam was definitely here as well. He felt a small pit of dread open up in his stomach at the thought of confronting his younger brother. How was Sam going to react? He’d run out on him and then almost got himself killed. Not to mention he was definitely going to comment on Dean’s horrible condition.

Dean swung his legs over the edge of the bed, wincing at the scratchiness of his clothes. Another genetic potluck win, not. Little’s have extremely delicate skin, so delicate that their clothes have to be made specifically for them. Dean had never owned any of said clothes as they stood out too much, though he’d stared longingly at them plenty of times on the racks at clothing stores. He had to wear normal clothes to pull off the guise of being a Neutral, but it meant that more often than not he broke out in horrible red rashes, and he dealt with a constant itching feeling all over his body. The dried blood mixed onto his clothes didn’t help at all and just aggravated his skin further. He shrugged off his jacket in favour of leaving it on the bed and sparing his forearms from the assault.

He pushed himself off the bed and swayed for a second, his head swimming slightly from what he could only assume was blood loss. He shuffled slowly to the closed door, leaning heavily on the bedframe and the walls. He made his way into the corridor and listened, wondering where everyone was. He heard a muffled slice of conversation floating down from the kitchen, so he decided to head in that direction.

It was more difficult than he thought, having to shuffle down the hall using the wall as a crutch with his legs practically collapsing underneath him every step he took. Eventually, he made it to the doorway of the kitchen, rounding the corner and leaning heavily against the doorless frame. In front of him was a scene that made him smile, Sam was sitting at the table, leaning into Castiel with one arm wrapped tightly around the angel’s hips and his face pressed into his stomach. Gabriel was sat opposite Sam, his younger brother’s other hand being held by the archangel as he traced his fingers up and down his forearm. Dean felt a horrible pang of want shoot through him at the domestic scene, his skin itching for that level of affection as well as from the bloodied clothing he wore.

The moment was ended though when Sam’s head snapped up to look straight at Dean, his tired eyes suddenly widening and starting to glow a faint goldenrod colour. “Dean, oh my god, Dean!” Sam broke out of both angels’ grasps and beelined to his brother, almost tackling him in a hug. Dean staggered and winced a little at the impact before letting go of the wall and wrapping his arms around his giant brother. “Hey, Sammy,” he let the hug go on for a moment before he patted his brother’s back, signalling him to let go and he obliged. However, he refused to let go fully, choosing instead to hold his brother up with an arm around his waist.

“Dean, god you didn’t have to get up. Why didn’t you call for one of us?” Sam mother-henned as he led Dean over to the table, Castiel shuffling sideways to let Dean sit in the chair Sam had abandoned.

“Nah, I’m not a puss* Sam. A little blood loss never stopped me.” That got him bitchface #5 as Sam quickly took the seat on Dean’s left, leaving Castiel to round the table and take a seat next to his brother.

Dean took a sigh, mentally preparing himself for the conversation about to happen. “Hey, so…I guess I should say thanks for coming to save me. So…thanks,” he said sheepishly, looking down at the table and picking a little at the varnish. Castiel reached across diagonally and rested his hand on Dean’s, stopping the nervous motion.

“You don’t have to thank us, Dean. When you call, we come, no matter the situation,” Castiel smiled at him. Dean’s mouth twitched at the corner in a smile, the warm feeling in his stomach returning as his mind started to feel a little funny. This sent a jolt of panic through his system and he withdrew his hand from under Castiel’s, seeing the slightly hurt look on the angel’s face in his peripherals.

He needed his meds. He hadn’t had his next dose and now he was surrounded by three caregivers, one of whom was currently under the influence of their instincts and was letting off a small dose of pheromones. Dean could feel his brother’s pheromones starting to have an effect on him, making him feel relaxed and making his mind grow fuzzier. He shook his head a little bit in an effort to clear his mind and it worked slightly.

The men around him however took his head shake as him disagreeing with Castiel’s statement. Sam wrapped his arm around Dean’s shoulder and drew him close. “No, no, Dean, Cas is right,” Sam said softly, Dean tensed in his grip as the pheromone smell grew stronger. “Gabe and Cas may love me differently to how they love you but that doesn’t mean they won’t ever be there to help you, sweetheart.” Sam slipped up, his instincts forcing their way into his speech.

Dean cringed and pulled away from his brother, trying to keep the crumbling wall in his mind intact. He would rather die than have that secret revealed. “Don’t call me that,” he said, perhaps a little more venomously than he meant to. He noticed Sam shrink away a little, mumbling an apology under his breath as his amber eyes faded a little to a lighter pumpkin colour. Dean sighed, knowing his brother hadn’t meant it and instantly feeling like an asshole from the looks he received from both Castiel and Gabriel.

“Look, I’m sorry, just…today has been a lot. In fact, these past two months have been a lot.” He said, leaning forward on his elbows and putting his face in his hands. The exhaustion of the past two months seemed to be hitting him all at once, the hunger too. It seemed the slight reprieve in his usual non-stop lifestyle he had adopted created a catalyst for the neglect his body had been enduring to crash in on him all at once. His shoulders sagged as his stomach stung.

Sam saw his brother deflate and knew he felt bad. “It’s alright Dean,” he started, rubbing a hand between Dean’s shoulder blades. “I’m not going to ask why you left in the first place, I get that you weren’t entirely too comfortable with having a Little in the bunker. But the way that you’ve clearly been neglecting yourself and your needs is not okay.”

“You look like a skeleton, Dean-o,” Gabe continued, getting Dean to look up from his hands at the angel who had yet to speak to him. “I was terrified when we arrived, you were so pale and gaunt I thought we were too late, that you were already dead. I was genuinely scared.” Dean searched Gabriel’s eyes for any sort of deceit. It had taken him a while to get over his distrust of the archangel and he now saw him as a close friend, but that didn’t mean he never doubted what he said.

“Wait,” Dean said, cutting back to what Sam had said. “That’s right you were looking for a Little. What happened? Where is the little tyke?” He saw Castiel shift a little and look at the table with a blank expression, Gabriel looking away as well.

“It…it didn’t work out okay,” Sam said, looking down at Dean. “It’s alright though…” Dean studied the forlorn expression on his younger brother’s face and felt a pang of sorrow for him. He also felt a little guilty. He was sitting right in front of his brother, the one thing he knew he and both the angels needed, yet he was too f*cking scared of his own genealogy that he was being selfish and keeping it a secret.

“Oh, damn dude I’m sorry. I know how much that meant to you,” Dean sympathised, patting his brother on the arm. “And you two as well,” he nodded at both angels, and they gave small, sad smiles.

“Anyway, stop changing the subject Dean,” Sam butted in, waving his arm dismissively. “When was the last time you ate? Slept? Even washed I mean, you look grimy dude,” Sam scrunched his nose at his brother and Dean looked at him in mock offence.

“Well, I just had a super long nap in there courtesy of blood loss so that was fun,” he started, slapping a smile on to cover his fatigue, and trying to lighten the mood. “And how dare you! I look beautiful, is red not my colour?” Gabe and Sam winced at the poor joke about his appearance, but Castiel didn’t miss the skipped question.

“Dean,” he said, garnering the shortest man’s attention. He leaned forward and clasped his hands in front of him, serious mode engaged. “You didn’t answer the question.”

Dean felt his gaze locked with Castiel. He just couldn’t look away. The younger angel’s eyes were glowing a faint orange and now the room was being filled with even more pheromones. Dean hoped his eyes weren’t starting to glow purple. God, he needed his f*cking meds.

Dean chuckled a little nervously, eyes still locked on Castiel’s. “What, uh, what do you mean?” he cleared his throat a little. Cas saw Gabriel and Sam shift to look at Dean too, both their eyes now also glowing faintly as they realised the situation. Dean was finally able to look away from Castiel as the other two also rounded on him. He was now being stared down by three pairs of orange eyes and he felt himself shrink a little under the gazes.

No. Wait a minute. He was Dean f*cking Winchester. Why was he cowering under their stares? They were quite intimidating, and he felt like he was being scolded by his parents, but he shouldn’t be reacting like this. He was meant to be showing as a Neutral, but he just couldn’t stop his reaction.

“Dean,” Gabriel said sternly, Dean snapped his attention to him. “When did you eat last?”

Dean looked down at the table, he couldn’t bear the orange stares for much longer. “I mean, I had a protein bar before I left to kill the ghoul earlier,” he started, unable to stop himself from answering the commanding voice. f*ck, he really needed to get to the pills in his jacket. “But I haven’t had a proper meal in like, five-six days?” Damn. He was in deep sh*t now.

He flinched back, expecting a blow upside the head or a loud voice to yell at him, but nothing. He peeked open an eye and saw three worried faces looking back at him. Not angry but concerned, concerned for his welfare. “Why aren’t you shouting?” He asked, confused. The three other men shared a look before turning back to him.

“Dean, we aren’t mad at you,” Sam started, sighing and leaning against the table. “We’re just…disappointed.”

And damn if that didn’t f*cking hurt more. Dean felt his heart clench as he looked at the angels, both looking at him for a second before looking away, the disappointment also evident on their faces. Dean opened his mouth to say something but found he couldn’t, so he looked down at the table, his hands fidgeting in his lap. He heard Sam mutter something to his partners and them responding in such, but he couldn’t hear them. Tears prickled his eyes as the Caregiver pheromones swam in the room, he couldn’t stop them.

The first sob surprised even Dean. The room fell silent, Sam and the angels looking at Dean with shocked expressions. The second sob came louder than the first, then the third, then the fourth, then Dean was up and running clumsily towards his room. His legs were heavy under him as he ran and his vision was blurry as hot tears streaked his face. He could hear his brother and the angels getting up to follow him. He ran into his room and grabbed the jacket off the bed, pulling the orange bottle out and shaking out a pill before swallowing it dry. He shoved the bottle under his pillow before he collapsed against the wall and slid down, pulling his knees up to his chest and crying into them.

Goddamn, this was hard. How was he going to live here? He just had to leave as soon as possible. But how was he going to do that to Sammy again? And what possible excuse could he make this time? Those stupid pheromones were making sh*t so difficult, they’d made him cry in front of the only people he has left in his life. God, what were they going to think of him now? Maybe they’d figured it out? Oh no, oh f*ck, no, no, no. Dean felt his breathing quicken as the room seemed to shrink on him, his lungs begging for more air.

Sam made it to his brother’s door, Gabe and Cas close behind. He shared a quick look with them before pushing open the door. What he saw broke his heart. Dean was curled up in the corner, his back against the wall and his head on his knees, sobbing his heart out. Sam had never seen his older brother like this, so vulnerable and small. It set his instincts into overdrive, but he was comforted in knowing he wasn’t the only one. Both Cas and Gabe’s eyes also burned like fire at the sight of the small man.

Sam noticed that Dean’s breathing was becoming erratic and quick, signalling a panic attack. Sam moved forward and crouched in front of Dean, placing a hand on his shaking shoulder. Dean flinched hard but he didn’t let go, instead he spoke. “Dean, it’s alright, you’re okay. You’re in the bunker with me and Cas and Gabe,” Sam rubbed his thumb in calming circles knowing the movement had helped calm Dean before. He felt Cas and Gabe come and crouch either side of him, choosing to let the Winchester brothers tackle this together but staying close for moral support.

Sam watched as Dean detached one arm from his legs and flailed it around frantically in front of him, trying to find where his little brother was. Sam took hold of his wrist and leaned forward, pulling Dean’s palm to rest against his chest knowing it was what Dean wanted. He sat like that, taking deep breaths and holding Dean’s hand against his chest so he could copy the breathing rhythm. It reminded him of Dean’s teenage years when he’d had to sit and calm his brother like this more than a few times. It had been how his father had started to get the inkling that Sam might present as a Caregiver.

Eventually, Dean managed to control his breathing and he lifted his head from his knees, resting it back against the wall and looking at the three men in front of him. He was met with glowing eyes, and he felt guilty about all he’d put them through that day, triggering their instincts multiple times had to have been annoying.

“Dean, get out of your head man,” Sam said, giving Dean a sad smile. “I can see you getting lost in there again, just stay here with us.” Dean looked to Castiel and Gabriel, both of them giving him reassuring smiles.

“I’m sorry,” he croaked, his voice hoarse from crying. “I’m really sorry I swear I didn’t do it on purpose, I just didn’t have time and I kept moving I had to keep moving I couldn’t stop…” he ended with a whimper, tears threatening to fall again. He took a deep shuddering breath and blew it out hard. Sam was rubbing his thumb on his shoulder as Castiel reached forward to do the same on his knee, Gabriel choosing to sit back but remaining close enough for comfort.

“It’s alright, Dean,” Gabe said pulling Dean’s attention, “At least you’re back now, that way we can make sure you stay healthy much easier than if you’re out there alone.” Dean blanched a little at the sentence. sh*t, they really wanted him to stay. He looked back at Sam and Cas, noticing they were waiting for him to respond. Sam was giving him that stupid puppy-eyes look that melted Dean’s resolve every time, and this time was no different. f*ck.

“Yeah,” he sighed, resigning himself to his fate. “Yeah, I’ll stay.” His mind whirled with the worry of how he was going to pull this off whilst keeping his secret under wraps, but the looks on his brother's and friends' faces made his heart warm. Sam pulled Dean forward into a hug and squeezed him, Gabe and Cas both leaning in to create a group hug.

The hug lasted for a moment before Dean’s stomach growling cut it off. They all chuckled, and Dean blushed a little in embarrassment. The hug was broken, and Dean was hauled to his feet and escorted to the kitchen where he was sat at the table with Sam and Castiel as Gabriel made dinner.

He tried his best to chat with the three men, the pheromones in the room having dissipated made it easier for the meds to keep his instincts under check. But that didn’t stop the war raging in his head. His heart versus his head.

All he knew was he had to keep his Little sh*t under wraps. No matter what.

Chapter 6: Really? Nemo?

Chapter Text

The past few days in the bunker since his panic attack had been slow for Dean, agonisingly so. Being constantly around not just one but three Caregivers was hell, especially when all those Caregivers were constantly worrying over him and having their instincts triggered daily. The sheer number of pheromones now stuck in the air of the bunker was driving Dean insane. It was so much harder to keep his Little side suppressed when he was constantly being stimulated by the invisible scent particles.

It had gotten so bad that he had noticed his eyes fading into a light lilac colour for the first time in his room mirror after he had quickly departed from a conversation with Sam and both angels, all of whom were in their headspaces over a comment he’d stupidly made on his lack of sleep. He had been taking his suppressants regularly just as he was meant to, but they didn’t seem to be working anymore. He’d had no choice but to change his dose from one pill every 5-6 hours to two pills every 4 hours.

He supposed it wasn’t healthy, especially since it was an illegal drug, but what f*cking choice did he have? Plus he’d actually lost his beard because of the stupid pills not working. The hair follicles had died and fallen out, leaving his face baby smooth with not even a five o’clock shadow present. It was like he’d never had any scruff at all and he was pissed about it. All that hard work growing it for nothing.

Not only that, but something else was really wrong with him. Besides the crippling mental health issues. The episode he had experienced in the parking lot with Baby before hunting the ghoul was playing on his mind, and the even scarier part was it had happened again.

The evening of the following day after his panic attack he had been in his room just reading on his bed when he’d felt that same stomach-dropping sensation and the metallic taste flooded his mouth. Suddenly his muscles had all clenched and he had slipped straight off the bed, hitting the concrete floor hard. He had hoped the first time had been a fluke, a side effect of his shot nerves and unhealthy lifestyle, but this time he was in an environment where he felt safe. Hiding the large bruise on his arm from the impact had been difficult the next day, to say the least.

Dean hoped if he ignored it, it would go away. Yeah, that seemed naïve but what choice did he have? Hospitals were a big no-no for him and if he told any of the other men in the bunker, he was sure to be dragged to a doctor. He just had to grit it out and bear it.

Dean was in the shooting range, aiming his gun down the range at the humanoid shape. He had taken a paint marker and drawn a pair of angry red eyes and a goofy smile with big fangs on the face of the target. He unloaded the pistol’s clip into the cardboard target, effectively shredding the monster-esque face. Smirking to himself he ejected the pistol clip with swagger and bowed to the target. “Suck it bitch, never beat the ace Winchester,” he said co*ckily.

“Nice one, Butch Cassidy,” came a voice from the doorway. Dean jumped and spun around, aiming the gun straight at his younger brother who was grinning at him with an eyebrow raised and his arms crossed as he leaned on the doorframe. “Not gonna do much with an ejected clip, Dean.”

“Jesus f*cking Christ, Sammy,” Dean spat angrily, lowering the gun and throwing it on the range table along with the empty clip. “Don’t scare a man like that, you’re gonna give me a heart attack bitch.” He rubbed his eyes a little, they were itching bad. Sam’s face shifted into one of slight concern.

“You okay, Dean? You sleep okay last night?” He kept his distance from his brother, choosing to stay in the doorway. He’d just got Dean back and he didn’t want to accidentally start crossing boundaries. Dean just glared at him, which didn’t have as much effect as he thought. He just looked like an angry little hedgehog, his tired eyes all squinted and puffy, and his hair spiked up all over the place.

“You think I haven’t been sleeping in my amazing memory foam bed that you mocked me for when we first arrived?” Dean asked incredulously, trying to suppress a yawn rising in his throat. “Of course I have idiot, that thing is way better than those gross motel beds I’ve been on.”

He was absolutely bare-faced lying to Sam. Dean hadn’t slept at all. When everyone would hit the hay, Sam heading to his room and the angels heading to their respective ones to ‘rest their eyes’, Dean would end up sitting on his bed and reading through any lore he could. Anything to keep him awake, because he knew if he fell asleep, he would see f*cking horrible things and would wake up screaming. Sammy and the angels already thought he was f*cked up as it was, he didn’t need to fuel their desire to smother him with care.

Sam gave him a look; he knew when Dean was lying. Dean just stared at him defiantly. They stood in silence for a second before Sam broke it. “Whatever, dude, you just look like sh*t. Come on, Gabe’s just been out to get snacks, so we are all going to watch a movie. No Dean, all of us,” he cut across, raising his hand to stop Dean who had opened his mouth to protest.

Dean groaned for a moment before sighing and walking towards Sam. “Fine, but he better have bought liquorice,” he said grumpily as he pushed past the tall man who huffed out a chuckle.

“Yeah, he got some of your dirt candy don’t worry,” Sam said, falling into step with his short brother.

“Dude, I am not having this argument with you again,” Dean said loudly, gesturing with his hands. “Liquorice deserves to have a space on the Movie Snack Wall of Fame, okay? Just because you have no taste in anything doesn’t mean I don’t.” Sam chuckled at his brother’s antics and shook his head.

“Yeah, that’s right. You know I’m right, bitch,” Dean jabbed with a smirk.

“Jerk,” Sam responded, elbowing Dean into the wall as they walked into the Dean Cave. The two noticed that Castiel and Gabriel were waiting for them, Cas sat in the armchair with his feet up on the coffee table and Gabriel sat on the side of the couch closest to his brother. The two angels were having a quiet conversation and cut off when the bickering brothers entered. Sam jogged forward and plonked down in the seat next to Gabriel, throwing his arm over the shorter angel’s shoulders and pecking him on the cheek with a grin.

Dean trudged forward and snatched the bag of liquorice off the table before grabbing a blanket from the chest and slumping on the couch next to his giant brother. “What movie are we even watching?” he asked, trying to crane to see the case tucked next to Cas in the armchair.

“I picked one I thought looked good,” the younger angel shrugged, popping another kernel of popcorn in his mouth. Dean groaned and leaned back in the chair.

“We are f*cking doomed then,” he grumbled. Crossing his arms and munching on a piece of liquorice from the bag. Gabriel and Sam laughed as Cas glared at Dean before pressing the on button for the TV, they laughed even harder when the menu screen for Finding Nemo popped up and Dean groaned even louder.

“Dude! Really? Nemo?” Dean looked to Castiel who just shrugged and pressed play. Dean grumbled under his breath and leaned back, pulling the blanket up around himself and shuffling down to get more comfortable. The movie started and the group watched as Nemo’s mother became a barracuda’s dinner as well as all of Nemo’s siblings.

“Damn, you would’ve thought she’d hide her kids better, huh?” Gabe commented, his mouth full of M&Ms.

“Gabe,” Sam said wearing bitchface #32. “She’s a fish.”

“So? I’d hide my kids better, plus I’d be a way sexier fish than her,” Gabe grinned at Sam, his teeth all chocolatey. Sam rolled his eyes and focused back on the screen. Dean wasn’t really paying attention. As soon as the movie had started and he was snug under the blanket, he felt his eyelids starting to droop, sleep trying its best to pull him under.

By the time Nemo was swimming out to touch the boat, Dean’s head was dropping, and he kept snapping it back up, jerking himself awake again. Sam noticed this and slowly took his arm off Gabe’s shoulder, the angel looking at him in confusion and Castiel looked over at the movement. Sam motioned towards Dean’s slowly slumping form with his head and both angels peered over at him, watching with a smile as Dean jerked his head up again, eyes blinking blearily.

Sam gently wrapped his arm around Dean’s shoulder and pulled him down towards his lap. Expecting some sort of fight he was surprised when Dean went a little limp and lay down willingly, his head resting on Sam’s lap and his body curled up around his family-sized bag of barely touched liquorice. Sam adjusted the blanket, so his brother was covered and kept snug and, in a moment of bravery, reached down and carded a hand through his spiky hair. Dean didn’t even flinch, sighing deeply and relaxing under the affection already fast asleep.

Sam’s lips quirked in a smile at the peaceful innocence of his sleeping brother. “Wow, he must have been really tired,” Cas commented from the armchair, watching with a smile. “I thought he’d been sleeping better since he came home?”

“I don’t know,” Sam frowned, looking up at his boyfriends. “I mean, he goes to his room every night but are we sure he’s sleeping? You should’ve seen him earlier in the gun range, he was going to shoot me with a gun that had no magazine in it.” Sam said, recalling the earlier events.

“He has been kind of out of it since he got back like something is on his mind,” Gabe added. “He’s also been super flighty, have you noticed?” Sam nodded and hummed at his boyfriend’s words; he glanced back down at the small sleeping form resting on him before looking back at the movie on screen.

“We can talk about it later, just let him sleep for now,” he said, seeing both angels nod and turn back to the movie in his peripherals. They watched the rest of the movie, Castiel particularly enjoying the positivity of the little blue fish with memory loss. Just as they were watching Nemo’s daring escape from the dentist with the help of Gill, Sam felt Dean shift in his lap.

He looked down and noticed the pained, terrified expression plaguing his brother's face. His eyebrows knitted in concern as a whine escaped from Dean’s mouth. Both angels suddenly snapped their attention from the movie at the sound, their celestial senses feeling the terror and pain radiating from the sleeping man.

“Sam, Sam I think he’s having a nightma-” Cas was cut off as a scream ripped from Dean’s throat. The feeling of a relaxed body in Sam’s lap was gone as Dean’s entire body tensed, curling tightly into a ball with his hands lodged in his hair, his bag of liquorice falling forgotten to the floor. The angels jumped into action, rushing to Dean’s side as Sam shook his screaming brother. All three men’s eyes were aglow.

“Dean! Dean, you need to wake up!” Sam shook Dean’s shoulders as another scream mixed with sobs broke free of the short man’s lungs. Gabriel and Castiel cringed at the noise, not knowing what to do. Tears streaked down Dean’s face and Sam’s eyes were welling at the sight of his brother trapped in his tortured mind. Suddenly Gabriel had an idea.

“Sam!” he yelled over the screams, his boyfriend looking up at him with watery orange eyes. “Cover your ears!” he motioned with his hands and watched as Sam clamped his hands over his ears and nodded. Castiel stepped back, knowing what his brother was going to do. Gabriel’s closed his eyes and opened them, the orange now mixed with a pure celestial blue.

“DEAN!” he yelled, mixing his angelic voice with his mortal one, cutting through the nightmarish scenes in Dean’s head and ripping the man from his sleep with a final scream. Dean shot upright as the remnants of the scream tore past his lips. He panted heavily for a second before the nausea that followed every nightmare bubbled up in his throat. He launched off the sofa and sprinted out the doorway, Sam and the angels calling after him.

He barrelled down the hallway hearing the footsteps behind him and slammed open the door to the bathroom. He skidded to a stop in front of one of the stalls and burst through the door, landing hard on his knees and sticking his head over the toilet bowl just as his stomach emptied. It hurt a lot more this time as he’d been fed well, chunks of half-digested food battering the sides of his throat as the acid burned him. His body lurched with every gag, his stomach clenching horribly and his lungs burning from lack of oxygen.

He heard footsteps behind him before a large, warm hand rested on his back and rubbed comforting circles. He sobbed as he dry heaved, his stomach empty but his body unwilling to stop as he clutched at the seat of the toilet with white knuckles. He heard Sam and the angels muttering behind him, probably wondering what the f*ck had happened. He’d had another nightmare, this time he wasn’t in control of his body as Sam, Gabriel and Cas all lay on the rack. He had tortured them and listened to them scream and beg for him to stop. It had been horrifying.

The images swam in his mind, and he felt his mind getting a little fuzzy, his emotions slipping out of his control as his body ceased its heaving. He needed his meds but right now he didn’t care, he fell back from the toilet, straight into Sam’s arms and curled towards his brother's chest, sobbing into his shirt.

Sam was shocked when Dean had suddenly bolted from the room after his nightmare, but that had nothing on right now as Dean finished throwing up and collapsed backwards, straight into his arms. He now held his sobbing brother on the floor of the bathroom as he clung to him as if his life depended on it. Sam looked up at the two angels with burning orange eyes full of concern, seeing similarly glowing eyes looking back at him.

“I’m sorry,” Dean mumbled between tears in Sam’s arms, his breath getting out of control as he hyperventilated. He couldn’t slow down; he couldn’t catch his breath at all. He heard Sam say something to him, but his vision was swimming and there was the sound of rushing water in his ears, muffling everything around him.

Suddenly he felt that dreaded dropping sensation in his stomach. He panicked more as a pressure built up at the top of his neck and the copper taste returned to his mouth and filled his nose with a metallic sting. This felt different, this wasn’t right. What was happening? Dean panicked as the pressure building at his neck suddenly broke and shot to the end of all his limbs.

Then everything went black.

Chapter 7: ER Waiting Rooms

Chapter Text

Sam held his sobbing brother on the floor of the bathroom, the smell of vomit still wavering in the air from the open seat in front of him. He motioned with his head to Gabriel who nodded and waved his hand, the toilet emptying of its own accord and the smell dissipating. Sam looked down at his brother, the glow from his eyes casting a slight orange hue onto the top of the smaller man’s head.

“I’m sorry,” he heard Dean sob into his chest. He looked back up at the angels with teary eyes, full of pain at his brother's words. Both angels' eyes were also burning bright.

“No, Dean, no,” he started looking back down, noting how Dean’s breathing was becoming laboured and strained between sobs, as if he couldn’t catch his breath. “You haven’t done anything wrong sweetheart.” He silently cursed himself for the slip-up and held Dean tighter as if he was going to run away again.

“Sam, his breathing is getting worse,” Cas said from where he was standing by the sinks, hands fidgeting. Sam looked down at Dean and saw a sweat breaking out on his brother's forehead as his breathing grew quicker and quicker. Dean’s head suddenly snapped up to look at him and Sam watched in horror as green eyes rolled back into his brother’s head, his entire body tensing. His arms clamping against his chest and his legs straightening.

“Gabe! Cas! What’s happening?!” Sam yelled in panic as Dean’s tense body started convulsing, arms and legs jerking painfully as his head snapped back and his back arched. Sam struggled not to drop Dean and instead shuffled backwards, dragging Dean out of the stall with him and lying him on the cold tile while crouching next to him. Both angels rushed forward at the horrendous sight.

“Dean! DEAN!” Sam screamed, tears dripping down his face as his brother's limbs smacked the floor with grotesque thwapping sounds. Castiel lunged forward and ripped off his trench coat, balling it up and slipping it under the convulsing man’s head to prevent it from cracking on the floor any more than it just had. Gabriel, having seen something similar before watched the clock on the wall. One minute passed, then two, then three. f*ck this wasn’t good. Still, Dean convulsed on the floor, drool dripping from his mouth and his pants soaked through from his bladder giving out on him mid-seizure.

Suddenly the convulsions ceased, Dean’s body going limp and only the sound of Sam’s sobbing left. Gabriel rushed forward and scooped the man up. He looked at his brother. “I’m taking him to the hospital, that went on for way too long. You take care of Sammy.” Castiel nodded to him and then he and Dean disappeared with the sound of wings. Castiel looked to Sam who was on the floor near the stall Dean had thrown up in, arms pulled to his chest and his hands covering his ears.

Cas stepped forward and knelt in front of the sobbing man whose eyes were screwed shut, tears slipping out despite them being shut so tightly. He placed a soft hand on Sam’s shoulder, the man’s eyes snapping open, no longer a glowing gold but just the usual hazel misted in fear and confusion. Cas’s eyes burned brighter at the sight and Sam launched himself forward into his boyfriend’s arms, latching on to his blazer and sobbing into his shoulder. Cas just wrapped his arms tightly around the upset man and squeezed as tight as he could.

The pressure surrounding him helped ground Sam. Slowly, getting a grip back on his emotions, he pulled out of Cas’s arms and wiped his face, his serious side taking over and his eyes starting to glow a faint amber again with concern for his brother.

“Where did he go, Cas? What happened?” he asked with a croaky voice, eyes scanning the now empty room. He wiped his face a few more times and sniffed hard to clear his nose.

“Gabe flew him to the hospital,” Cas responded rubbing circles on Sam’s shoulder in comfort. “He said something about the seizure going on for too long and just took him.”

“Seizure? So, it was a seizure?” Sam asked, Cas nodding in response. His mind kept running back to why the hell Dean might have had a seizure, but right now his boyfriend needed him. He stood up and held a hand out to Sam, pulling him up when he took it and not letting go.

“We need to go now, okay? They won’t let Gabriel follow Dean in and you’re the only blood relative he has,” Cas said.

“Yeah, Yeah okay let's go,” Sam responded, standing straight and wiping his face once more. Castiel opened his wings and took off, quickly landing at the side of the hospital and catching Sam as he stumbled slightly. They rounded the front of the building, rushed through the front doors and saw the signs for the Dominant Wing, the Submissive Wing, the Neutral and Paediatric Wing, and the Emergency Room. They raced down the corridor marked by the last sign and were met with an incredibly busy waiting room.

The sight of a short man with slicked-back hair standing with his back to them with crossed arms and a bouncing leg drew their attention. They rushed forward and pulled Gabriel around by the shoulder to face them being met with burning orange eyes and a stony expression. His face softened as he saw them both and he threw his arms around them, drawing them in for a hug. They felt him shaking as he breathed out heavily. Sam wrapped his arms around Gabriel in comfort before he pulled back. “Where is he? Did they take him back somewhere?” He asked the shorter man.

“Yeah, um, sit down I’ll tell you everything,” Gabe said as he pinched the bridge of his nose. All three found a seat in the waiting room together and listened as Gabriel explained what had happened.

He started with how he’d arrived right outside the front doors of the hospital and just mojo-ed the memories of the witnesses, so they believed he didn’t appear out of thin air. He had practically run through the front doors and yelled as loud as he could for help. The front desk workers had called some of the emergency crew through from the ER with a gurney and Dean was quickly loaded onto it. The team began jogging down the corridor back towards the ER with Gabe running behind trying to answer their questions as the team listened to the small man’s heart and strapped an oxygen mask onto his face as they moved. Gabe had given Dean's name and told them what had happened, answering ‘Neutral’ when the doctor running beside him asked Dean’s classification. The doctor had looked down at Dean on the bed and looked back to Gabriel with a strange look the short angel couldn’t understand before they took off into the back of the ER and left him behind in the waiting room. A few minutes after Sam and Cas had arrived.

“Why did he give you a look?” Sam asked once his boyfriend had finished his explanation. Cas sat beside him with a hand on his knee, looking on intently.

“I honestly don’t know, I didn’t even think to scan his mind I was so frazzled over everything that was happening. I’m sorry Sammy,” Gabe finished looking deflated and sad. Sam cupped the angel’s face with his hand and lifted him to meet his gaze.

“It’s alright Gabe, I’m just glad you got Dean here and got him back there quickly. God knows how sh*t ER waiting room times are,” Sam said with a smile, leaning forward and planting a chaste kiss on Gabe’s lips. Then he turned and did the same for Castiel, kissing him quickly before leaning back into him as Gabe grabbed his hand.

“Honestly, if Father knew, he’d probably laugh about it. f*cking dick,” Gabe muttered and fiddled with Sam’s fingers as they waited. Cas snorted a laugh in agreement and wrapped his arm around Sam’s shoulders as he leaned against his side. They stayed that way for four hours, Sam taking a short nap for an hour halfway through leaving the angels to each other's company.

“I just don’t understand why Dean had a seizure,” Castiel said as he adjusted Sam slightly who was leaning heavily against him, his head flopped on his shoulder and his brown hair dangling in front of his face. “What could be wrong with him? I thought he was fine.”

“We all did, Cassy,” Gabe responded, leaning over and pulling Sam’s hair from out his face and tucking it behind his ear. “You can’t beat yourself up over it, none of us can. We just need to wait and see what the doctor says. He’s in the best place for this,” Gabe patted Cas’s leg before leaning back in his chair and going back to drawing circles on Sam’s hand.

After Sam had woken up, they were only waiting for another hour before a doctor in white stepped into the room. Many people’s heads raised in hope at the sight of the man but slumped back down as he spoke. “Family of Dean Winchester?”

“That’s us!” Sam said loudly, jumping up from his seat and pulling the two angels up with him. Gabe had given the Winchester’s true name as he had scrubbed any trace of the men from the internet and FBI bases as well as erasing any memories in the minds of the public that had to do with their crimes and status’ as fugitives, giving the two men the ability to walk around freely and use their own names for important stuff. It was a ‘getting-even-gift’ as stated by Sam as payback for killing his brother so many times and trapping him in a loop with that god-awful Asia song that he still couldn’t bring himself to listen to.

“I’m Sam Winchester, these are my partners,” Sam said as he shook the doctor’s outstretched hand. The man in white copied the movement for both angels before motioning the men to follow him down the corridor.

“I’m Doctor Bradley,” the man said as he walked, flicking through the papers on the clipboard in front of him. “I’m very glad you brought Dean in today, a few things have come to light and you are going to face some drastic changes sadly.” The three men trailing the doctor shared a worried look as they walked.

“So, the good news,” Doctor Bradley continued. “Dean’s seizure, despite its length, didn’t cause any lasting damage to his brain. Apart from a few bruises on his arms and legs from the impacts when he was convulsing, his body is perfectly fine.” Sam sighed in relief and saw both angels lose a bit of their tension in his peripherals.

“Did you find out why he seized?” Sam asked as they all turned a corner, heading towards the junction of corridors for the hospital wings, meaning Dean had been moved from the ER to a ward.

“We ran a few tests and scans on his brain and yes, we did find the cause. Due to some repeated head trauma we found due to some concussions and the prolonged use of a highly dangerous drug, we believe Dean has developed Epilepsy.” The doctor said, slowing to a stop in the corridor junction, each corridor now leading to a different wing. Nurses, doctors and family members bustle past the small group now stationary in the middle of the corridor.

“Epilepsy?” Sam questioned. “What kind of epilepsy?”

“We believe it may be a mixture of Focal and Generalised Epilepsy. It’s hard to tell what kind of seizures Dean will experience from now on. He suffered a Grand Mal otherwise known as a Tonic-Clonic seizure today though I doubt this is the first type of seizure he has experienced. And he is sure to experience many more.” The doctor looked at each member of the group as they processed what the man was saying.

“So, you’re saying he’s had some kind of seizure before, and he just didn’t tell us?” Gabriel questioned, receiving a sad nod from the doctor who was studying all three men’s eyes which were glowing a faint orange.

“Wait a minute,” Castiel piped up, looking to the doctor with a pale face that scared both Gabriel and Sam. “Did you say ‘prolonged use of a dangerous drug’?” The doctor sighed and lowered his eyes as the realisation also dawned on Sam and Gabriel making them blanch.

“It appears that the cause of today’s rather severe tonic-clonic for Dean was a heightened dose of an illegal and, quite frankly, very dangerous drug called ‘Suppressol B Type 4’ that we found in his system when we tested his blood.” The doctor said slowly.

“Suppressol?” said Gabe. “Isn’t Suppressol for classification suppression? Why would Dean need that?”

“Yeah, he’s a neutral. Dad took him to be tested when he was sixteen,” Sam chipped in, eyebrows knitted in confusion.

“Mr Winchester, there was no official classification statement affixed to Dean’s medical history file.” The doctor continued, shifting his clipboard in his hands. “There was a statement claiming he was Neutral but upon my closer inspection today it holds no official watermark, and no serial number matches the document. It was a forgery.” All three men stared in disbelief at the doctor, everything they thought they knew about Dean crashing down around them, making them question everything.

“Why would Dad do that? Why would he do that to Dean, take that identity away from him?” Sam said, fists curling in anger towards his deceased father. Castiel slipped his hand into one of Sam’s and gave it a squeeze, offering comfort. Sam took a deep breath and calmed his mind.

“He’s never gone into headspace around any of us, that can’t be healthy. Especially with the drugs as well,” Gabriel stated. The doctor nodded in agreement.

“We don’t believe Dean has ever slipped or dropped at all, except for on his 21^st birthday. No number of drugs can halt that first biological shift.” The doctor said as Sam shook his head in suppressed rage at John Winchester.

“You said slipped or dropped, is Dean a sub-class?” Gabriel questioned, catching Sam’s attention and drawing him back into the conversation.

“Yes, Dean is a sub-class,” the doctor started.

“That’s why he did it,” Sam cut across, realisation hitting him. “Dad was always such a classist, he hated sub-class people, especially Littles he f*cking despised them. I never knew why and I still don’t understand why now.” The doctor shuffled uncomfortably at Sam’s words. “What is it?” Sam questioned, peering at the doctor.

“Nothing, just that things make a lot more sense now with Dean’s reaction when he woke up,” the doctor said.

“Wait, Dean is awake? Can we see him?” Sam said stepping forward, the doctor nodded and motioned for them to follow him into the Submissive Wing. The walked a short corridor before stopping at an elevator, the doctor pressing to call it.

“This news may come as a shock, but I believe it is best to tell you now before we get up to the ward,” the doctor said with a sigh, turning back to the three Caregivers.

“Dean is a Little.”

Chapter 8: Rock and a Hard Place

Chapter Text

The three Caregivers stood in shocked silence as the elevator dinged open, Doctor Bradley having to physically usher them all inside before the doors closed. They were speechless, everything they ever thought they knew about Dean was shifting and warping in their head to try and fit the new information in. Sam watched as the doctor reached over to the buttons on the elevator, each button corresponding with the eye colour of the subclass whose ward it led to. Pink for Subs, green for Pets, yellow for Betas and purple for Littles. The doctor quickly pressed the button next to the purple label and the elevator jolted into motion.

“He’s a Little?” Castiel broke the silence, almost making Sam flinch. He looked over to the younger angel, seeing the seraph’s face full of confusion and almost paling in comparison to his usual complexion. The doctor nodded in his peripherals and Sam looked over to Gabriel, the archangel staring back at him with wide, shocked eyes.

How could he have been so blind? Dean was small, he had no facial hair and he was guessing he had no body hair either. He was never very good at building muscle. He was always a slightly more sensitive child growing up until he hit his sixteenth birthday, after that he was a walking poster boy for toxic masculinity that dripped with self-loathing. Sam rubbed a hand over his face to compose himself.

“What level is he? What age range?” he asked, looking back to the doctor. Both angels doing the same.

“Well, we ran the usual test and Dean presented as a level 3 Little,” the doctor started.

“Woah, wait, level 3?” Sam cut across, shocked at that news. “How can he have survived this long with no drops or slips? We’re all level 2 Caregivers and we enter our headspaces almost daily. Level 3 classes are meant to spend more time in their headspace than out of them.”

“That’s the most worrying part of this situation,” said Doctor Bradley. “It's honestly a miracle that Dean has survived this long, though I suppose the medication had a big deal to do with it. He was on one of the most powerful illegal suppressants I have ever seen. When we tested his hormone levels, though, he exceeded the range that we would use to class him as level 3, he has one of the highest Neotropic hormone counts I have ever seen.”

The elevator pinged as the doors slid open, revealing the colourful corridors of the Little Ward. The small group stepped out and walked to the right into a large day room full of toys and Littles in soft hospital gowns playing with their Caregivers. All three of the Caregivers felt a pang of jealousy and sadness seeing the happy families but instead focused on the doctor.

“We’ve managed to pin him around the 18-24 month range. I understand that is young for a Little, but it really does vary, Dean isn’t the only one I have met in this age range.” Sam and the angels all felt their eyes widen. Really, he was that young? The doctor continued, flipping his papers on the clipboard he still clutched in his arms. “We suspect the reason the suppressant stopped working is due to Dean’s long and constant use of them, rendering them eventually useless. However, because of this Dean’s body is now suffering the consequences of prolonged and denied instinctual failure. His heart is struggling, and his brain is firing off on wrong neurons, making it more likely to send him into another severe epileptic seizure.”

Sam felt his instincts kick in and saw the orange glow from his eyes casting onto the doctor in front of him. He glanced at the two angels and saw both of their eyes burning brightly too. Doctor Bradley motioned for them to follow him, and he began down the ward to the single rooms.

“How can we help him?” Gabriel asked as they walked, struggling to keep up with the group due to his slightly shorter legs.

“The way we help Dean is with an accommodated slip,” the doctor spoke, glancing back at the archangel. “It has to be a slip brought on by natural hormone creation to stimulate his processing centre and he will need the help of Caregivers to do so.” Doctor Bradley then turned to Sam. “Mr Winchester, I understand that you are a Caregiver, but we have had to label you as Dean’s legal guardian. Not to fulfil that role but because you are the only living blood relative we can find for him. I hope that isn’t too disruptive?”

“No, no it’s alright,” Sam answered, waving a hand. “We don’t have our own Little to care for so there won’t be any clashes or anything, and we already all live together with him.”

The doctor nodded, seeming pleased with the answer. “Usually, we would try and find a level 3 Caregiver for Dean but those are few and far between, and especially with Dean’s situation we believe it will be best for him to be with those he already trusts.” The doctor stopped outside a room with the blinds pulled, a security guard stationed outside of the room sporting a nasty black eye. He turned to face the three Caregivers. “As you are all Level 2, I’m sure you can find a way to make it work and help Dean. And you never know, maybe it will lead to an adoption for the four of you.”

Sam gave a small nervous smile to the doctor, his mind currently a tornado inside his head. He was still beating himself up for being so oblivious to his brother in pain, he was so focused on chasing the life he wanted he completely disregarded his older brother, who ironically turned out to be exactly what he had been searching for all these years. It was a f*cking rollercoaster of emotions, and he didn’t know what to feel. Doctor Bradley, meanwhile, had turned to the security guard.

“Has he tried to leave at all?” he asked politely. The security guard grunted before replying.

“Nah, not since that first time. He was loud for a while then about ten minutes ago I heard him crying. He’s stopped now though,” the guard said in a gruff, low voice.

“And you didn’t get someone to check on him?” Castiel cut across, eyes burning a bright orange and his face twisted in obvious rage at the guard. The large security man scoffed at the angel.

“Brat’s probably faking to try and make a run again. I’m not stepping in that room again with the right hook he’s got on him,” the guard paused and gestured to his black eye. “Little sh*t can cry himself out for all I care.”

“What the f*ck dude?” Sam said loudly, stepping forward to try and get in the man’s face as he towered over him. Gabriel and Cas both leapt forward and held him back, Cas stepping in front and pulling Sam’s face down to meet his gaze. Sam stared into his partners’ eyes, both of them willing him not to make a scene. He closed his eyes and took a breath, slowly relaxing his hands he had never even noticed had balled into fists. He opened his eyes again and nodded at the angels, they let him go and stepped back to his sides, remaining close for comfort. He looked at the doctor again who had backed off slightly and was giving the security guard a hard stare.

“Can we just see him please?” He asked, the doctor looking back over to him and giving him a nod. He opened the door and let all three men step through before him, each man glaring at the security guard as they stepped through.

“Sammy! Oh, thank god,” Dean’s voice cried, pulling Sam out of his anger, and making him flick towards the small man on the bed. Dean suddenly looked so much more vulnerable than he ever had before, and Sam felt his heart pinch. Dean slipped off the side of the bed and landed on the floor, his legs shaking a little at the impact as he was so high off the ground. He wore a soft hospital gown covered in dinosaurs and made of the material that Littles could tolerate. It made Sam wince internally to think of how Dean’s skin had suffered all those years with the clothes he wore.

“Sam, tell them I’m not a Little! They won’t listen to me. I’m not meant to be here I’m a Neutral and you know it,” Dean pleaded with Sam walking over to the men now staring dumbly at him next to the door as the doctor walked in and shut the door behind him.

“Dean…” Sam started, looking his brother up and down, cringing at the green and yellow bruises that dotted his arms and legs, his mind flicking back to that horrible moment in the bathroom. “Why did you do it? Why did you take those drugs?” Sam watched as Dean blanched slightly at the question before he composed himself.

“What the hell are you on about Sammy? Whatever douche-face here said is bullsh*t.” Dean glared at the doctor as he spoke, the man looking at him with a mixture of sympathy and concern. “Look I’m a Neutral, okay? We can stay here and find out what’s wrong with me but just get me to the Neutral Ward, not this freaky circus place where they treat me like a baby.”

“No Dean,” Gabriel cut across, Dean turning to look at him. “They’ve run the test. We know now. You don’t need to hide it anymore, you can be yourself.” Gabriel said stepping forward as he raised his hands in an ‘I mean peace’ gesture.

“No! What? Shut up, I’m not a Little!” Dean yelled, backing up against his bed. He was really backed into a corner, how the f*ck was he going to get out of this one? “I’m not a Little!” He yelled again at the Caregivers and doctor in front of him. Though it was more at himself, his mind was going fuzzy and he hated it.

“Dean, it’s okay,” Sam said stepping forward next to Gabriel, Cas stepping with him. Dean shrank back even more, his breath was starting to quicken and he felt like a trapped animal. “Look, I don’t know what Dad said or did-”

“Shut up Sam!” Dean yelled. “I’m not a Little! I’m not! I’m not! I’M NOT!” he practically screamed the last word. f*ck, his chest was killing him, his heartbeat felt strange and way too hard. He clutched a hand at his chest and stared blindly up at his brother. “Sammy, my heart hurts…” he muttered.

“Woah, okay Dean, it’s okay,” Sam rushed forward and held his brother up by his arms. “Just copy my breathing, yeah? You’ve worked yourself up too much, just breathe. Big in, big out.” Dean reached out his hand and put it on Sammy’s chest, feeling the rise and fall of his breathing and copying it. Soon his heart rate lowered, and it didn’t hurt so much anymore. He looked up into Sam’s burning eyes and nodded, his brother understanding and stepping back.

God, he could smell all the pheromones from Sam, Cas and Gabe swirling around him. The room was too small, and it was suffocating, it was a miracle he had managed to keep his eyes normal. He just hoped he wasn’t producing any pheromones they could sense.

“I may have a solution to this predicament,” the doctor piped up. Dean looked up and glared at him, he was stuck in this stupid place because of him so he wasn’t his biggest fan. “Dean you are adamant that you are not a Little and that the tests were wrong, correct?” Dean stared warily at the doctor, nodding slowly. Where was he going with this?

“Well, I have a shot of highly concentrated artificial Neotrope hormones here,” Doctor Bradley spoke as he pulled a capped syringe full of clear liquid out of his pocket, Dean almost flinching at the sight of it but holding himself steady. Was this really what it had come to? Decades of keeping his secret under wraps and now it was all just collapsing.

“With your permission Dean, I’d like to give you this shot,” the doctor continued, gesturing with the syringe. “If you do not react then we know we were wrong, and you have our deepest and most sincere apologies. We will remove you from this ward and take you to the Neutral Ward instead.”

“And if he has a reaction?” Castiel said from next to Sam.

“Then we know Dean is in the right place and that the diagnosis we discussed is correct. Then we can start with a care plan and getting Dean settled with you.” The doctor responded, looking back to Dean. Suddenly Dean felt all eyes in the room on him.

How the f*ck was he meant to worm out of this? If he said no to the shot then that was just too f*cking suspicious, but if he said yes then he was sure to react. From what he could remember on his 21^st birthday, he was resolved to the mind of a baby, and he couldn't do anything for himself. It had been horrible when John had locked him in a storage container for the day and only returned the following morning when he knew the bio-shift was over. Dean shivered unconsciously at the memory and looked back up at his brother and the angels, all of whom were looking at him with pleading orange eyes. f*ck.

“Fine. Fine! I’ll take the stupid shot,” he grumbled, watching as the caregivers and doctor all relaxed slightly. He’d just have to fight this sh*t as much as he could. He was pretty much already f*cked as it was, he would just go down swinging. Shuffling forward slightly he waited for the doctor to meet him halfway. His heart was thudding in his chest as the doctor lifted the short sleeve of his surprisingly comfortable hospital gown, wincing slightly as the needle entered his arm and the liquid forced its way in. No going back now.

Sam held his breath as Dean winced at the injection, his instincts screaming to soothe him. He stood fast though, grabbing both Gabriel and Castiel’s hands, the angels squeezing them back. The doctor stepped back from Dean, recapping the syringe, and depositing it in the yellow hazards bin by the door. The four men stood back and observed Dean who was looking between them all slightly confused.

Suddenly, he noticed Dean’s body language change. Sam watched as the small man’s body tensed and his eyes focused on the floor as if he had to concentrate hard on something. Dean’s eyes flickered a faint lilac, like a lightbulb struggling for power. Sam heard both angels gasp on either side of him as his own breath hitched.

Dean’s eyes started consistently glowing lilac, slowly growing deeper towards a strong violet as his legs started to wobble and his face pinched in concentration. Sam watched as Dean’s legs suddenly gave out beneath him and he fell to his knees. The young man looked up at his brother with bright violet eyes and proceeded to burst out crying.

Sam rushed forward and scooped up his brother, holding him close as he wailed into his shoulder. The crying sounded pained, frightened. Dean was terrified. Sam turned to the shocked doctor. “What’s happening? Why is he crying like this?” he asked, trying to soothe the boy in his arms who was crying louder by the second, almost screaming.

“I don’t know, I’ve never seen this kind of reaction,” the doctor stammered at a loss.

“Isn’t there something you can do?” Gabriel asked, reaching forward and rubbing a hand on one of Dean’s exposed legs as Sam held him bridal style.

“Hold on,” Doctor Bradley said before rushing out of the room. The three Caregivers all share a concerned look and do their best to comfort their shortest member. The doctor returned with another syringe and stepped forward, inserting it into Dean’s arm as he had the last one. Dean screamed louder at the pain and grabbed onto Sam tighter.

After a moment, the cries became more sluggish and quieted slowly, eventually silencing as Dean breathed softly. “I just gave him a mild sedative, it shouldn’t last too long,” the doctor said, discarding the used syringe. “I would recommend changing him into a diaper as he fell asleep in his headspace. You can stay with him whilst he sleeps but I am going to write him a prescription for Carbamazepine, an anti-epilepsy drug. He’ll need you to be in charge of it and manage his doses.”

Sam nodded as he crossed to the bed, pulling back the covers and placing Dean down. He made quick work of slipping a diaper onto his brother before shuffling him up the bed and tucking him in. To his surprise, the man began to fuss as he tried to detach his hands from his shirt. Sam smiled and climbed into the bed beside his brother and let him curl into his side.

He listened as Cas and Gabe finished speaking with the doctor before they settled in armchairs and chatted with each other, occasionally looping in their tall lover on the bed. Meanwhile, Sam stared at his brother’s peaceful face as he slept.

“I’m going to look after you, Dean,” He spoke softly, carding a hand through Dean’s spiky hair. “I promise. You’re never going to be alone again.”

Chapter 9: The Great Escape...Not

Chapter Text

Dean cracked his eyes open in the dark of the hospital room, the curtains drawn and a soft glow coming from somewhere lighting the space slightly. What happened? The last thing he remembered was getting that shot and then crying in Sam’s arms. Then nothing.

Oh god, the shot. He’d turned into a giant blubbering baby on the floor. He winced at the memory of being cradled in his little brother's arms. He’d felt so weak, and scared, and…little. Dean grimaced and went to push himself up in the hospital bed, only to be stopped by something heavy lying across his middle. He looked down to see one of Sam’s long arms draped across his stomach protectively. Dean assessed his position more and found he was curled up into his brother's side under the covers.

f*ck. Not only had he cried his heart out, but he’d also become a clingy piece of sh*t and literally cuddled his brother when asleep. He groaned internally as he slowly shuffled out of Sam’s grip and off the bed to the floor, the cold laminate under his feet making him hiss through his teeth. He crept towards the door, passing the angels' sleeping forms as they replenished their grace. As he moved, he felt a strange sensation between his legs, as if something plush was forcing his legs apart and it was really making it difficult to walk. He patted the area and froze, his mouth falling open in horror.

He grabbed the hem of his childish hospital gown and wrenched it up, his suspicions confirmed. He was wearing a f*cking diaper. They’d put him in a diaper, his own brother had put him in a diaper! Dean felt anger coil in his chest mixed with fear and humiliation, his heart beating faster and starting to ache in his chest. He ripped the tabs off the diaper and watched it fall to the floor, ignoring the wet slap it made as it hit the floor signalling he had used it. He kicked the offending object back towards the bed and flung the room door open, running out of the room as his mind swirled with emotions.

The dumb guard he’d punched earlier was nowhere to be seen so he had an easy shot down the hall. He jogged along, ignoring the sharp pain starting to stab in his chest and the headache slowly emerging in his head. He couldn’t do this. He had to get out. He had to disappear. This was just too much. He wasn’t meant to be like this, he was useless and pathetic and disgusting. He hated that when he’d woken up, he’d initially felt safe and loved in his brother’s arms. NO! No this was all just so, so wrong.

He suddenly smacked into a hard object that sent him sprawling onto his back. His elbows hit the floor hard, and he whimpered in response, internally cursing himself at the noise. His eyes prickled with hot tears of their own accord with a tear slipping out before he could stop it. God he needed to find some suppressants and fast, his emotions were all over the place and he could feel his instincts pushing at the corners of his mind as he tried his best to stave them off.

“Oh sweetheart, I’m so sorry,” A soft voice came from above him. He felt two hands pulling him up from the floor and checking his elbows as he sniffled and fought the tears. A woman in scrubs towered over him as she cupped his face in her hands. “That was quite the tumble little one,” she wiped one of his tears away with her thumb as he stood frozen, not knowing what to do. “Where are your Caregivers sweetie?”

That snapped Dean out of it, he wrenched out of the woman’s grasp and started running again. His breathing was getting uneven now and his chest was really starting to hurt. He could hear the nurse calling after him as he ran but he didn’t stop. The ward reception was in view, the waiting room having a couple of Caregivers playing with their Littles and a few nurses working behind the reception desk. Dean burst into the room, pausing to look around for a way out as his chest heaved and his breath came short. The nurse ran into the room behind him and he spun to look at her, eyes wild and full of fear as tears threatened to fall again.

“Don’t,” he said in a wavering voice, as he held a hand up to stop the nurse’s approach. All activity in the room had stopped, the nurses behind the desk watching in concern and the Caregivers nearby holding their curious Littles close. He kept scanning the room for a way out, any way out at all, but his vision was getting blurry with tears he just couldn’t stop. His mind was getting fuzzier and all he could think was that he wanted Sam.

“Dean?!” A loud voice called from down the hallway, the nurse slowly still approaching him stopped and turned around as Sam rounded the corner with the two angels behind him, all looking frantic with glowing orange eyes. “Dean!” Sam yelled as he saw his brother in the middle of the reception looking frantic and afraid.

Dean almost let himself just collapse upon seeing his brother. Almost. Instead, he fought back his instincts and tears even harder. His chest was killing him at this point, his heart was beating way too hard and dizziness was starting to set in. He swayed a little where he stood as Sam raced to him, wrapping him in a tight hug which didn’t help his breathing. He let his arms hang limply at his sides as his brother enveloped him.

“f*cking Christ Dean, we thought you were gone!” Sam scolded, but Dean was barely listening. His chest was hurting so bad and all he could really hear was his own irregular heartbeat. “Sam…” he croaked out quietly. Two more pairs of arms wrapped around him and his brother as the angels joined the hug, both adding their piece about their fear and talking over each other.

“Sam…” Dean croaked again. “Sammy…” a little louder this time. This seemed to shock the three men holding him into action as they all sprung off him as if burned. Sam held Dean up by the arms as his legs grew weak and shaky beneath him, dizziness making his vision swim.

“Woah, Dean, you good?” Sam asked as Dean swayed harder, his eyes burning a bright amber.

“My heart…it f*ckin’ hurts…” Dean managed to get out. He was starting to feel nauseous from the thudding in his chest. How had his escape attempt gone this f*cking bad? This was not good, his body just didn’t want to cooperate anymore.

“Okay Dean, alright. Take deep breaths. Let’s get you back to your bed, huh sweetheart?” Sam said, not caring about the nickname slipping into his speech as he was more focused on his brother. Dean caught the slip-up but honestly couldn’t bring himself to care. He just felt heavy and sick and in pain. Everything about this situation sucked but he couldn’t do anything. He glanced back towards the swimming image of the elevator on the other side of the room before he turned back to the concerned faces of his brother and friends.

“Okay…” he mumbled, attempting to take a step forward. His knees gave out and Sam easily caught him, scooping him up bridal style and walking back down the corridors towards the room. He could hear the angels apologising to the people in the room behind him, but he didn’t feel sorry. He didn’t know what he felt.

His vision wasn’t swimming anymore, and his heart rate was starting to slow as Sam carried him back to the room, opening the door and crossing to the hospital bed. Dean cringed at the mural on the wall opposite the bed but did appreciate that it was kind of cool. It was a scene of the Wild West though the cowboy was wearing all the wrong attire and his gun looked sh*t.

Sam noticed his brother staring at the mural from his position in his arms and smiled a little. He crossed to the bed and placed him down gently, noticing the lack of padding around his brother’s lower area as he slid his hands out from under his legs. “What happened to your diaper, Dean?” he asked. Dean hesitated, eyes glancing to the floor by the door. Sam looked over and saw the discarded, and obviously used, diaper kicked to the side by the door. He must’ve missed it when he had sprinted out of the room in panic looking for Dean.

“Don’t Sam,” Dean practically growled as Sam looked back at him with a sad look. He nodded and quickly crossed to the diaper, grabbing it off the floor and folding it up before discarding it in the waste bin and crossing to wash his hands in the room’s ensuite toilet. He glanced back at Dean as he was towelling off his hands, the small man was sitting cross-legged on the bed with his arms crossed across his chest as a hot blush of embarrassment crept up his neck and cheeks.

Castiel and Gabriel then entered the room and shut the door behind them. Sam motioned to the armchairs with his head and the angels nodded, taking their seats as Sam crossed to the chair next to Dean’s bed. Dean was refusing to look up at any of them, eyes focused on his legs as the blush faded away. “Dean,” Sam began once seated, leaning forward and resting his arms on the edge of the bed. “It’s okay-”

“No Sam!” Dean yelled, cutting off his brother. Anger and humiliation were once again rising like bile in his throat. “None of this is okay! None of this is f*cking okay!” Dean gestured wildly at the room around him. Sam and the angels all staring at him with sad looks on their faces. God, if they were pitying him, he was gonna tear them each a new one, celestial being or not he didn’t give a f*ck. The room was quiet as Dean sat panting slightly from his outburst.

“I spent well over two decades keeping this from you, from all of you. From literally f*cking everyone!” he yelled, his arms falling onto the bed as tears pricked the corners of his eyes again. God this was so sh*t, he couldn’t even control his own emotions anymore. It was like a slap to the face, the reality of his new situation crushing him under its weight. He had the emotional capacity of a child without his suppressants, and he hated it. It made him feel weak and pathetic.

“Dean,” Gabriel piped up, cutting through the silence. “We know this must be difficult for you.” Dean snapped his head up and glared at the archangel, but he didn’t falter. “I never even considered that I would have a secondary gender until I took this body, and it became my own over time.” Gabriel watched as Dean continued to stare at him. He understood a little of the emotions the shorter man was going through, he had fought his own instincts so vehemently at the start. He hadn’t understood what was happening and he’d certainly struggled with that first bio-shift.

“I fought against mine when it first happened. I didn’t understand it and I hated how it made me feel at first.” Dean’s gaze softened a little as he listened to the words of the archangel, doubt starting to edge into his mind. “It took time but look at me now. I have Cas, I have your brother. And I have you, buddy.” Gabriel finished, Cas nodding along beside him in agreement. Dean was still wary of it all. His body was tense, and his mind was at war with itself. Sam could see the cogs turning in his brother’s head from the look on his face.

“We’ll figure this out Dean,” he said, drawing Dean’s attention back to him. He reached forward and rested a hand on his brother’s knee. “We just want to help you, and we want you to know you can be yourself around us. We won’t judge you; we want to take care of you. You’ve stopped yourself from being whole for so many years that you’ve permanently injured yourself, man.”

“Wait, what?” Dean questioned, looking alarmingly at Sam. He wasn’t going to be stuck with those chest pains forever, was he? Oh crap, that would suck. “What do you mean?”

“Do you remember what happened to make you end up here Dean?” Gabe asked, leaning forward with concern. Dean slowly shook his head, confusion clouding his thoughts.

“You had a seizure, Dean. A tonic-clonic seizure. You went tense after passing out and then started convulsing.” Castiel said, arms hugging himself. “It was horrible to see.” The angel averted his eyes as Dean felt a little guilty at the pain he seemed to cause him at the memory.

“I passed out? I mean I’ve had the tenseness before, but I’ve never passed out and convulsed. I mean as far as I know,” Dean shrugged on the bed as Sam looked at him incredulously.

“Dean, you’ve had seizures before and you just decided it wasn’t important?” he said, his voice getting a little louder as his eyes started to glow. “Why didn’t you tell us?” Dean seemed to cower a little under his gaze and he immediately toned it down, not wanting to frighten his currently fragile brother.

“I…I don’t know Sam. It didn’t seem like much,” Dean said, arms hugging his midriff as he stared at the bed covers. “I only had two, and it was just like I went stiff as a board. I didn’t pass out or twitch or anything.”

“Tonic seizures,” Cas cut across. “Those are tonic seizures when you tense up and can’t move. That’s what you said, right?” he asked, nodding at Dean. The small man mimicked the motion before he realised it and mentally shook himself. He felt so small in front of all the eyes in the room, he wanted to just melt into the bed and disappear. But he also had the intense urge to seek comfort in the arms of the men around him. Just curl up and forget his worries. That thought scared him and he snapped himself out of it quickly.

“So,” he said loudly, making his family flinch around him at the sudden volume and mood change. “Am I a cripple now or what? You said permanent injury, elaborate.” Gabe sighed at the bravado and Sam’s eyebrows knitted a little in concern.

“Epilepsy, Dean,” Cas said, Dean looked over at him. “You aren’t crippled, you’re disabled. You have epilepsy.” Dean paused at the words. Disabled? Nah, no way. Not him. Not Dean Winchester. He felt Sam’s thumb start drawing circles on his knee and he leaned into the affection unconsciously before he could stop it.

“What do you mean?” he asked, voice a little wobbly as his emotions choked up his throat. Cas stood up and tapped Gabe’s shoulder, signalling him to follow. The two angels crossed and went to either side of the bed, Cas sitting on one side and Gabe perching on the side Sam’s seat was on.

“Basically, to put it plainly,” Cas said, resting a hand on Dean’s other knee. “You’re going to keep having seizures. And the doctor thinks it won't be just one type, it’ll be a variety.”

“But we have some meds prescribed to give you that you’ll need to take daily that will hopefully stop more severe seizures from occurring,” Sam said as Dean stared back down at his lap. “We are gonna be in charge of them, so you remain safe and you won’t have to worry about anything, okay?”

Dean was barely listening. His world was ending around him. First the suppressants, then his secret and now this? Epilepsy and more seizures? His mind was spinning, and it didn’t help that his instincts were starting to seep through the cracks of the barricade he was using to push them back. All three Caregivers could smell the pheromones starting to roll off Dean as he lifted his head to look at them again, his eyes glowing a pale lavender.

“Can’t you just fix it? Gabriel? Please?” he asked, a begging tone entering his voice as his mind struggled with his instincts and the overwhelming information. Gabriel felt his heart break a little as Dean’s eyes searched his.

“I’m sorry, Dean I can’t. I tried already.” Gabe said, his heart sinking as he watched Dean deflate. “I may be an archangel, but this is too deep inside your brain for even me to reach in and fix. Only Father would be able to mend something like this, it’s out of my power.”

“How does that make sense?!” Dean said getting agitated as a tear slipped out his lilac eyes, still not in his headspace and trying his best to fight slipping further. “Cas literally took Lucifer's hallucinations out of Sam’s head into his own! How is that any different to this?”

“The hell trauma was coating Sam’s mind, Dean, like a blanket over it.” Cas cut across, helping his brother explain. “That was mental trauma, this is physical trauma. It’s deep-rooted inside of your brain, way too far in for any supernatural creature to reach. I’m sorry.” He reached forward and wiped the tear from Dean’s face, surprised when the man didn’t lean away. Dean’s breath hitched but he felt strangely comforted at the seraph’s action.

“What about my chest pains,” Dean asked in a small voice. “Can you help those?”

“Actually, we can,” Sam said, smiling a little at his brother. “But it isn’t in the way you think.” He stood and climbed onto the bed next to his brother. He shuffled close to him and put a careful arm around the smaller man, gently drawing him to his side. Dean considered reacting and pushing away, but a larger part of himself relished the comfort and contact from his brother. He sighed and slowly leaned into the warmth of his brother, making up excuses in his head for himself.

“Basically, because of how long you used those…drugs,” Sam said, his discomfort evident when he mentioned the drugs. “Your body isn’t used to having instinct urges. So now, all those years of neglect are hitting you at once. It’s making your heart struggle and your brain’s doing something funny that will make you more likely to have another bad seizure.” Sam finished his explanation, Dean catching the slightly childish way he was explaining it. He didn’t blame his brother though, he was probably letting off some pheromones that were affecting the tall man and triggering his instincts.

“Can’t I just take the drugs again?” He asked. All three Caregivers blanched at the question.

“No, Dean, you can’t,” Gabe said sternly. “They won’t even work on you anymore anyway, you have too much of a tolerance built up.”

“What about other brands?” Dean asked, not willing to give in so easily. He felt Sam’s arm tighten around him protectively.

“Dean, no other brands will work either. You used them for way too long, suppressants are only meant to be used for medical reasons and only for a couple of months maximum.” Cas said, Dean looking at him with sad eyes. The light purple glow started to fade away, so Cas leaned forward and cupped Dean’s cheek with one hand. He rubbed his thumb across the soft skin and watched as the lilac colour returned.

“When we get you home, we are going to work on your headspace with you,” Sam’s chest rumbled against Dean’s side as he spoke, the smaller man leaning in more as he enjoyed the feeling. “We are all Caregivers, and you all trust us so we will make it work. You may be Level 3 and we are only Level 2 but there are more of us than you, so you’ll always have someone to look after you and be with you.”

“sh*t,” Dean sighed. “I forgot I’m a Level 3. That means I’m going to be a useless baby most of the time.” He covered his face with his hands in embarrassment and frustration. “How am I going to f*cking hunt.” He mumbled into his hands.

“Dean, did you really think any of us would let you hunt after this? Little or not, with your epilepsy it’s just too dangerous now.” Gabe said, reaching forward and ruffling Dean’s hair. “Besides, you aren’t useless buddy. You’re family, and you make us happy.”

Dean lowered his hands and sat limply against his brother, just trying to process everything. His entire life was changing so quickly, and he didn’t know how to react. He wanted to scream and kick and fight in anger for his old life’s end. But he also wanted to just lie in the arms of his brother and the two angels, forget his worries and just be loved. He’d never had that before, and his body and mind yearned for that attention. He was fighting a battle in his mind and the Caregivers around him could tell.

They sat in comfortable silence, just giving the small man time to think things through and come to terms with all the information. The small family rested on the bed for ten minutes before Doctor Bradley came back into the room, clipboard in hand.

Chapter 10: Bracelets and Meds

Chapter Text

“Dean,” Dr Bradley nodded with a smile as he shut the room door behind him. “Good to see you awake. I heard there was a commotion?” The doctor crossed to stand at the end of the bed, keeping distance from the family on the bed but standing close enough to be involved in the moment.

Dean looked down at his legs in embarrassment. Honestly, it was the sh*ttiest escape attempt he’d ever done, and he was kind of ashamed of himself. He was meant to be Dean f*cking Winchester, and he’d only made it down a corridor before being reprimanded. He felt Sam speaking as he was leaning against him.

“It’s all good now doctor,” Sam said, rubbing a hand on Dean’s arm. “What can we do for you?” The doctor gave Sam a small smile and decided to just accept the subject change.

“I’m here to help you process Dean’s discharge papers,” Dr Bradley began, pulling some forms off his clipboard. “I also have a couple of things to show you all, if you wouldn’t mind?” The doctor pulled out three boxes from his deep coat pocket. The family all nodded bar Dean, the short man remaining motionless as he watched the scene in defeat. He didn’t know how to feel, if anything he felt empty and numb. It was frustrating him. He wanted to get angry or happy or anything about what was happening, but his body just didn’t know what to do.

Doctor Bradley placed the boxes on the bed and lifted the first one. “In here is your medication, Dean,” he began. “It’s a liquid form of carbamazepine that you’ll have to take once a day, the time is up to you. Whichever suits you best.” Gabriel took the box with the medicine as it was handed to him, looking it over once before pocketing it.

“Any side effects with this, doc?” He asked for Dean, the man just watching everything happen quietly with big green eyes.

“Yes, unfortunately,” the doctor replied. “Before his body acclimatises to the medicine, he’s likely to experience fatigue, dizziness, nausea, vomiting, headaches, unsteadiness on his feet, rashes, fevers and his wrists or ankles may become swollen.” The family on the bed soaked up the information with pitying glances towards Dean, the small man’s face pinching in discomfort and anxiety as every side effect was mentioned.

“Sounds like they’re more hassle than they’re worth,” Dean finally spoke, leaning further back into his brother. Taking that medicine sounded f*cking awful, he didn’t want to feel any of those effects. He just wanted everything to go back to the way it was. Why couldn’t everything just go back to how it was before Sam left the bunker? It’s all gone wrong since then.

“Dean, this is better than having those severe seizures,” Gabriel said, frowning at Dean. The shorter man shifted a little under his gaze, so he leaned forward and rested a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Trust me, this is the lesser of two evils.” Dean nodded a little and looked back down at his hands in his lap as Gabe leaned back.

“Mr Winchester, you and your partners will have to be in charge of this for Dean,” Dr Bradley said, drawing Sam’s attention again. “Due to his status as a Little and a Level 3, he won’t be able to have the capacity to track and remember his medication. As his legal guardian, it is your responsibility.” Sam felt Dean move as if to combat the doctor’s words, so he gripped his shoulders tight and rubbed a thumb along his collarbone, knowing it always calmed Dean since they were kids. Dean sunk back into him with an annoyed sigh, knowing exactly what his brother was doing but not being able to stop his anger from dissipating at the soothing action.

Sam smiled at his success. “No problem doctor, we’ll make a chart to follow or something,” he said, looking at the two angels who both nodded back at him.

“Great,” Dr Bradley said, lifting the second box off the bed and opening it. He pulled out a black bracelet seemingly made of soft rubber and plastic. “This is an epilepsy band for Dean to wear. It’s made of rubber so it’s waterproof and the plastic lock is soft, so he won’t hurt himself on it.” Dean scoffed on the bed and Sam rubbed his collarbone again, causing the man to go boneless against him. The doctor refrained from smiling and continued. “This is not to be taken off. Dean should wear this constantly so that he always has a way for people to know he is an epileptic with seizures should he get separated from any of you.” The doctor said as he tapped the bright white text stating ‘Medical Alert! Epileptic With Seizures’ with his finger.

Cas took the bracelet and lifted Dean’s wrist from his lap. Dean stared at the bracelet in disdain and contemplated ripping his hand from Cas’s grip. Before he had a chance, Cas had slipped the bracelet on and clicked the lock shut. He stared at his wrist before looking up at Cas, the angel giving him a sad smile whilst rubbing his thumb over Dean’s knuckles. Dean got lost in his slightly glowing eyes for a second, his own instincts struggling against him to bloom in response. He felt his mouth go dry at the prospect and he quickly looked away, blinking hard to clear his mind.

Cas frowned in understanding at Dean’s mental turmoil but turned his attention back to the doctor who was opening the final box. The man pulled out another bracelet with a black rubber band and plastic clasp, yet this one also had a sleek black box made of the same soft plastic and shiny metal. “This is a seizure alert bracelet,” the doctor began, holding up the bracelet. “In this box is a device that monitors the wearer's heart rate, electrodermal activity, temperature, and body status.” Dr Bradley motioned to the box as he explained.

“Oh, I’ve seen these before,” Sam said. “You connect them to your phone with an app and you get notifications when the wearer starts to have a seizure. It has, like, a tracker in it too, doesn’t it? So you can find the person seizing?” The doctor nodded along to what Sam was saying, passing the bracelet to the tall man who began affixing it on Dean’s other wrist.

“That’s correct, you’ll all be able to connect your phones to it to keep Dean safe,” the doctor said, collecting the two empty boxes and moving to put them in the waste by the door. “With the locks on these bracelets, Dean won’t be able to take them off whilst in his headspace. Of course, you all understand with him being Level 3 it’s very rare that he will be out of headspace so having these locks will keep him as safe as possible.” The doctor crossed back over and lifted the clipboard, passing the unclipped pages to Sam with a pen. “If you could sign here then Dean will be able to be discharged tomorrow morning. There is also a care plan underneath that you can keep and use to help Dean.” The doctor concluded with a smile as Sam signed the papers and handed them back, passing the care plan to Gabe who folded it and pocketed it.

“Thank you, Mr Winchester,” Dr Bradley said as he took the papers from Sam’s outstretched hand. “I’ll leave you all to enjoy the rest of the evening. Dean,” the doctor caught Dean’s attention and he looked up to meet the gaze of the white-coated man. “I hope you’ll allow your family to help you, you deserve to be yourself.” He smiled again and left the room, the door clicking shut behind him.

Dean was left stunned. What the hell did that guy mean? He deserved to be himself? That man doesn’t even know him, where the f*ck does he get off talking to him like that? His brain was shell-shocked as it processed what the doctor just said. Can’t he just help himself? Why does his family have to help him? Oh right, because he’d be a stupid f*cking baby in a man’s body. Dean shivered at the thought and felt Sam’s grip tighten on him in response. He was still leaning back against his brother; it was way too comfortable if he was being honest.

He quickly shuffled away from Sam and back up the bed, so he was perched on his pillow. His wrists both felt heavy now from the wristbands. He’d felt almost insulted when the locks were mentioned but he guesses he understood on some level.

Gabriel pulled the medicine out of his pocket and opened it, pulling out the bottle and oral syringe. “Hey, Dean buddy, I think you should have some of this now,” he motioned with the bottle, Dean looking up at him from where he’d scooted out of Sam’s hold. Gabe caught the way the man’s face twisted with disgust at the bottle in his hand. “I know it’s not nice, buddy, but it’s important,” Gabe said, his eyes casting a soft orange glow on the white bed sheets along with his boyfriend and brother.

Dean’s senses were getting overwhelmed by the pheromones in the room. He could feel his instinctual urges growing and he could feel his eyes flickering between pale lilac and his usual green. If he took the meds maybe they’d all calm down. He gave a small nod to Gabriel who smiled and filled the syringe up to the required quantity. The man held the syringe up to Dean who glowered a little. He could do it himself god damn it. Regardless, he opened his mouth and allowed the archangel to squirt the sticky, sweet medicine in his mouth. He grimaced at the taste but quickly swallowed it as the angel crossed the room to the sink to flush out the syringe before putting everything back in the box.

“So, we need to remember it’s an evening dose he takes,” Cas said as he slid off the bed to join his brother in standing. “I will make a chart to go in the kitchen which we can all tick when Dean’s been given the medicine.” Castiel watched as the other two Caregivers nodded in response.

“We’ll head back to the bunker now and prep for baby Dean’s arrival,” said Gabe with a wink at Sam as Dean grumbled on the bed at the nickname. Sam gave his shorter angel a bitchface. They needed to help Dean accept his headspace, not tease him over it. Gabriel smirked as he departed with a flap of wings. Cas rolled his eyes and looked to Dean who was hugging his knees to his chest as he glowered at the happy dinosaurs on his gown.

“It’s all going to be okay Dean,” Cas said with a reassuring smile, Dean looking up at him with a face full of angry doubt. “It’s going to be difficult, but we all love you and want you to be happy.” Cas smiled at Sam quickly before also disappearing with the sound of feathers.

“I’d be happy if I was a Neutral, not a stupid baby,” Dean mumbled on the bed from behind Sam. The tall man sighed as he turned to face his brother, the room feeling empty without the presence of the two celestials. Dean was staring down at the bed, wanting it to swallow him up whole to avoid talking to his brother.

“Dean,” Sam began, shuffling so he was fully facing Dean. “You aren’t a stupid baby, you’re a Little.” Dean looked up at his brother with a hard stare. “It’s a part of you, it isn’t something you could escape. Just as I couldn’t escape being a Caregiver.”

“What do you mean ‘escape being a Caregiver’? You’re a dominant class, you’re fine,” Dean said with venom, his jealousy at his brother evident on his face. Sam hadn’t been afraid to be who he was. He hadn’t had John beating him just for his biology. He hadn’t been abandoned on his 21^st birthday to fend for himself during an unstoppable biological shift. He had it good in comparison to Dean.

“Just because I was a dominant class, doesn’t mean I haven’t had sh*t for it over the years,” Sam said as he shook his head “Dad wasn’t happy, you know how much he hated Littles and I guess it bled into Caregivers as well. He wanted me to be any other dominant class, but I just had to be a Caregiver,” Sam said with attitude as Dean lowered his legs to sit cross-legged, his hands resting in his lap.

“I didn’t know…” Dean said as he studied his brother’s pained expression. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologise, it wasn’t your fault,” Sam said looking up with a small smile. “Besides, I can’t even begin to believe what you went through with Dad and your classification.” Dean flinched as memories resurfaced, his brother’s eyes glowing stronger with concern.

“I don’t want to talk about it Sammy,” he said with a grimace as he shivered involuntarily. It was too painful and today had already been too much. His stomach was starting to grow a little nauseous, was the medicine really that fast-acting? Damn.

“That’s alright Dean, you don’t need to,” Sam said, resting a hand on Dean’s leg. He noticed how his brother’s eyes were starting to get a little droopy. His instincts reacted in response and he stood, pulling the covers of the bed back from under Dean’s legs. “Come on buddy, that medicine is kicking in. Let’s get you lying down.”

Dean startled a little at the movement but nodded, he’d had no fight in him today and he wasn’t going to get any now. He could feel his body responding to Sam’s high pheromone output and he couldn’t stop it in his fatigued state. His eyes glowed a consistent plum colour as his brother reached for him and he raised his arms in response to be held. He felt a little sad when his brother didn’t pick him up but rather pulled him down the bed and gently laid him down, having to suppress a whine as Sam let go of him to tuck him in.

Sam watched as Dean stared at him with slightly glowing eyes, tucking the blanket in around him. He perched on the bed and ran a hand through Dean’s spiky hair as the purple eyes slipped closed and sleep pulled his brother under. Sam sighed with a smile. He couldn’t wait to see those green eyes burn bright violet again signifying his brother had let go and fully allowed himself into his headspace. That would be a day for celebration.

Sam let out a large yawn and lay down on his side facing his brother on top of the covers. He slipped an arm under the smaller man’s head, Dean stirring in response and curling up into the taller man’s chest, hands grabbing parts of his shirt as he sighed in contentedness. Sam smiled again as his brother clung to him, radiating warmth through his side. He draped his other arm across Dean and lightly gripped his back, pulling his brother closer.

He laid his head down, his chin resting on top of Dean’s hair, and let out a deep breath. Tomorrow was when the real work started. They needed to get Dean home and help him accept and live in his headspace or his heart was going to get worse. Sam trusted his angels were baby proofing the bunker and setting up a room of basics for Dean, they could all go shopping when Dean was a bit more comfortable.

But that was all tomorrow. For now, Sam was content to just close his eyes and hold his slumbering brother close as sleep slowly took him into bliss.

Chapter 11: Velcro Shoes And The Wild West

Chapter Text

Dean woke up slowly. His body didn’t want to stir from its deep sleep, but the beginnings of nausea in his stomach forced him from his slumber. He blinked his eyes open slowly and winced a little at the bright morning sunlight filtering through the windows. He felt his forehead resting against something hard and warm. Tilting his head up he realised he was pressed face first up against Sam, his hands gripping his shirt as Sam’s strong paws locked around his back. For a moment he considered trying to wrench himself out of Sam’s grip or trying to slip out of his arms slowly, but the feeling of safety and comfort heating his chest made him relax instead as he curled back into his younger brother.

As he shifted his legs to get comfortable again, he felt the horrible chafing scratch of wet sheets against his bare legs. He froze. He recalled the night before when Sam had tucked him in, his mind had been fuzzy and his instincts had started edging through the cracks in his barricade. He’d fallen asleep half-slipped. f*ck. And he’d pissed the bed. Double f*ck. He shifted again and grimaced as his body rolled in the quickly cooling wet patch.

Sam stirred next to him and he froze, not wanting his brother to actually wake up. Sam shifted his head and tightened his arms, drawing Dean back towards his chest making escape an even more difficult notion. As Sam settled again with a deep sigh, Dean let out the breath he was holding. He assessed his position again from against his brother’s chest and his mind came up with nothing. Absolutely no ideas appeared on how to slip out of the tall man’s iron grip. As his mind was coming up blank the sudden sound of flapping wings startled him. He quickly slammed his eyes closed, trying his best to relax his features and feign sleep as the angels landed in the room.

“Oh, Gabe, look at them,” he heard Castiel whisper in his gravelly voice. “Dean looks so small curled up like that. I’m glad they are both sleeping well.” The younger angel spoke with such adoration in his voice that it gave Dean pause. Did Cas really care about him that much? He heard Gabriel snort from the end of the bed and knew the gig was up.

“Well, one of them is sleeping, ain’t that right buddy,” Gabe said as he pinched Dean’s toes through the covers. Dean quickly drew his legs up to his chest under the covers and opened his eyes, giving Gabe a glare from between Sam’s arms. His mind was spinning with fear. Both angels were here and he was stuck under the covers in a puddle of his own piss as his brother cuddled him. God this was pathetic.

“Leave him alone Gabe,” Cas said as he rounded the side of the bed that Sam was lying on and gently shook the taller man’s shoulder. Dean’s heart clenched as his brother stirred. f*ck, no, he didn’t want him to wake up. Then they’d have to get ready to be discharged, which meant getting out of bed, exposing the fact that he’d pissed himself. He looked to Cas with pleading eyes, but the seraph was too focused on his lover. “Hey, honey, we came to get you both and take you home,” Cas said as Sam released his hold on Dean and rolled to blink up at Cas sleepily.

Sam smiled and sat up, pulling Cas down for a quick kiss as Gabe rounded the bed too. Once he broke apart with the seraph he pulled down the archangel for a kiss as well. Dean lay curled up on the bed, averting his gaze from the mushy lovefest and losing himself in his anxious mind. Maybe he could get them all to leave the room? Then he could strip the bed, hide the sheets and change out of this stupid dinosaur gown. But change into what? He had no clothes here. sh*t.

“Morning Dean, how’d you sleep sweetheart?” Sam asked gently, brushing Dean’s hair out his face and snapping him out of his anxious daze. Dean flinched at the contact but tried his best to keep his face schooled as his heart lurched at the nickname coming from his brother. He felt both horrified and a strange sense of being loved from the word, he didn’t know how to react.

“Um, fine…I guess,” he muttered, remaining lying on his side as Sam gazed down at him and the angels shuffled around the room to gather Sam’s coat and anything they left over the last two days. Sam’s fingers continued to card through his hair, causing his mind to go fuzzy as his instincts started to push at his mind again. f*ck, he just couldn’t get used to this. He pushed back with all he could as he tried not to melt under his brother's soft touch.

“We brought you these Dean,” he heard from behind him as Cas’s rough hand landed softly on his arm. He rolled and saw the man holding a small plastic bag up. “We’ve emptied your wardrobe at home as we know now that those clothes would irritate your skin, then we picked you up a couple of items on the way here from the Littlelux store.”

“Now you can be comfy, buddy,” Gabe cut across as he leaned against the bed, arms crossed. “No more itchiness and no more rashes.” The archangel smiled brightly at him as Cas placed the bag next to Dean’s feet on the bed. Dean felt a moment of hot rage at the idea of all his clothes being tossed away before clarity rushed in. No more itchiness? Damn, that would be nice. He stared at the bag but made no move to exit from under the covers.

“Come on Dean, you need to get ready so we can go,” Sam said as he nudged Dean’s arm. “The quicker you change, the quicker we can get home.” Dean looked up at his brother with wide eyes. sh*t. He had to get them out of the room, but how? So many different things were already rushing through his head that he couldn’t focus enough to think of an excuse. That and his heart was starting to ache as it beat faster, his rising anxiety tightening his chest.

“Up and at ‘em buddy,” Gabe said as he leant forward and ripped the covers off Dean. The sudden cold assaulted Dean and he let out a yelp as he scrambled to grab the blankets quickly sliding off him. He ended up sitting up in bed with his hands grasping at thin air as the room went silent around him. Sam and the angels all wore faces of mild shock as Dean’s eyes flicked madly between them all. His mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water as he tried to speak, but nothing came out. Hot tears began to prickle the corner of his eyes as humiliation swirled in his chest. Sam was the first to break the silence as a tear escaped Dean’s eye.

“Oh, Dean, it’s alright,” he said as his eyes started to glow a bright goldenrod colour. “It’s okay buddy, it happens. It was my fault, I didn’t put a diaper on you when I noticed you were half-slipped. I’m sorry bud, it’s not your fault.” He leant forward and wiped the tear off Dean’s cheek as the small man pulled at the sheets around him, trying to cover his urine-stained gown from his brother and the angel’s sight. Sam steadied his brother’s shaking hands and helped him off the bed, grabbing the bag of clothes and pressing them into Dean’s arms. “You go get changed and we’ll take care of this, okay?”

Dean just looked up at Sam with watery eyes. He nodded and made his way into the room’s en suite and locked the door. As soon as he heard the click of the lock he sunk to the floor and burst out into quiet sobs. God, that was the most f*cking humiliating thing to happen ever. And now he was sitting on the floor of a bathroom crying about it. His heart ached in his chest as his mind raced with all the unfiltered emotions he was no longer able to control. Being off the suppressants sucked and now he was going to be stuck like this forever. It was unbearable.

It’ll be easier if you slipped.

A voice sounded in his mind. He sniffled as his crying stopped and he contemplated the words for a second.

Be innocent. Be a child. Have fun. Have comfort. Just let it all go.

The voice chimed as he sat frozen, daring to listen to these thoughts from the innermost depths of his mind. He couldn’t deal with all these emotions anymore. It was too difficult since the suppressants were gone, leaving nothing to hold them at bay. And his instincts. Always there, always pushing, always reacting. It was suffocating and they were crushing him under his weight. But if he let go…if he let himself just be a Little…

No. f*ck no. Dean shook his head to clear the thoughts and pushed himself up, opening the bag and pouring the soft, new clothes out onto the closed toilet seat. He grabbed a towel from the shelf in the room and threw it over the rail next to the shower before turning the water on, stripping out of the piss-soaked gown and stepping under the hot water. He sighed as the warmth surrounded him, washing over his skin and helping calm his mind a little. It swept away the itchy tear streaks from his cheeks and he just stood for a moment, enjoying the feeling, before he set to work cleaning himself.

Once finished he turned off the water, quickly toweled off his hair and wiped the water from underneath his two medical bracelets. He wrapped the towel around his waist and stepped out of the shower to check himself out in the mirror. The first thing he noticed was how skinny he looked. He hadn’t worked out or anything since the ghoul hunt and he hadn’t been eating very well so all his muscle mass had dropped thanks to his insane metabolism. He looked like a scrawny teenager with big bags under his eyes and hair spiked all over the place, freckles standing out across his pale cheeks and shoulders. God, he looked exhausted. He felt exhausted. Those epilepsy meds were really doing a number on him. Not to mention the nauseous feeling curdling his stomach which he suspected was a side-effect as well.

A knocking on the door startled him and he barely suppressed a yelp as he jumped a foot off the floor. “Are you okay Dean?” Came Cas’s gruff voice from the other side of the laminate door. Dean took a deep breath to try and slow his heart again after the fright, it really hurt whenever his heart rate increased.

“Yeah,” his voice cracked so he cleared his throat quickly before continuing. “Yeah, I’m okay Cas. I’m just getting changed now.”

“Okay, we’re all done out here so we’re just waiting on you. Then we’ll head home,” Cas’s muffled voice said before Dean heard footsteps retreating from the door. He sighed and turned back to the mirror, giving himself one last defeated look before turning to the clothing on the toilet. He grabbed the underwear and unfolded it, groaning as he noticed they were themed rather childishly. All clothes made from the fabric Little’s could tolerate tended to be themed and very colourful to help appeal to the younger-minded citizens they were to be worn by. Dean just thought they were obnoxious-looking.

Reluctantly he slipped on the dinosaur-themed boxers and the soft khaki-coloured shorts that had an elastic waist, which wounded his pride slightly. He then grabbed the pale green t-shirt and unfolded it to see a small pocket on the left chest side that was coloured a slightly darker green with a small dinosaur popping out the top. A t-rex by the looks of it, shouting ‘RAWR!’ in a speech bubble. Dean grimaced at the shirt but slipped it on all the same. These damn dinosaurs were on everything. Dinosaurs weren’t cool, cowboys were cool. They had guns and were the lawless badasses of the Wild West. He had to admit though, the clothes were comfortable and it felt amazing to have something to cover him up that didn’t cause a near-constant itch. He sat down on the floor and slipped on the white knee-high socks that he pushed down to his ankles before pausing, staring at the pale green chucks in the plastic bag with disgust. He hated baseball shoes.

He unlocked the door, picked up the shoes and left the bag in the bathroom. “Okay, I’m ready,” Dean said as he stepped back into the hospital room, noticing that the bed had been stripped and his pissed-stained sheets were nowhere to be seen. He averted his gaze from the bed as a flush of embarrassment heated his cheeks.

“Put your shoes on and we’ll head out then, bud,” Gabe said with a smile from where he was leaning against the wall by the door.

“Do I have to? Baseball shoes are so sh*t,” he groaned, waving the shoes in his hand as if making a valid point. All three Caregivers just quirked an eyebrow at him.

“1, don’t swear Dean. And 2, you either put your shoes on or I carry you out the building. Those socks won’t keep your feet warm and it’s cold out, plus you’ll hurt your feet on the floor,” Sam said as he crossed his arms and levelled Dean with a dominant stare, one he knew would work on Dean given he was a submissive class. Dean squirmed uncomfortably under his brother’s eyes as they flashed orange, feeling an intense pull to obey the request. He sighed in defeat and sat down on the floor heavily, pulling the chucks onto his feet and securing the velcro across them because yes, the angels had bought him velcro shoes. He finished and looked up, giving Sam a grumpy glare that was tinged with a pale purple before fading back to green.

Sam stepped forward as Dean stood again, brushing his hands through Dean’s spiky wet hair to try and tame it before Dean swatted his hand away with a scowl. He smiled and chuckled before placing a hand on Dean’s back and guiding him out of the room, Gabe opening the door for them and letting them pass with the dark-haired seraph in tow. Gabe followed Cas out and closed the door behind him, double-checking they weren’t leaving anything behind with a glance before following the group down the corridor.

The family made their way to the ward reception, Sam giving a small wave to the nurse behind the reception. She nodded with a small smile and waved back before looking back to her computer, supposedly checking Dean out of his room. The group made it to the elevator and Cas pressed the call button. Dean found himself looking around the room as they waited, his gaze being drawn to the play area off to the left automatically. All the bright colours and various toys held his focus as his instincts flared up again. He had an incredible urge to just run over and sit down to play for hours, but he shook his head to clear his mind and looked back at the elevator.

Sam caught Dean staring at the play area, watching as his brother’s eyes faded into a lilac colour before he seemed to snap out of it and turn back to wait for the elevator. Sam frowned slightly as Dean’s eyes faded back to their usual green. This was going to be harder than he thought. Dean seemed to be accepting parts of the process, but it was so painfully slow that Sam feared they would all be dead and residing in heaven before Dean fully let go.

The elevator arrived with a ding and the men all piled in, Gabe pressing the button for the ground floor. Sam tried not to relive the memories of the last time he was in this elevator, the anxiety he’d felt over Dean’s condition and the shock and betrayal he’d felt after the revelation of Dean’s hidden classification coming back to haunt him. He glanced down at Dean now. The small man stood close to him, pale and tired-looking as he swayed a little on the spot. Sam reached out and held his hand on Dean’s lower back, feeling him lean into the touch to steady himself.

The elevator hit the ground floor and the doors slid open, all four of them exiting quickly and starting down the hallway. Gabriel led the way as both Sam and Cas couldn’t remember the way out after being so distracted when following the doctor the first time around. Sam kept glancing at Dean. The shorter man kept tripping on his feet and walking in funny lines. The doctor had said a side effect was being unsteady on his feet so Sam assumed this was that. His brother was also incredibly pale, almost tinging green a little as they walked.

“Okay stop, stop, stop,” Dean burst out suddenly, stumbling over to a nearby wall as his hand raised to clutch his chest. The Caregivers all froze before rushing into action. Sam placed a hand between Dean’s shoulders and rubbed in slow circles as Cas helped hold him up. Gabriel rested a hand on Dean’s shoulder and studied his face.

“You okay, Dean? What’s going on?” the archangel questioned. Dean was breathing heavily and slowly, trying to calm his aching heart and keep the nausea at bay that was rising in his throat. He kept stumbling as he walked and he didn’t know why. Was it the stupid medication? God, everything just sucked today.

“My heart…it f*cking hurts whenever we do sh*t…” he panted, taking a deep breath to steady his voice before continuing. “I can’t walk right, I’m dizzy and I feel like I’m gonna hurl.” He looked up into Gabriel’s concerned, glowing amber eyes. “Is it the meds? What the f*ck is happening?”

“Don't swear but yes, I think it’s just the meds, Dean,” Sam said from behind him. He looked back and up into Sam’s eyes which were also glowing in concern. “It explains everything you’ve listed plus you look super exhausted. Are you tired, sweetie?” Dean ignored the nickname and nodded in response. He was tired. He was f*cking shattered, “Right, okay,” Sam said with a tone of finality.

All of a sudden Dean was turned around and Sam was lifting him from under his arms. He yelped in surprise and automatically wrapped his legs around his brother’s waist as Sam held him to him, the tall man locking his arms under Dean’s butt. “Sam! What the f*ck!” he squawked as his brother began walking down the corridor, the two angels flanking him with big smiles on their faces.

“Sorry Dean, but if you can’t even walk down a few corridors without almost collapsing from your pain then I have no choice but to carry you,” Sam said with a smile as Dean rested his hands on Sam’s shoulders, looking level at his face. Dean pulled a face and crossed his arms as Sam smiled at him.

“You need to get used to this honey, with your age range when slipped I’m sure we’ll all have to be carrying you a lot,” Cas chimed in from beside Sam, Dean looking over at him to find his eyes also glowing a faint amber. He glanced at Gabriel and saw the same situation, the pheromones from all three men starting to muddle his senses and make his brain fuzzy. He felt his instincts pushing at his flimsy defences and felt his eyes fade into lilac. He pouted at Cas and leaned forward, resting his head on Sam’s shoulder and pinning his crossed arms between their two chests. What? It was comfy and he was f*cking tired, it didn’t mean anything.

Dean just watched the passing scenery from Sam’s shoulder as the Caregivers traversed the hospital. Patients, nurses and doctors passed by them giving him small smiles or complimenting Sam and the angels on their ‘beautiful little family’ or what a ‘handsome little boy you’ve got’. Dean cringed on Sam’s shoulder at the phrases and tried to focus on anything but the rising anxiety he felt at being seen like this in public. The anxiety worked to just make his mind feel fuzzier as the pheromones from the Caregivers strengthened at the passersby's compliments. Mixed with the fact he was being held and carried by his brother, he started to feel smaller and smaller and he knew his eyes were shifting from lilac to plum. He unlocked his legs from around Sam’s waist and let them dangle over the taller man’s hips, swinging them in the air. He enjoyed the feeling of the air as it swept past his legs. He almost let out a giggle before he realised what he was doing.

Before he knew it they were outside the front of the building, the cool breeze making him shiver as he curled into Sam’s warmth a little more. The group rounded the side of the building and Dean lifted his head, watching as Gabe placed a hand on Sam’s shoulder and Cas placed a hand on his. Cas smiled at him before the world suddenly warped around him and he jostled as Sam landed on solid ground. His stomach lurched and he groaned into Sam’s shoulder as bile rose in his throat.

Sam stumbled as he landed, hearing Dean make a noise on his shoulder before he started to wriggle violently. “Woah, Dean, okay I’m putting you down,” he said as he lowered the shorter man to the floor. He watched in concern as Dean managed to stumble a few steps forward before he fell to his knees and emptied his stomach onto the floor. Gabriel was immediately at the shorter man’s side, rubbing his hand on his back as Dean dry heaved over the puddle on the floor. Sam grimaced and stepped forward after Dean had finished, pulling the smaller man back into his arms.

Dean leaned into Sam’s hold, too tired and feeling too nauseous to do anything about it. He watched guiltily as Cas stepped forward and waved a hand over the vomit on the floor, watching as it faded out of existence. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled up at Sam who was brushing his hair away from his sweaty forehead. He leaned into the touch subconsciously as Sam rested his hand on his head.

Sam almost flinched at the surge of emotions Dean’s words ripped out of him. His mind cast back to the last time Dean had said that in almost the exact same position. It was on the bathroom floor, right before he began to seize. Sam felt anxiety bloom in his chest as he waited for the same thing to happen. But it didn’t. Dean just lay in his arms, staring up at him with plum-coloured eyes. He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “It’s alright Dean, it’s the meds. It’s not your fault.”

Dean cast his eyes to both angels who were also giving him reassuring nods, small smiles on both their faces. He sagged in relief. None of them were mad at him. Thank god. Well…Chuck. He realised he was still lying in Sam’s arms and felt embarrassment burn in his chest and crawl up his face. He pushed himself up slowly, still feeling exhausted, and looked around the room. And holy sh*t did things look different.

The group had landed in the war room which now had carpet across the concrete floor, carpet he had just chucked up on no less. Thank f*ck for angel mojo. He looked around some more and noticed that the war table had all the corners smoothed and the buttons on the consoles surrounding the room all had plastic cases covering them that had child-proof locks holding them closed. Looking towards the library he noticed all the hardwood floors were covered in carpet as well and the cool swords and artefacts had all been removed. Well, that was upsetting. All the books had been left but he guessed they didn’t really pose much of a threat to a dumbass baby in a man’s body. There was a baby gate in front of the giant telescope and at the entrance to every door, even the door behind them leading to the bedrooms and kitchen.

Dean stood up slowly, feeling Gabe and Sam helping him up before he walked unsteadily towards the doorway. He clicked open the baby gate and stared at it for a moment, looking over to Castiel who just gave him a shrug. “It’s for safety,” the seraph said, crossing the room to enter the corridor in front of Dean, holding a hand out to help him down the two steps. Dean didn’t know whether to be thankful or offended by the action so he just decided to ignore his brain and take the hand offered to him.

The once concrete corridor now had a soft carpeted floor down as far as he could see. He let go of Cas’s hand and began unsteadily down the corridor, sliding his hand along the wall in case he needed to use it for support. He passed the doorway to the kitchen, noting the baby gate and the various childproof locks on all the cabinets inside. The kitchen had a layer of carpeting as well as a new chair with a tray by the table that Dean didn’t even want to look at right now. He averted his gaze with a grimace and continued down the corridor. The doors were all closed as they usually were, leaving no semblance of change for Dean until he got to his own room.

He paused for a moment, anxiety blossoming in his chest. What had they done whilst he was gone? He knew all his clothes were gone but what about his secret photos? His cool weapons? Well, those were definitely gone there was no kidding himself about that, but his photos. He hoped they were still there. He spared a glance to the right to see Sam and the angels all standing watching him intently, eyes slightly glowing. Dean’s own eyes were a cool green as he steeled himself and clicked the doorknob, pushing the door open.

The floor was newly carpeted under his feet as Dean stepped into the room. He stared around with his mouth open in shock. Where his bed used to be was an open space. To the left was his wardrobe, now empty, and to the right was a giant crib. Like, a giant baby crib that he could fit in with space to roll and spread out. The sheets in the crib were sand coloured and decorated with little tumbleweeds. Over the bed hung a mobile of horses and next to the wardrobe was an adult-sized, wooden changing table. The walls of the room had all been repainted to resemble a desert and the ceiling was decorated like a cloudy blue sky with a sun in the center acting as light for the room. On the floor was a large circular rug that looked like a sheriff’s badge and there was a large rocking chair by the crib that sported a similar pillow. An empty toy chest sat near the door and above that, hung on the wall, were all Dean’s photos. Ranging from the one of him with Mary and baby Sam to a recent one he had taken of Sam and the angels having a domestic moment, they were all there. They weren’t gone.

“This dimmer switch changes the sky and desert from day to night,” Gabriel said as he entered the room behind Dean, Sam and Cas following close behind. “A little bit of angel mojo I cooked up myself. Pretty cool right?” The archangel grinned at Dean who was still shell-shocked. Gabe and Cas had done all this for him? They’d even gone so far as to decorate it like the Wild West.

“I noticed you staring at the mural in your hospital room and I know how much you like cowboys,” Sam said as he rested a hand on Dean’s shoulder. “I thought you might enjoy having your nursery themed the same.” Dean didn’t know what to do. He felt such a strong feeling of love and safety in the room, but his brain was screaming at him that he didn’t deserve this and all of it was wrong. He swallowed thickly as his nausea returned.

“Where, um…where do I sleep when I’m, you know, big,” he said quietly. He could almost feel the disappointment rolling off the angels behind him so he stayed staring at the room. He couldn’t cope with seeing their faces.

“Oh, yeah, there’s an extra room down the hall that no one uses. You can use that Dean,” Sam said, glancing back at his partners with a sympathetic look. He knew the angels were excited to help Dean, but they had to understand that this was Dean they were talking about. Dean who hates feeling weak, hates help and hates not being in control, all things he was going to have change in a matter of days. This wasn’t going to be a quick process, it was going to take time and a sh*t ton of patience.

“Why don’t we all watch a movie or two, have a chill day?” Sam suggested to the quiet room. The angels both mumbled their agreement and he watched Dean nod his head so he guided the men out of the room and shut the door behind him. He directed them all to the Dean Cave and made sure to grab the treats leftover from their last movie before Dean’s incident.

The group spent the rest of the day watching movies and chatting about various things, the angels and Dean becoming a lot more talkative once the conversation strayed from Dean’s condition. Evening eventually rolled around and the group decided to call it a night. Dean changed into a pair of long-sleeved Batman pyjamas that the angels had bought for him before Gabriel gave him his dose of medicine. Sam tucked Dean into bed, watching as his eyes lit up a sweet plum colour in his fatigued state. The angels bid Dean goodnight with small hugs and Sam leant down to plant a soft kiss on Dean’s head as his glowing eyes slipped closed.

He slipped out of the room and gently shut the door behind him before he headed towards his own room. These next few days were going to be difficult but he was ready, all the Caregivers were. It was just a matter of if Dean was.

Chapter 12: LET ME GO!

Chapter Text

Dean shot up to sit bolt upright in bed, the remnants of his nightmare melting away as his panicked eyes scanned the room. He panted as bile rose in his throat and he swallowed thickly so he wouldn’t throw up. What happened? Why did he have a nightmare? He hadn’t had them for a couple of days, so he thought he was over them. He looked around the room again in a panicked daze as his brain struggled to come up with reasons. Eventually, his post-nightmare brain fog cleared and he noticed the absence of the firm, warm presence he had woken up next to over his hospital stay. Sam. He wasn’t sleeping in the same bed as Sam. Was Sammy the reason his nightmares had ceased?

He sighed and rubbed his tired eyes, ignoring the wetness of his tear-stained cheeks. His throat was scratchy and his head pounded, from the nightmare or his medication he didn’t know. He made a move to swing his legs over the bed but paused as he felt his sheets dragging with his legs in an odd way. They were sticking to his pyjama pants which in turn were plastered against his thighs feeling wet and itchy.

“No,” Dean realised in horror. “No, no, no, no, no…” He ripped the covers off and saw the shape of a large, yellow-tinged puddle surrounding him on the bed. His pyjama pants were soaked through all the way down to his knees and the bottom of his pyjama top was also slightly damp. His face screwed in anger, humiliation and sorrow as his eyes grew prickly with tears. He’d pissed the bed again. “Are you f*cking kidding me!” he cried as he threw the covers off the bed and scrambled to stand.

This was going too far. Two days in a row. Two days he had woken up to find he’d pissed himself. He couldn’t go on like this. Sammy and the angels were going to get mad at him if he kept doing this and it was just too f*cking embarrassing. Hot shame crept up his neck to stain his cheeks a dark red. He looked down at the dampened Batman pyjamas and felt his anger flare again. Why the f*ck was he letting them dress him like this? He was a grown-ass adult, not some f*cking child. In the heat of the moment, Dean slammed open his bedroom door and stomped down the hallway, ignoring the ache beginning in his chest and the way his feet tripped as he walked.

He turned the corner into the kitchen and stalked up to the cupboard where everyone kept the alcohol. He struggled with the childproof lock, his anger clouding his vision and making his hands shake. He yelled in frustration and grabbed the fire extinguisher off the wall, slamming it down on the lock a couple of times before it snapped off and the door swung open revealing a meagre collection of liquor bottles. Dean threw the extinguisher aside and grabbed a full bottle of whiskey from the back of the cupboard, unscrewing the top and holding it in front of him.

He paused for a moment. Should he do this? He was on medication, and this was going to upset Sammy and the angels. At the thought of his brother and friends, his humiliation came surging back anew with anger swirling with it. They wanted to treat him like a child? He’d show them he was a f*cking adult.

He lifted the bottle and gulped down the amber liquid, guzzling at least a third of the bottle before he had to pause to take a breath. He panted, the liquor causing a sweet burn to stream down his throat as warmth collected in his stomach. He stared at the bottle as his emotions roiled inside him, taking another long draw to numb everything as he started to sway a little on the spot. Damn, without his suppressants he could already feel the alcohol starting to kick in full force. Talk about an easy way to get a cheap night out, he should’ve ditched the suppressants when going drinking years ago.

Meanwhile, Sam was soundly sleeping when the slam of a door startled him awake. He sat up and threw the covers off, grabbing the gun he kept on his bedside table and standing. He stalked to his bedroom door and cracked it open, peeking out into the hallway. Seeing nothing he slipped out into the hall and scanned both ways. He saw Gabriel and Castiel exiting their rooms as well, the celestials casting him a concerned look that he answered with a shrug. A slamming came from the kitchen behind him followed by a snapping sound and something falling onto the floor. Sam snapped his attention to the kitchen.

“Cas, Gabe, go check on Dean,” he whispered to the angels who both nodded and jogged down the hallway. Sam started in the opposite direction towards the kitchen, gun raised in front of him. He crept along barefoot before he came to a stop outside the kitchen doorway. He spared a glance around the corner into the dark room and saw someone standing in front of the cupboards, a fire extinguisher discarded on the floor to the left. The figure seemed to be swaying on the spot, sniffling and mumbling to themself incoherently. Sam’s brow furrowed and he reached for the light switch.

He flicked on the burning light and raised his gun quickly. “Hey!” he yelled at the figure wearing…batman pyjamas? He lowered his gun as his brother turned to face him, eyes red and cheeks tear-stained as a whiskey bottle dangled loosely in his grip. By the looks of it, Dean had downed the majority of the bottle as fast as possible, and his Little genetics were catalysing the effects hence he seemed so strung out.

“The f*ck do you want?” Dean slurred as Sam stepped forward, placing his gun on the table as his eyes started to glow amber.

“Dean, what are you doing? You’re on medication you can’t drink,” he said as he stepped forward, hands raised in a peaceful gesture. He knew how Dean could be when drunk, and this seemed to be an emotion-fuelled binge session which called for the highest caution. As he stepped closer again, the smell of stale urine invaded his nostrils. He cringed internally as he re-assessed his brother, noting the soaked-through pyjamas and drawing a conclusion behind his fragile state. He’d wet himself, again. Sam cursed himself internally for yet again forgetting to put a diaper or pull up on his half-slipped brother before he fell asleep. Guilt pooled in his stomach as he looked at Dean with sad eyes.

“Stop f*cking staring at me,” Dean slurred with venom, stumbling forward as he pointed at the taller man with the whiskey bottle. Sam reached out and grabbed Dean’s arms to steady him and stop him from falling, the shorter man immediately trying to fight his way out of the grip. “Let go you…asshole!” Dean hiccupped as Sam held both his brother's wrists in one hand whilst he pried the bottle of liquor from his brother with the other and placed it behind him on the table.

“Dean. Dean! You need to calm down!” Sam said loudly as Dean struggled more and more.

“Let go! Let go of me, Sam! LET f*ckING GO!” Dean screamed as he twisted and wrenched in Sam’s grip, the man just drawing him closer as he worked himself up. He punched and kicked in a drunken stupor before Sam had him wrapped in his arms tightly, his head pressed into the man’s chest as he shushed him. Dean’s screams started to taper off into full-blown tears as Sam held him close.

“Sam!” He suddenly heard from the hallway, the angels rounding the doorway. “Dean’s not in his-” Gabriel cut off as he saw the scene in front of him. Sam holding his sobbing brother close, a fire extinguisher and broken lock on the floor and a whiskey bottle on the table with only a third of the liquor remaining. The celestials put two and two together and Sam saw their shoulders sag as their eyes began to glow as well.

“Let me go. Let me go. Let me go.” Dean sobbed into Sam’s chest as the large man just held him tightly, lowering them both to the floor as Dean’s shaky legs gave way.

“It’s alright, Dean, it’s okay. You’re okay,” Sam soothed as Dean continued to sob and mumble into his chest.

“It’s not okay! Nothing is okay! Stop f*cking lying!” Dean wailed into Sam as the man stared up at the angels in concern. Both Gabe and Cas seemed at a loss for what to do. How were they to calm the worked-up man?

“We aren’t lying, Dean,” Cas said softly as he stepped forward and crouched low, keeping a distance from the drunk man but close enough so he could be heard. “We aren’t lying to you; we would never lie to you.”

“Shut up! Liar!” Dean yelled as his body shook with rage, humiliation, and pain. His chest was starting to really hurt, and he was struggling to remain conscious of the events around him as he drowned in his alcohol-fuelled emotions and the agonising ache from his heart. He groaned and lifted his hand to grasp at the clothing over his chest. He curled in on himself as Sam loosened his grip so he could see his brother more.

“Dean, you need to calm down,” Gabe said, crouching down next to his brother and looking at the smaller man seriously. “You’re too worked up and you’re making your heart worse.”

“I just want it to stop,” Dean groaned as more tears slipped out, soaking his taller brother's already tear-stained shirt more. “I don’t want to hurt anymore. I don’t want to feel feelings anymore. I don’t want to feel anything anymore. It’s too much. It’s too much all the time. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t…” He whined and he felt Sam start to rub his back. He leaned into the touch as his emotions clouded his thoughts. He just wanted to feel loved and safe and comfortable, but he didn’t deserve it.

You’re a f*cking disgusting lowlife, don’t think for a second anyone is going to want you. Pathetic.

You’re so demanding, Jerk.

Dean, why must you always try so hard for attention?

You’re just too much sometimes, Dean-o.

The voices of his father, Sam and the angels swirled in his mind. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t be a burden. That’s why he was an adult. Yeah, he was an adult. He wasn’t a stupid baby. Yet here he was in his brother's arms in piss-stained clothes and crying his heart out.

“Dean, it’s alright to let go,” Sam said, his voice rumbling Dean’s ear that was pressed against his chest. “We want to help you. We want a Little in the home. We have wanted this for so long.”

“But you didn’t want me,” Dean said, his voice sounding whiny and pathetic to his ears. “I’m a burden, I’m too much. I don’t deserve any of it. I’m pathetic.” Dean covered his ears with his hands, not wanting to hear the response he would receive from the men surrounding him. He was sure he was right, that the Caregivers were going to tell him how much they hated him. He cried harder as he felt hands softly tugging his hands away from his ears. “Don’t, don’t don’t…” he mumbled. He didn’t want to hear their harsh words. Why couldn’t they just spare him the pain?

“Dean, you are not a burden,” came Castiel’s low voice. Dean peered through watery eyes to see a swimming vision of Cas holding his shaking hands. The image dipped and doubled from the alcohol still raging through his system and he hiccupped with his heaving breaths. “You are not pathetic, and you do deserve this, everyone deserves to feel safe, loved and to be themselves,” Cas continued.

Sam smiled at Cas’s words, holding his hiccupping, crying brother close. “I know the suppressants made your emotions manageable, but this is normal Dean. Your emotional control is genetically based on that of a small child,” Gabe spoke from beside Cas, drawing Dean’s shaky attention. “When you let go and slip, it’ll be so much easier. You’ll think like a child, act like a child, and your emotions will be easier to handle because we will all be there to help you.” Dean sniffled as Gabe paused, fixing the drunk man with a reassuring gaze and a small smile.

“You aren’t going to have to deal with anything by yourself anymore Dean,” Sam spoke, rubbing his hand on Dean’s back as the man looked up at him. His eyes were bloodshot from crying and half-lidded in his drunken state, but Sam knew he had his full attention. “You aren’t alone anymore. None of us are going anywhere. We want you here Dean, we want you with us.” He paused for a moment, weighing his next words in his mind before he decided he was going to just say it.

“We want you to be our Little.”

Dean froze at his brother’s words. They wanted him? They actually wanted him to be their Little. They were choosing him. He didn’t know how to react. His emotions swirled around inside him with hope now crashing the party and swelling in his aching chest. His eyes prickled as he stared into his brother's caring eyes, searching for any dishonesty or malicious intent in the burning amber. He glanced at the two angels and saw them fixing him with a similar caring and hopeful gaze. He found nothing but love and want in all the Caregiver's eyes, and not knowing how to react he just burst into tears again, turning back into Sam’s chest and holding onto his shirt tight.

The Caregivers all shared a hopeful look with each other. This wasn’t a no. They could tell the difference in Dean’s cries. What had been frustration and humiliation before was now shock and relief. Sam held his brother close, resting his chin on the shorter man’s head. Cas and Gabe both leaned forward and wrapped around the two mortal brothers. They sat like that for a few minutes, the Caregivers all holding the short man in an embrace as their calming pheromones helped soothe his crying. Eventually, Dean’s sobs tapered off to sniffles and small hiccups.

“I think someone should have a bath now, hm?” Sam said as the angels both unlocked from the hug and moved back. They smiled as Dean nodded his head against his brother, rubbing at his face to clear the snot and tears with clumsy, drunken movements.

“You…you guys are alright…” Dean slurred as he lifted his head to look at the angels before he plopped it back on Sam’s chest and held a shaky thumbs up to the angels. Gabe snorted as Cas shook his head and grinned at the floor.

“Here you go buddy, let’s avoid a hangover-fuelled tantrum tomorrow huh?” Gabe said, reaching forward and placing two fingers on the drunken man’s head, chuckling as Dean went cross-eyed to watch the fingers. He let his grace flow through the shorter man and clear the alcohol from his system. Once finished, Dean was just left as a very tired man, Gabe having angelically boosted the pre-existing fatigue already plaguing Dean’s mind.

“All gone,” Gabe said out loud, standing again and crossing to the doorway. “Me and Cas will go sort out his room, I’ll leave clothes in there for after his bath.” He motioned for his younger brother to follow him, the seraph nodding and leaving the kitchen down the corridor. I made him a little more tired, so he should be easy to bathe and dress. Gabe spoke in Sam’s mind as he winked at the taller man. Sam smiled in thanks and nodded as his archangel boyfriend jogged out of the room to catch up with Cas.

“Come on Dean, let’s get you to the bath,” Sam said to the limp body pressed against him. Dean hummed in response and raised his arms, looping them around Sam’s neck and resting his head on the taller man’s shoulder. Sam chuckled at the blatant request to be carried and he stood slowly, slipping his arms under Dean’s knees and back to hold him bridal style. He left the kitchen, turning off the light on his way out, and started down the corridor to the communal bathroom. He pushed the door open with his foot and slipped inside, closing it with his back and fiddling with the lock until it clicked.

He crossed to the tub and placed Dean on the floor against the wall, unlinking the sleepy man’s arms from around his neck and smiling a little at the whine the loss of contact drew from the man. He leaned over the bath and turned on the taps, playing with the knobs until he found the perfect temperature and let the tub fill up. As he was dipping his hand in the water he felt a tug at his pants leg. He looked down and saw that Dean had shuffled from the wall so he had his back against the tub, his knees drawn up to his chest and his head resting sideways on them as his hand held onto Sam’s left pant leg. His eyes were closed as he waited for the bath to fill, his breathing evening out as Sam watched on with a smile. Once the tub was full, he turned off the water, checking the temperature one more time before he reached down to his brother.

“Come on Dean, bath time buddy,” he said, pulling Dean up slowly from the floor and watching as Dean’s eyelids cracked open to reveal pale lilac irises. Sam smiled and pressed a kiss to Dean’s sweaty forehead, the man smiling a little at the affection and leaning forward to rest against his taller brother. “No, no, bud,” Sam chuckled, pushing Dean back upright so he could unchange him. Dean fixed him with a sleepy scowl and pouted as Sam started to tug his damp Batman shirt over his head. Then Sam crouched down to pull off Dean’s pyjama bottoms and boxers, Dean not even caring about being stood naked in front of his younger brother.

Sam threw the soiled clothing to the side and looked back to his brother just to freeze in horror. Covering his older brother's shoulders, hips and ankles were hundreds of white and pink lines. Cuts made strategically in overlapping ladders across the pale, freckled skin. Sam’s mouth hung open. His brother had been doing this to himself? For how long? By the looks of the mottled, scarred skin it had been going on for years. And Sam hadn’t even noticed. A pit of self-loathing and intense guilt opened in his stomach as his eyes scanned his brother’s self-inflicted injuries.

“Sammy?” Dean mumbled, opening his eyes again and blearily scanning the room for his brother. Sam watched as Dean’s eyes found him and he held out his arms with a whine, sounding as if he was about to burst back into tired tears. He rushed forward so Dean’s hands could wrap in his tear-soaked sleep shirt.

“It’s alright Dean, I’m here,” Sam choked around the lump in his throat. He cleared his throat before continuing. “Let’s get you in the bath now.” He said as he lifted his brother over the edge of the bath and down into the water. He helped the short man lie back in a reclined position and set to work cleaning the entirety of Dean’s body with a soapy cloth. He took extra care when brushing over the bumpy, scarred skin, hyper-aware of the more angry-looking red lines that seemed to be a week old at most. He kept glancing at Dean’s peaceful face, watching to see if any semblance of pain crossed his features. But the man didn’t flinch, not even once despite the soap invading the semi-healed cuts resting on top of the past scars.

Sam’s head was spinning. Had he really been so selfish, so self-absorbed with his own ideals and dreams that he had completely disregarded his older brother? The same brother who sacrificed and gave everything so Sam could have every opportunity to chase said dreams and ideals. He hadn’t noticed the suppressants, so how could he have noticed the hidden cuts? Sam beat himself up mentally over the situation as tears heated his eyes and threatened to fall. He was a pathetic excuse of a brother and he needed to do his best to make it up to Dean, in any way he could.

“Sammy,” Dean mumbled from Sam’s left. He paused in cleaning Dean’s leg and looked over to meet his brother’s lilac glowing eyes. Dean studied him for a moment, taking in Sam’s watery eyes and his tense position knelt next to the tub. “It’s okay Sammy, you couldn’t have known. That was the point,” Dean said quietly, too exhausted to raise his voice any louder. Sam averted his gaze from his brother’s soft eyes and stared at the water in the tub, a couple of tears falling and rippling the soapy surface. He heard the water slosh as Dean moved, suddenly feeling his brother's wet hand gently holding his own that was dangling close over the water.

“I don’t even want to do it anymore, Sammy,” Dean said as he squeezed his brother’s hand. “Not after tonight.” Sam looked up and met Dean’s gaze. Amber meeting lilac as the silence surrounded them. “I promise,” Dean said as he held his brother’s gaze, trying his best to push all his honesty, trust and hope into his gaze so his brother would know he wasn’t lying. Sam held Dean’s gaze for a minute, considering the weight of his brother’s words and what they meant. He smiled as another few tears streaked his face and he nodded, turning back to keep cleaning his brother as Dean smiled back and closed his eyes again.

Sam quickly finished bathing the shorter man and emptied the tub, helping his brother out and wrapping him in a big, soft, fluffy towel from the rack near the tub. He quickly bent down, picked up the wet Batman pyjamas and tucked them into the laundry basket in the corner out of Dean’s view. He walked back over to his brother who was swaying on the spot with his eyes closed. “Alright sweetheart,” he said as he stood in front of Dean, rubbing his hands on Dean’s arms to warm the slightly shivering man. “You want to walk or be carried?” he asked.

Dean immediately leant forward into Sam’s hold and went up on his tiptoes. Sam chuckled and shifted him over, so his brother’s head was on his shoulder, scooping him up easily into bridal style again. It was easier to carry him this way so he stayed wrapped in the warm towel and his hairless body wouldn’t get too chilly. He left the bathroom, Dean in his arms, and started down towards Dean’s ‘big’ bedroom. He opened the door to find the bed made with clean sheets and a small pile of clothes on the bed with a pull-up placed on top. He prayed a thanks to the angels and shut Dean’s door behind him.

He stood Dean up at the end of his bed, the man startling slightly as he had been dozing off as his brother carried him. Sam used Dean’s towel to quickly dry the short man and his hair before he chucked the towel on a nearby chair. He saw Dean shiver at the room temperature and so quickly grabbed the pull-up from the bed. He knelt in front of Dean and started helping his brother into it. He got it halfway up Dean’s calves before he felt his brother’s hands on his shoulders. He looked up to meet Dean’s lavender gaze, which was full of fear, a slight blush of embarrassment staining his cheeks.

“It’s alright Dean, this will be way more comfortable than waking in a wet bed,” Sam said reassuringly, rubbing his hand on the side of Dean’s shin. “Plus, you’ll probably be wearing diapers when you’re small.” Dean still looked unconvinced, his gaze drifting to the side as his fingers fidgeted with the fabric on Sam’s shoulders. “Dean,” Sam said, reaching up and gently pulling his brother’s chin so he was looking into his eyes again. “Can you trust me on this?” He asked. Dean paused for a moment, his face looking conflicted. After a moment, he nodded and removed his hands from Sam’s shoulders. Sam smiled and pulled the pull-up the rest of the way up until it sat snuggly around his brother’s hips.

“Thank you, sweetheart,” he said, pressing a kiss to Dean’s forehead, the man smiling a little at the affection. Sam then grabbed the soft pyjamas off the bed, slipping the camo sleep shorts and the white pyjama top sporting a shark with a soldier helmet on it onto his brother. They definitely needed to go shopping in the morning, they couldn’t keep relying on the angels to mojo everything up for them. That and they needed changing equipment, food utensils and most importantly, toys.

He guided the sleepy man to sit on the bed as he grabbed the last article of clothing on the bed. It was a plain grey sleep shirt in his size. He smiled and changed into the top, discarding the tear-soaked one on a chair in the corner. He silently thanked the angels again for knowing he would be staying with the Little for the night and would want a clean sleep shirt.

He pulled back the covers and helped Dean lay down, shifting him to the right side of the bed so he had space to climb in beside him. Dean whined as his eyes opened, shining a bright plum colour as his hands searched for his brother. “It’s alright, Dean,” Sam cooed at his brother, swiping the man’s wet hair out of his face. “I’m coming in now, sweetie.”

He laid down next to Dean, the half-slipped Little immediately curling up into his side. Dean’s leg wrapped up over his brother’s waist as his head rested on his chest, arms tucked against his own chest so they were sandwiched between the Caregiver and himself. Sam pulled the covers up to lay across them both and watched as Dean gave a deep, contented sigh and immediately dropped off to sleep. He smiled and carded his hand through the shorter man’s damp hair.

It took a little while but eventually, he felt his eyelids getting heavy, helped by the warm body pressed against him. He reflected on the events of the past hour, all that had been revealed and how Dean hadn’t outrightly said no to his and the angels' offer. Sam smiled as warmth filled his chest and hope fluttered in his stomach.

This might just yet turn out to be the best thing that has happened to their family.

Chapter 13: I Wish I Was Enough The Way I Am

Chapter Text

Dean woke up with a shiver. Why was it so damn cold? Hadn’t Sam fallen asleep with him last night? Where was the warm body next to him and why were the covers kicked so low down on the bed? He cracked open his eyes and peered at the empty space on the sheets next to him where Sammy would’ve been laying. Instead, all he saw was his own two hands gripping tight onto a plain grey sleep shirt. Hang on. Hadn’t Sam been wearing that last night?

Dean sat up slowly and rubbed his eyes to clear away the remnants of his sleep. He felt amazing, despite the fact he’d chugged down enough liquor last night to have the biggest bitch of a hangover this morning. Thank f*ck for angels and their mojo. He made a mental note to thank Gabriel as he climbed out of bed, the sleep shirt hanging in his grip. He left the room, leaving the door open behind him, and pattered down the corridor. He was silently thanking the angels interior design choices as he walked, this would’ve frozen his feet if it was still concrete.

He heard conversation drifting down the hallway along with the tantalising aroma of bacon and eggs. Dean’s stomach growled at him as he sped up, the thought of food making his mouth water as if he could already taste it. Rounding the doorway into the kitchen he was met with Sam sat at the table opposite Cas; both men were dressed for the day and eating half-filled plates of food as they chatted, Cas multitasking with a book. Gabe was stood in front of the stove, dressed in his usual clothing style and accessorized with a black apron, bold white words stating ‘Mr Good Lookin’ is Cookin’’ across the chest. Dean rolled his eyes at the corny phrase and wandered into the room.

The liquor bottle from last night was nowhere in sight, as was the broken lock, and the fire extinguisher was back on the wall where it belonged. Stealing a glance at the open cupboard that had once housed the alcohol, Dean saw it was empty bar from a few wooden utensils. He jumped a little as Gabe shut the cupboard with a small slam and a new child-proof lock clicked in place.

“Oh, morning kiddo,” Gabe said as he noticed Dean looking at him. “Sleeping Beauty is awake boys,” Gabe spoke again, this time in the direction of his brother and lover. The men at the table turned to Dean with matching smiles, it was almost creepy how synchronised it was. Dean held up the sleep shirt in his hand and quirked an eyebrow at his brother. Sam just smiled.

“You didn’t want to let go, and I thought you needed more sleep so I just slipped out of it,” he spoke as he scooped up another forkful of scrambled egg and popped it in his mouth. “It’s okay, I got changed anyway.”

“However, me and Cas would like to thank you for that lovely wakeup call,” Gabe smirked and winked at Dean. “And for the fact that you are a heavy sleeper.” Dean grimaced and looked to Cas and Sam who were both blushing hard and suddenly very intrigued by their meals in front of them.

“Dude!” Dean said in a disgusted tone looking at Gabe again. “That’s my brother, man!” All he got in response was laughter from the archangel and snickering from the kitchen table.

“Dean, I have had to listen to so many stories of your sexual escapades,” Sam said fixing his brother with an amused stare. Dean went bright red and stared at the floor. Sam tilted his head confused by his brother’s actions before realisation dawned on him. “Wait, you-”

“Shut up, Sam,” Dean mumbled, fiddling with the shirt in his hands as his face grew hotter and hotter. f*ck, this really wasn’t how he wanted the morning to start, a humiliating discovery. The fact that he could feel a moist pull up squishing a little between his legs as he shifted from foot to foot made him feel even more stupid.

“Dean-o, are you a virgin?” Gabe asked incredulously, eyes wide as the realisation also dawned on him. Cas choked a little on his mouthful of bacon before he looked up with a shocked expression.

“I mean…yeah…” Dean said quietly, feeling all eyes on him. He looked up and continued defensively. “I can’t help it! It’s my genetics! You guys are Caregivers you should know how Little biology works; we have no sex drive…”

“I just thought…with all your stories and stuff and the fact you would disappear for nights at a time,” Sam said as he turned in his seat to meet his brother’s defensive stare. “I mean I’ve literally watched you flirt with every woman in a bar, Dean.”

“Flirting and sex are very different things Sammy,” Dean shot back, crossing his arms and looking down again. “I just wanted you to think I was normal. I would flirt with a few women, make a comment about them to you, then drive to a parking lot in Baby and sleep in her for the night. Then I’d come back and just make up some random sex-filled story to gross you out.” Dean explained. “It was kind of funny to make you uncomfortable though,” he said as he looked back up and shot Sam a cheeky grin.

Sam fixed him with bitch face #14 and turned back to his breakfast as Cas gave a small chuckle. Dean grinned at Cas as the man looked back to his book, success! He’d stuck the landing! Awkward moment officially over, nice one Winchester.

“Alright, well,” Gabe cut across the quiet, catching Dean’s attention again. He turned and saw the angel plating up a load of bacon and eggs for him. He practically bounced on the balls of his feet as he stared at the food, god it looked good. “You go get changed in the nursery buddy, then you can have your breakfast.” Gabe said as he pushed the plate over to the side. Dean frowned; he wanted it now. Gabe turned and saw his pouty expression. “Dean, stop looking like a kicked puppy,” Gabe chuckled. “Go get changed. Your clothes from yesterday are still clean so you can wear those, but we’ll get some new ones today when we go shopping for baby Dean.”

Dean cringed at the last phrase, but none of the Caregivers noticed as they were all involved in their own activities again. Baby Dean. Those two words planted a horrible, festering seed in his chest. That’s right, the Caregivers were all excited to have baby Dean here. “Um, ok,” He mumbled and retreated out the kitchen, his feet dragging slightly. The nauseous feeling was back in his stomach as he tripped and meandered down the hallway, but this time it was from his own emotions. He reached his old bedroom and pushed open the door, slipping inside and shutting it behind him noting how there was no lock present to click in place. He turned and surveyed the bright room, eyes roaming over the Wild West walls and similarly themed objects dotted about.

It's not that he hated the room, it was actually pretty cool if you disregarded the fact that it’s a nursery, but why did they have to put it in his room. Yeah, he knew that it was technically for him, but he couldn’t help the sour feeling curdling in his stomach at how quickly the Caregivers transformed his room after discovering his secret. It seemed like they were all too happy to erase any trace of Dean Dean in favour of baby Dean. Did they even like him the way he was? Were they just putting up with him so they could have the Little they’ve always wanted when he finally slipped? They had literally chucked him in a plain room down the far end of the corridor away from all their rooms and the nursery the moment he had mentioned being ‘big’.

Dean shook his head and crossed to the changing table where his clothes lay folded. He made quick work of unchanging and dressing in the same khaki shorts and dinosaur shirt from yesterday, discarding the wet pull up in the barrel themed diaper bin. He slipped on the knee-high socks and pushed them down to his ankles again, making sure the cuts that Sam had discovered during the bath were covered. He didn’t need the whole world seeing them, just Sammy and the angels. He then begrudgingly slipped on the pastel green converse and pulled the velcro tabs shut before standing and jogging back to the kitchen, shutting the offending room door behind him tightly. He tried to focus on the food he was heading towards rather than the poisonous thoughts spreading their tendrils in his mind.

Once back in the kitchen, he crossed quickly to the table and hopped up on the seat next to Sam, the taller man pushing the plate of bacon and eggs in front of him and handing him the silver utensils. Just as he was about to dig in, Dean noticed that all the bacon and eggs were cut up into bite size chunks. He paused and looked up at Sam with a scowl. The tall man held up his hands in a ‘not me’ gesture and Dean shifted his gaze to Cas. The man sat with a dirtied knife and fork next to him, fixing Dean with a sweet soft smile. Dean faltered; he didn’t want to hurt Cas’s feelings. He gave a small smile and turned back to his breakfast, working through the food as thoughts battered his brain. He couldn’t even eat breakfast without the reminder that everyone around him was waiting for a version of himself he didn’t even know.

Was he really that unlikable as he was?

He shovelled down the bacon and eggs as quickly as possible, just so they could get out of the claustrophobic space of the bunker. Once finished, Gabriel took his plate and cleaned it quickly before he took off his ridiculous apron and hung it on the wall.

“Ready to go?” Gabe asked cheerfully. Cas and Sam spoke their agreements and stood, making their way into the war room together. Dean paused for a moment, attempting to quiet the thoughts raging in his mind before he stood and followed them. Gabriel walked beside him, resting his hand on Dean’s lower back to guide him forwards. Once in the adjoining space, Dean walked up to stand between Sam and Cas, the seraph immediately placing a warm hand on his shoulder and giving him a smile. Dean tried his best to reciprocate the smile but felt he’d achieved more of a grimace, luckily the angel didn’t notice.

Gabe stood next to Sam, his hand resting on the taller man’s arm. He began a countdown for their flight, which Dean was grateful for. “Wait!” Sam said loudly when Gabe hit three, making Dean jump almost a foot in the air next to him. He crouched down in front of his older brother and pulled the white socks up to just below the scowling man’s knees. Sam stood back up with a grin and allowed Gabriel to grab him again and continue the countdown, turning and winking at Dean as the archangel hit one just before the world warped around them.

Dean’s feet hit solid ground and he stumbled, Cas grasping him tight so he wouldn’t face-plant on his unsteady feet. He groaned as he clutched his stomach, the pre-existing nausea in his stomach growing worse from the sudden relocation. He felt the cool tingling of angelic grace wash through his body from where Cas’s hand was still connected with his shoulder, dampening the nausea in his stomach to a much more tolerable level. He turned and gave Cas a thankful nod before rounding on his brother.

“Really Sam?” He said annoyed, gesturing at his sock-covered legs. With the shorts and now the knee-high socks he looked like a preppy schoolboy.

“What?” Sam said, trying to stifle his laughter and feign ignorance. “You look adorable.” Dean glowered at the man as the angels chuckled off to the sides.

“Oh ha ha,” Dean sassed. “Very funny bi-” A loud eruption of barks burst from a nearby German Shepherd who had spotted a passing squirrel. Dean felt his body lock up and he froze, instantly chilling with a cold sweat. A flashback assaulted his senses, drowning out the surrounding parking lot until he was only left with flashing images and sounds.

Sick ‘em boy.

Haunting barks. Invisible threat. Horrible howling. A clock chiming. Sharp claws. Gnashing teeth. His chest being ripped open. Sam screaming and crying. Lillith giggling. Agony. Blood everywhere, hot and tacky. Sammy begging. Blinding light. Darkness. The Pit. Chains. Screaming, both his own and the souls around him. Pain. So much pain.

Dean flinched as he felt hands pressing on his arms. He let out what felt like a strangled cry, he couldn’t tell. All he could hear was the barking of the dog in his ears, everything else was silent. In a panic he launched himself at the closest object, latching on with his arms around the person's neck and locking his legs around their waist. He buried his face in their collar, soaking the fabric with frightened tears. The barking was still deafening. It isn’t stopping, why isn’t it stopping? Because they wanted him back, that’s why. They were going to drag him back to the Pit.

He felt pairs of hands rubbing on his back as he cried and screamed. The person holding him was swaying softly from side to side. His throat was starting to hurt, he couldn’t hear himself yelling but he felt the words ripping from his lungs. There was a tingling feeling of grace in the air before the dog barking was silenced. His own voice took over and filled his ears. “Stop! Please! I don’t want to go back! Don’t let them take me back!” He was yelling over and over and over. For how long he didn’t know. The hands kept rubbing his back and the sway underneath him was soothing and eventually, after an incomprehensible amount of time, his cries shrunk to sniffles and hiccups.

As he quieted, a low voice rumbled from the chest his body was pressed against. A song reached his ears as he kept his face deep into the neck of the person holding him.

“Hey Jude, don't make it bad,

Take a sad song and make it better,

Remember to let her into your heart,

Then you can start to make it better.”

From somewhere beside him, two more less gravelly voices joined in the singing. The hands on his back still rubbed soothing circles as his mind calmed and his death grip lessened on the poor person he was clung to.

“Hey Jude, don't be afraid,

You were made to go out and get her,

The minute you let her under your skin,

Then you begin to make it better.”

He lifted his head out of its hiding space, unscrunching his tightly shut eyes and blinking away the last of the stubborn tears. He turned to the side to be met with piercing orange eyes and very dark brown hair. Castiel. Cas had him. Hmm, kind of full circle. He saw Gabe and Sam standing beside Cas, their hands being the ones resting on his back. All three men had their eyes glowing in concern.

“Hey buddy, it’s alright. I got rid of the dog and its owner,” Gabe commented, rubbing a reassuring hand on Dean’s back again, the man seeming to enjoy the comforting motion.

“It’s all okay now Dean,” Sam said, reaching over and wiping the tears off of his brother’s face as he sniffled and hiccupped. “Nothing is going to get you ever again, not as long as we are here.”

“Your heart rate has lowered considerably, are you feeling a bit better?” Cas asked, stilling his swaying motion. Dean wouldn’t admit it but he was a little sad it had stopped. He nodded and felt a blush of embarrassment climbing up his cheeks as he unlocked his legs which had been tightly constricting the seraph’s waist.

“Sorry…for jumping on you…” Dean muttered, his face growing hotter as Cas smiled at him widely.

“It’s quite alright, Dean, I enjoy holding you close,” Cas reassured him. Dean felt his blush lessen as some of his embarrassment seeped away. “Shall we head into the mall now?” Castiel questioned the group, Dean feeling him preparing to put him down. His hands resting on Cas’s shoulders gripped tighter at the prospect. He didn’t want to get down, not yet. He still felt as if he was being stalked by the invisible hounds, as if he was going to be snatched away the moment he was on his own.

“Can I-!” he yelled rather loudly, causing Cas to freeze in his motion. He cleared his throat nervously before continuing. “Can I stay up here for a bit…” he mumbled as he looked away, sure that Cas was going to tell him ‘no’ and then dump him on the floor. After a moment he glanced back to see the seraph looking at him with sparkling eyes and a bright smile.

“Of course, Dean, whatever you need,” Cas replied, his heart fluttering in excitement that Dean trusted him enough to carry him. Dean gave a small smile and helped Cas who shifted him to his hip to make carrying the extra weight easier. Glancing to the side, Dean saw Sam and Gabe sharing excited, giddy looks between themselves and Cas. Dean rolled his eyes at them and turned to look around the mall they had just passed through the doors of.

The mall was shaped like a long, very wide hallway with shops lining the sides as far as Dean could see. A small bend in the complex hid half the mall from view but Dean assumed the shops just kept going and going. Kiosks dotted the centre of the complex with escalators leading up to the second floor. Looking up, Dean saw some bridges crossing from the sides of the second floor underneath a giant, full glass ceiling letting natural light flood the entire space. Dean took a deep breath in and smelled the cacophony of aromas drifting down from the second-floor food court. He definitely had to visit there later, with or without his group he didn’t care. He wanted a burger.

His mood soured slightly as Cas carried him with Sam and Gabe over towards a large store on the left-hand side. The large glowing sign stating ‘Littlelux’ taunted him from above as they crossed the threshold into the brightly coloured store. He felt his mouth drop open. Everywhere, as far as the eye could see, Little paraphernalia adorned shelves, racks and stacks. Dean couldn’t believe his eyes. No way Little’s needed all this crap! Bright colours surrounded him and hurt his eyes as cheerful music grated against his ears. This place was way too happy and cheery and sweet, Dean felt like gagging at the atmosphere of the store.

He groaned internally as the group turned and he found himself being carried over to a large section labelled ‘BABIES’ with Sam and Gabe leading the way. He glared at the objects on the shelves as the Caregivers sifted through them, picking up bottles and sippy cups and eating utensils. All themed and all made of very brightly coloured plastics and silicone. The cart was slowly filling, and he resigned himself to just sitting on Cas’s hip and glowering at everything around him.

Cas helped Sam pick out a couple of themed bibs and placed them in the cart as Gabe chattered on about getting an apron for baby Dean so he could be his ‘kitchen helper’. He glanced at the man perched on his hip. Dean had been silent ever since they walked into the mall, and it was starting to perturb Cas. The Dean he knew would be cracking jokes and picking fun at his tall brother so he could deflect the attention from his episode in the parking lot and cheer them all up. This was very odd. Cas wondered if there was something more to this that was causing the short man’s stony silence, but he didn’t know what.

Dean was at his breaking point. He was so sick of hearing ‘baby Dean this’ and ‘baby Dean that’. It was starting to drive him insane. All the sorrow and betrayal he had been feeling about his earlier realisations and thoughts were turning into red-hot rage that was boiling beneath the surface of his skin. As they reached the clothing aisle, he’d had enough and he needed to cool off. “Can I get down now Cas,” he muttered to the seraph, trying his best to keep the anger from slipping into his voice. He was almost trembling with how angry he felt.

Cas gave him an odd look but nodded his head and placed Dean on his feet. As soon as he was steady Dean took off down the aisle at a slow walk, so he didn’t aggravate his already aching heart thanks to that stupid PTSD episode. Yes, he knew he had PTSD, but he’d never admit it to anyone. Especially not to Sam. Speak of the devil (not literally okay, Lucifer can f*ck himself), he heard the heavy, lumbering steps of his brother approaching behind him. He felt one of Sam’s large paws land on his shoulder.

“Hey, man,” Sam asked, peering at his tense brother. “You okay?”

“f*ck off, Sam,” Dean growled, shaking off his brother’s hand and taking a step forward, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Dean, what-” Sam began, his voice laced with concern. Dean spun around to glare at his tall brother.

“I said, f*ck off, Sam!” Dean snapped. “Are you deaf or something? I’m not having the best time here, why can’t you just f*cking leave me alone?” Dean could feel his face growing red with anger. He was starting to spiral, and if Sam didn’t walk away now there was going to be a fight. He could see his brother fighting to keep a bitch face off his features.

“This is ridiculous, Dean,” Sam started, his frustration seeping into his tone. “You’re so hot and cold with all this stuff that it’s starting to get annoying. Just, stay close and we’ll get you a churro or pretzel or something in a few minutes, yeah?” He finished, going to turn and look at the clothes on the racks nearby. Dean felt a stab of pain in his chest, not from his f*cked-up heart but from his brother’s flippant words.

“What?! Are you serious?” He yelled, garnering Sam’s attention again. The man spun around in surprise at Dean’s raised voice. “I don’t want a sh*tty piece of fried dough you moron! I want to leave!” Dean could feel his face getting hotter and hotter as he gestured wildly with his hands.

“Dude!” Sam whisper-yelled, almost a hiss. “Keep your voice down, you’re going to cause a scene.” He was looking up and down the empty aisle as if a crowd was going to form to watch them argue. Dean scoffed at the action.

“Oh, what? Don’t want people to see your stupid Little brother acting this way, huh?” He yelled at the tall man towering over him. “I don’t care, Sam! I’ll make a scene if I f*ckING WANT TO!” He screamed the last few words into his brother’s face, Sam’s features twisting into barely contained anger as well.

From the side, the angels watched the exchange with growing concern. Cas knew there was something else going on, and now Dean was snapping and spiralling out of control. He glanced at Gabriel who nodded to him. He nodded back and waved a hand over their half-filled cart, using his grace so that it wouldn’t be disturbed in their absence. Then he stepped forward and grabbed Gabe’s shoulder as the archangel stepped towards to angry Winchesters.

“Alright, time out,” Gabe said, grabbing the brothers’ arms and quickly teleporting them out the back of the mall. After checking there were no witnesses, he created a silencing bubble around them so they wouldn’t draw attention.

Dean stumbled at the sudden relocation and clutched his stomach, the contents once again getting ready to jump out his throat. He felt the cool wash of grace again as Gabriel calmed his nausea and he spared him a quick glance and a nod of thanks, refusing to let go of the rage still coursing through his body. He then wrenched his arm out of the archangel’s grip and crossed his arms over his chest again, staring down his younger brother with a glare.

“Dean, what is wrong with you man?” Sam asked, his anger dissipating a little as he took in Dean’s appearance. The man was red in the face and breathing heavily. His entire body was tense, and his arms were crossed defensively across his chest. It looked like he was a coiled spring, ready to pounce. Whether at him or away from them all Sam couldn’t tell.

“What’s wrong? What’s wrong?! You guys are treating me like a damn placeholder that’s what’s wrong!” Dean yelled at the shocked Caregivers. Their looks of confusion just fuelled his rage even more. “It’s all baby Dean, baby Dean, baby Dean. Baby Dean isn’t f*cking real! We are the same person! You’re treating me like I’m in the way of this stupid little thing that you want so badly, like I hold no value or anything the way I am. Well, news flash dickhe*ds, if you don’t like me then you won’t like him because guess what… WE’RE THE SAME f*ckING PERSON!” He ended with another scream, panting heavily at the rant that spilled out of him. His chest ached something awful with every breath.

The Caregivers in front of him all stood with their mouths open in shock, eyebrows furrowed in concern over glowing orange eyes. When they’d started glowing Dean didn’t know, he’d been too busy lost in his words and thoughts.

“Dean…you think we don’t like you?” Cas said in a small voice that almost broke Dean’s resolve, but he didn’t allow it. They needed to hear this. He needed them to hear this.

“Well, obviously,” he answered with a sneer. “You took away my room and changed it into a nursery and then dumped me down the far end of the corridor away from you all the moment I mentioned being big.” He uncrossed his arms and let them hang limply at his sides as he let out a sigh. “Look, if you don’t like me, I get it. But stop treating me like I’m just in the way of what you want. I'm the same person both ways. I’m still Dean. I just…wish I was enough the way I am, you know?”

Suddenly Dean found himself face-first in a chest. Sam’s chest. He felt wet droplets dripping into his hair as his brother shuddered against him. “Dean, I’m so sorry!” Sam cried as he gripped Dean close. “You are enough, I promise! I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” He moved back and held Dean at arm’s length, bending down a little so he was eye to eye with his shocked older brother.

“You are enough, Dean,” he said in a strong voice. “You are more than enough. We were so caught up in the excitement of your classification and what it meant that we didn’t even think of how you might be feeling about all these changes and stuff.” He paused, searching Dean’s eyes which were starting to glow a pale lavender. “You are enough for us Dean, Little or not we love you just the same. You are loved, you are valued and your opinions matter in all this. I’m so sorry for making you feel like they didn’t. I promise I’ll never make you feel that way again.” He said, watching a stray tear roll down Dean’s cheek. He wiped it away with his thumb and drew the short man in for a hug resting his lips against the top of Dean’s head. Sam let out a sigh as he felt him reciprocate and wrap his arms around his waist this time. “Just talk to us, sweetheart.” He mumbled into Dean’s hair, holding on tight as if he was going to disappear.

Dean couldn’t believe it. Sammy had…apologised? He half expected to get thrown out the bunker for this, but boy had he been wrong. He felt his eyes getting more and more watery as Sam spoke, fading into lavender as his instincts responded to his brother’s pheromones. When Sam had drawn him close again, he’d hugged back rather than let his arms hang limply. Relief was flooding his system, washing away the anger as he felt two more people join in the hug. They liked him the way he was. Little or not. They loved him and wanted him around. He let out a shuddery breath as another tear rolled out, soaking into Sam’s top.

“We won’t say stuff like that or refer to baby Dean using that phrase anymore, buddy,” He heard Gabe speak from his left. He turned his head against Sam’s chest to be met with the archangel’s glowing orange eyes. “I’m sorry, I didn’t notice how insensitive I was being. You are baby Dean, you’re the same person. It’s just Dean.” He smiled as the archangel brushed a hand through his spiky hair. They got it. They understood.

“Ever since I pulled you from perdition, I’ve loved you, Dean,” Cas said, Dean turning his head to the right to see the seraph beside him. “Your soul is pure and bright; despite all you’ve been through and all you’ve done for the world. You most certainly are enough the way you are, please don’t ever doubt that again.” Cas finished, eyes watery and orange as a tear slipped out. Dean detached from Sam, the taller man allowing him to go easily. He drew Cas into a warm embrace, holding it for a few moments before he shifted and did the same for Gabe.

“Thank you…for understanding and listening to me,” Dean smiled at the Caregivers. “Now, about some new clothes? I am so over dinosaurs right now,” He said with a smirk, enjoying the grins and laughter it drew from the other men. He watched as Gabe waved a hand and removed the silencing bubble around them, the sounds of the breeze and nearby traffic returning. Just as Gabe placed a hand on Cas and Sam’s shoulders, Dean moved forward and held his arms up towards Sam with a shy smile.

Sam paused for a moment in surprise before smiling wide and lifting Dean up onto his hip, tickling the short man’s ribs in the process and coaxing a giggle from him. He held his brother close, watching as his eyes changed to glow a sweet, plum colour and feeling his own eyes glow stronger in response. Dean reached across and wiped the last of Sam’s tears off his face as Gabriel teleported them back to their cart in the Littlelux store, automatically channelling a little grace into Dean to quell his nausea again.

The rest of their time in the store was spent choosing out clothes for sleeping, daywear and special events. Dean vehemently fought against anything being placed into the cart that had dinosaurs on it, grabbing them from his position on his brother’s hip and chucking them back on the racks with a scowl. This greatly amused the small family, Gabe purposefully placing dinosaur-themed tops and socks into the cart to get a reaction from the half-slipped Little.

Castiel, meanwhile, was watching every outfit being placed in the cart. He then turned to the pacifiers on the wall behind him and chose a themed pacifier with a matching clip that fit with each new outfit, which then promptly found its way into the cart. Slowly, the products were being overrun with pacifiers, Sam having to step in and intervene as Cas went to pick yet another one off the wall. “Hey, Cas, I think he’s got enough now babe,” he chuckled, taking the pacifier from Cas’s hand, and hanging it back up. He picked up a packet of 10 plain-coloured pacifiers with simple matching clips. He handed it to the seraph who blushed and smiled sheepishly, placing the packet in the cart and leaning against Sam who chuckled. “It’s alright, he can have all the other ones you picked but that packet should be the last,” Sam said, leaning down and kissing Cas as Dean giggled from on his hip.

“I FOUND IT!!!” came Gabe’s loud voice as he sprinted down the aisle towards them with a huge smile on his face and a black piece of cloth in his hand. He slowed to a stop in front of the two Caregivers and an amused Dean and held up the object of clothing. It unfurled to reveal a soft, black apron with white words emblazoned across the chest.

‘Mini Good Lookin’ Is Cookin’’

Chapter 14: Sam the Moose, Cas the Snow Leopard and Gabe the Giraffe

Chapter Text

Dean felt great. He’d talked with Sam, Cas and Gabe and they had listened. Well, he’d more shouted at them than spoke but they still listened! And now he was perched on Sammy’s hip. He was so high up! He felt so tall! Is this how Sammy felt all the time? He knew he was teetering on the edge of a full slip, his eyes glowing a steady plum colour instead of a pale lilac, but he didn’t want to. He wasn’t quite there yet. Dean may have managed to accept parts of this process, but it all felt like too much too soon and he just wasn’t sure if he could fully let go just yet. Instead, he was content to float in this middle space, not quite in his headspace but not quite an adult either. He swung his legs a little as they all made their way across the store into another aisle, just watching the passing scenery from Sammy’s shoulder until they all turned left into an aisle full of colours.

Toys.

Toys. Were. Everywhere.

Dean wriggled in excitement until Sammy put him down. He took off at a little jog down towards the section that drew his attention the most, his feet tripping a lot more than usual thanks to his half-headspace. He could see his target in sight, and he didn’t care about anything else. He could hear Sam and the angels calling after him, but he just wanted to touch the soft, colourful toys he was aiming for. He stretched out a hand as he got closer and closer when suddenly his foot caught. His world tilted and he landed face-first on the hard floor.

Sam chuckled as he lowered Dean to his feet. At the sight of the toys, the short man had begun to wriggle and squirm making it difficult to hold him. Cas pushed the cart behind him with a smile as Gabe walked ahead at a quicker pace to stay close behind Dean who was taking off down the aisle towards the stuffed toys. Sam found the way his brother was tripping and stumbling adorable, obviously being so close to his headspace affected his motor skills. He recalled Dean’s medically induced slip in the hospital and how his legs had given out beneath him which made Sam assume he wouldn’t be able to walk when Little. Maybe it was something they could work on with him.

“Slow down, Dean,” he called as he saw the man tripping more and more the faster he went. His eyes started to glow a pale orange as he felt an impending accident.

“Dean, buddy, walk,” Gabe tried to call to the short man who was only a few feet in front of him, but Dean didn’t seem to hear him.

The world seemed to slow down as the three Caregivers saw the short man’s feet trip one more time, his foot not being able to catch him before he pitched forward and landed on the floor with a smack, legs sprawling and hands barely stopping his nose smashing into the ground. “Dean!” Cas called as he and Sam rushed forward, the cart getting pushed off to the side as they made it to the shell-shocked man on the floor, Gabriel already there and pulling the boy to sit up. Dean didn’t seem to be responding too much, Gabe having to pull him up and sit him back as he checked him over for injuries.

“Dean, you okay buddy?” the archangel questioned, noticing two very red knees and a little welt on the small man’s chin. Dean paused for a second, plum eyes meeting Gabe’s amber before they filled with tears and he burst out crying. Dean’s arms reached up towards Gabe, the man complying instantly and standing, pulling Dean up to his chest and wrapping his arms under his butt and around his back.

Dean locked his legs around Gabe’s waist and looped his arms around his neck as he spluttered into his shoulder. He didn’t even really know why he was crying, his knees and chin hurt yeah but it wasn’t a call for tears. He’d just seen Gabe’s concerned face in front of him, checking him over for injuries and seeing if he was okay, and felt the need to burst into tears. He hiccupped and sniffled into the archangel’s shoulder as he calmed down, feeling Gabe’s arms holding him close and grounding him. He took some deep shuddery breaths and leaned back in the angel’s hold, resting his hands on the angel’s shoulders.

Gabe looked into Dean’s watery plum eyes as the small man frowned. “Ouch,” the man mumbled with a pout. “Tha’ hurt…”

“I know buddy, that was a pretty big fall, huh?” Gabe said as he bounced the man a little, noticing Cas and Sam’s concerned faces from behind Dean. He gave them a nod to let them know he was okay and they both physically relaxed, their eyes dimming a little. Gabe turned his attention back to the man in his arms. “Where were you trying to get to in such a hurry little man?” he questioned, silently hoping the young man didn’t mind the nickname. He was trying to be extra cautious since Dean’s emotional rant earlier.

“I wan’ed tuh-…to-…to see the stuffy toys.” The half-slipped man muttered, seeming to struggle with speaking his words. Gabe looked to where Dean was pointing over his shoulder and saw the wall of stuffed animals just a little further down the aisle. He looked back to the man and saw him pouting again. “Bu’ I wan’ed to walk dere…” he mumbled, arms crossing across his chest as Gabe smiled in response.

“You can walk little buddy,” Gabe said, lowering Dean to the floor as he unlocked his legs from around his waist. “All you got to do is hold my hand though, that way you can’t go too fast and fall again. Sound good?” he said, seeing Dean beam up at him in response and nod enthusiastically. He took the short man’s hand and began walking down towards the stuffed toys, glad the distraction was working to divert the boy's attention from the fall. He heard Cas and Sam chattering to each other as they walked, knowing they were following with the ridiculously full cart. Dean stumbled along beside him with a big smile as they reached the wall of stuffies.

“Right buddy, stuffy time!” Gabe said happily as they stopped in front of the collection, watching Dean start to bounce up and down in excitement. He spared a glance at Sam and Cas to see both men were studying the nearby baby toys and picking some off the shelf before depositing them in the cart they’d left just behind Gabe. The archangel felt a tugging on his hand and looked back to Dean who was trying to pull him down towards a few stuffed toys. “What you found bud?”

“Look at dis one!” Dean said happily, pointing to the stuffy that had drawn his gaze the most. He didn’t know how to feel about this difficulty with his speech and how silly he sounded, but at the minute he had more pressing matters. He needed to save some of these stuffies from the store and take them home to live with him. But there were so many! How was he ever going to choose just a couple of friends? Well, he’d found one he had to take home for sure. He pulled the stuffed lamb out from between the shelves and stuck it under Gabe’s nose, the archangel having to lean back with a huff of surprise.

“Woah,” Gabe said as his face was full of fluff. He leaned back and saw the white stuffed lamb Dean had been so drawn to. He took it in his spare hand and turned it over to study it. “That’s a good choice buddy,” he said, smiling at Dean who was positively shining with joy. “Shall we put her in the cart?”

“Him!” Dean said with a pout. Gabe tilted his head, confused, so Dean continued. “Dat’s a him. Dis is a her,” he said, crouching down and grabbing the fluffy orange octopus stuffy from the shelf closest to the floor. Gabe chuckled at the boy’s indignation and walked him over to the cart.

“Well, we better tuck them in next to each other safe in the cart then, yeah? That way they can make friends,” he said as he placed the lamb on top of some other baby toys, Dean standing on his tiptoes to reach forward and place the octopus next to the other stuffy. “There, good job bu- woah!” Gabe exclaimed as he was sharply pulled around again as Dean tried to race back to the stuffy wall. “Slow down Dean, what did we talk about?” he said, pulling Dean’s arm to slow him down.

“Sowry…” Dean mumbled, looking at the ground before looking up at Gabe again and pointing to the wall. “Can we goes dere please?” he questioned with a sweet smile, hoping that Gabe would let him get just a bit closer to the wall. That way he could grab a couple more fluffy friends before they left. What? He really liked stuffies.

Gabe grinned at the boy’s manners and nodded, chuckling when Dean dragged him forward again at a much slower pace. The boy began scouring the wall again, his tongue stuck out in concentration. It was adorable. In just a few minutes, Gabe had two more stuffies in his arms whilst Dean had one. Gabe placed the snow leopard and the moose into the cart whilst Dean went on his toes again and placed the giraffe next to the moose.

“See? Da moose is Sammy, da lep-…lopa-…lepad is Cas, and you is da giraffe,” the short man said with a big smile, Gabe noticing how the moose was placed in the middle of the snow leopard and the giraffe in a little cuddle. A position he had been in plenty of times with his lover and brother. He smiled at Dean and scooped the boy up, swinging him round as Dean giggled madly. He stopped and placed him on his hip.

“That's so cool honey, those are good choices,” Gabe heard Cas say from behind him, turning in time to see him pretend to be a snow leopard with his fingers as claws and giving a tiny roar. Dean laughed and copied Cas as Sam came up and chuckled at the big moose in the cart, shaking his head in disbelief.

“Did you choose that Gabe?” he questioned, the archangel laughing at the taller man.

“I did Sammy!” Dean said, throwing himself towards his older brother, Sam catching him and letting him latch on as Gabe passed him over to the taller man’s hip. “You like it?” Dean asked with a smile.

“I think it’s an awesome choice, buddy,” Sam said, booping Dean on the nose before looking over the cart. It was full of different toys and stuffies and clothes and pacifiers and bottles and bibs and cups and all sorts. It was basically overflowing. He was just glad they had the angels that could zap everything back to the bunker once they’d paid for it. “Let’s go get this stuff paid for at the checkout, then we can go home,” he said, bouncing Dean a little as they began walking towards the front of the store. Gabe pushed the cart as Cas walked beside him explaining a few of the toys they had picked out for Dean.

“Nuh-uh, Sammy,” Dean said with a frown. He didn’t want to leave just yet! He wanted a burger, a big cheeseburger. From the place upstairs that smelled so good. He pointed up as Sam looked at him in confusion. “I wan’ a burger Sammy, no go home yet,” he pouted to get his point across, pleading with his plum eyes to his brother who seemed amused.

Of course, Dean was thinking with his stomach. Sam chuckled and shook his head, the boy in his arms pouting in annoyance. “Sure buddy, we can pay and then go get a burger from upstairs,” he said, watching as Dean’s purple eyes lit up with joy. Sam was loving this, seeing Dean so happy and carefree. Sure, he wasn’t properly slipped but he’d never seen his brother this relaxed since…ever. He looked at his brother now as he walked. The man was perched happily on his right hip, swinging his legs as they walked along and resting one arm around his taller brother’s shoulder. The other was creeping slowly up towards his mouth. Sam wasn’t even sure Dean noticed what he was doing but as he carried him along, he noticed the man’s left hand started against Sam’s chest before it migrated to his own and then up towards his face. Just as they were reaching the checkout area Sam glanced over again and saw that Dean had his thumb firmly in his mouth and was sucking it happily.

Cas and Gabe worked to empty the cart’s contents onto the conveyor belt so the cashier could start scanning the objects through. Both angels gave Sam a gleeful grin as they noticed Dean sitting happily sucking his thumb in his brother’s arms, Sam grinning back at them with equal glee as his heart fluttered with excitement. Once the cart was empty, the celestials pulled it around to the other end of the checkout and started filling it up again as the cashier scanned through the products. Sam was passed a plain green pacifier with a clip from Cas, and he quickly stuck the rubber nipple in his mouth to get off any germs that could be lingering there from the packaging. He pulled Dean’s thumb from his mouth, the boy giving an annoyed whine as the appendage was removed, and quickly replaced it with the pacifier.

Dean couldn’t help the whine that escaped from him when Sam pulled his thumb from his mouth that he didn’t even realise he’d stuck in there in the first place. He froze a bit when it was suddenly replaced with a rubber pacifier nipple. He held it in his mouth for a moment as Sam clipped the matching green clip on his shirt before looking up at him with a smile. Dean didn’t know whether to spit out the object or just accept it. He battled his brain for a second, feeling his eyes flickering between plum and lilac before he thought ‘f*ck it’ and started suckling on the rubber, leaning into his brother more and putting his head on his broad shoulder. This was fine and this was normal, he repeated to himself in his head as he watched the angels finish filling the cart again and paying for the products.

Sam smiled as Dean started sucking on the pacifier and rested against his shoulder with a sigh. He’d thought Dean was going to spit it out and start yelling at him for a second, his heart clenching as Dean's eyes flickered like a lightbulb between the two shades of purple. He rocked from side to side as he carried Dean out of the store with the angels, standing strategically in front of the cart so Gabriel could quickly mojo the clothes to the bunker. Once the cart was empty and returned to its brethren outside the store, he explained Dean’s want for a burger and the group walked over to the elevator, Dean bouncing up and down in Sam’s arms as they ascended to the second floor.

The group was surrounded by the smells of various foods and the sounds of chatter, clattering cutlery, and sizzling food. Sam carried Dean over to a burger place and asked for a table for four, the server seated them quickly and provided them with three adult menus and a Little menu. Little menus differed from children’s menus as the portions were slightly larger to accommodate the adult bodies they would be nourishing while maintaining the more child-like options.

Sam sat in the booth and slid Dean towards the wall next to him, Gabe and Cas sitting on the opposite bench. Sam placed the colouring side of the menu in front of Dean along with some crayons the restaurant provided, he knew what Dean wanted so he didn’t need to ask. Dean looked up at him a bit confused and Sam’s heart dropped a little. Did Dean not get to do colouring as a kid? “You colour it in Dean, with the crayons buddy. Like this,” he said, leaning forward and grabbing a red crayon to start colouring in the train in the background of the picture. He then passed the crayon to Dean who stared at it for a second before starting to slowly colour in different parts of the picture. Sam grinned and sat back.

“Hi, what can I get you guys today?” a cheerful young woman said stepping up to the table.

“Hi, can I get a Little cheeseburger please with some orange juice? And a Ceaser salad with no dressing and a co*ke please,” he asked the waitress, smiling at her as she wrote down the order and turned to the two angels.

“Anything for you two?” she asked.

“Just a strawberry milkshake for me please,” Cas said with a small smile, taking the blue crayon Dean was waving at him and leaning across the table to colour where the small man pointed. The waitress smiled at the interaction before turning to Gabe.

“I’ll have your waffles with strawberries, whipped cream and chocolate sauce please,” he said with a huge smile, winking across at Sam who rolled his eyes at his angel’s sweet obsession.

“Awesome, I’ll get those started for you now,” she said, pausing before walking away. “I just got to say, your little boy is adorable,” she smiled at Sam and the angels, all three sharing a grin before thanking her and watching her retreat to the kitchen. They turned back and saw Dean holding a crayon out to each of them, his pacifier bobbing in his mouth with his plum eyes fixed on them all patiently. The Caregivers each took a crayon and started colouring where Dean directed them with jabs of his finger.

They sat like that for fifteen minutes, colouring where instructed whilst waiting for their order to arrive. At one point, Sam attempted to colour part of the car Dean was working on with a bit of yellow and the boy immediately swatted at his hand, spitting out his pacifier which dangled from the clip against his chest. “No Sammy!” the boy said loudly, a scowl on his face. “Dun touch my Baby, you gonna ruin her,” he grumbled, picking up his pacifier and popping it back in as he went back to colour over the yellow with his black crayon. Sam had paused in surprise as the two angels laughed at him and he quickly went back to colouring the sun with his yellow crayon.

The food arrived and they all chowed down, Gabe letting out some obnoxious-sounding moans in his first couple of bites that had Sam giving him bitch face #22. Dean had giggled madly around his mouthful of burger as Sam told Gabe off, Cas trying his best to hide his smile behind his straw. By the end of the meal, Dean had more burger sauce on his face than he had in his stomach. His eyelids were getting droopy and Sam could feel the short man leaning heavily against his side. Cas reached across and wiped the boy’s face clean with a tissue before Sam slipped out the booth, pulling his brother with him.

“Come on Dean, let’s get home huh?” he said, lifting his brother under his arms and holding him against his chest. Dean curled up into his hold, letting his legs dangle either side of Sam’s hips and tucking his arms between their two chests, resting his head on his brother’s shoulder. Sam lifted the pacifier from Dean’s chest and popped it in the small man’s mouth, Dean sighing happily in response as he suckled sleepily.

The group paid at the front and left the mall, walking around the side of the building so they could teleport away without being seen. Gabe and Cas placed a hand on each of Sam’s shoulders and a second later they were back in the war room, Dean giving an uncomfortable whine from where he lay. Cas channelled some grace into the man to quell his nausea again and led the way to the nursery so they could change Dean. The young man was almost asleep but still needed to get changed and be put in a diaper. Sam wasn’t going to make that mistake again and be woken up by a distraught Big Dean again.

They made it to the nursery which was now fully stocked with everything they had bought from the store, including all of Dean’s new stuffed friends that were waiting for him in his crib. Sam carried the man over to the changing table and laid him down, Gabe moving to rearrange the crib and Cas moving to pick out some sleeping clothes. Sam stepped away from the table to reach into the changing supplies when he heard a small cry. He stood up and looked over to Dean, the small boy was curling his legs up on the table as he blinked open his eyes to reveal vivid violet eyes that were growing watery. Sam gasped, catching the two angels’ attention who also felt their breaths stop at the sight. Dean had slipped. The boy saw everyone looking at him and promptly burst into tears, reaching forward with his arms towards Sam.

“Dah-dee!” the boy cried. Sam felt tears spring to his glowing orange eyes as he stepped forward. “Da-…Dah-…Daddy! The boy cried as Sam scooped him up and held him close, rocking from side to side as he turned to face the two angels. Cas and Gabe were smiling at him madly with watery orange eyes. He stared back in content shock as he muttered to the boy.

“It’s ok, baby, you’re okay. Daddy’s here. Daddy’s got you,” he muttered, pressing kisses to the top of Dean’s head. It felt almost alien to say it out loud, but it felt so right. “It’s alright baby boy,” he rocked as the boy calmed down and started to even out his breaths. Soon enough, Dean was asleep on his chest, his breath coming in little huffs. Sam gently laid down the Little on the changing table, popped the pacifier back in the Little's mouth, and turned round to the angels to be immediately being bombarded with hugs.

“Oh my dad, Samoose!” Gabriel whisper yelled so as to not wake the sleeping baby. “He called you Daddy! You’re his Daddy!” Gabe shook Sam’s shoulder, the man laughing as he was jostled about.

“I’m so happy for you Sam!” Cas said, pulling Sam down for a kiss, Gabe doing the same once they broke apart. “This is amazing, he’s finally letting go,” he said, rubbing the tears from his now blue eyes and glancing at the sleeping boy. “We should probably get him changed and in bed though.”

Sam chuckled and gathered the clothes Cas had chosen out. He made quick work of undressing the Little and putting a diaper on him before slipping him into a lime green long-sleeve, legless onesie that snapped close at the crotch with thin white stripes across it. On the front were the words ‘LITTLE MAN’ positioned above and below a black moustache. He then slipped on the fluffy lime green sleep socks and removed the pacifier so he could replace it with a matching green and white one Cas had chosen out specifically for this outfit. Dean stirred with a whine as Sam switched the pacifiers but calmed once Gabe rubbed a hand up and down the small man’s hairless legs. Sam clasped the end of the pacifier clip to the front of the onesie and brushed some of his brothers hair out his face gently. The group all smiled down at the small boy who was finally letting go, finally being himself. They all felt pride and love swell in their chests.

Sam scooped Dean off the changing table and carried him over to the crib, Gabe having already lowered the side so he could place Dean in easily. Once laid flat on his back, Dean stretched his limbs subconsciously to starfish a little as Cas grabbed a nearby cowboy-themed blanket and draped it over Dean’s legs up to his chest. The boy’s arms were still free so he could move if he wanted but he would remain warm and cosy. Gabe crossed to the dimmer switch and turned it until the desert and ceiling displayed a nighttime scene complete with stars and a moon that cast a very faint glow around the room, enough to be able to see but not enough to be disturbing. Sam flicked on the mobile and watched as the horses began to spin, emitting ‘Hey Jude’ in an instrumental melody quietly.

The group all smiled, leaning to give Dean kisses on his forehead before raising the side of the crib and slowly backing out of the room. They all walked to the Dean Cave in silence before collapsing on the sofa in a cuddle pile, much akin to the one Dean had made earlier in the cart using their stuffed animal counterparts. They chatted for a while about how the day had gone so far before the tall man in the middle began to taper off, his responses becoming few and far between as he slipped slowly towards sleep.

Once soft snores emitted from between them the two angels shared a smile before Gabriel flicked on the baby monitor and both settled snugly against their giant lover so they could rest their eyes for a while. The bunker fell quiet as all it’s members napped, content in their loving atmosphere.

Chapter 15: Make It Official

Chapter Text

Dean woke up slowly. He was warm and comfy and…his chest didn’t hurt? Huh. That’s weird. The aching pain of his heart literally f*cking itself over wasn’t there, as it had been since that stupid ghoul hunt. He stretched his limbs out hearing them crack a little bit before he began to blink his eyes open. There was no assault on his eyes from a bright light as he had been expecting. Instead, above him was a dark night sky with a glowing moon casting a soft glow around him. Dangling above his head he could see the outline of the horse mobile Sammy had pointed out to him when he first saw his nursery. He sat up and saw that he was in fact in the nursery, the western walls changed to a nighttime scene beyond the bars of his crib that were raised so he wouldn’t roll out in his sleep.

But why wasn’t his chest hurting anymore? Sure, there was a tiny, little bit of pain there, but it was nowhere near the constant it had been just that morning. The fogginess of sleep was still muddling his brain and he couldn’t think properly. He looked around the room, his eyes landing on the changing table as his memory came flooding back. He’d slipped. He’d fully just let go and slipped.

He recalled the day’s events. Sam carrying him as they teleported home after their food as he sucked on a pacifier. Cas soothing his nausea with grace. The Caregivers all carrying him to the nursery. Sam placing him down on the table to change him. In that moment, when Sam had let go of him and moved away to wherever, Dean had felt so scared and lonely. He wanted his Sammy back and he didn’t understand where he had gone in his sleepy daze. Then he’d slipped. He supposed it was an accident but there was also a part of his brain that knew it probably wasn’t. He’d felt so safe and loved and cared for today, more so than he had in a very long time. Who could blame him for just letting go at that moment?

Then it dawned on him. He’d called Sam ‘Daddy’. Oh god, oh f*ck. Sam was probably so mad. Dean felt his chest tighten a little as he sat on the plush mattress of the crib, his hands automatically grabbing his blanket close as his breath quickened a little. Surely Sam would be mad? Why wouldn’t he be? But would he? Dean’s mind raced as he tried to just sort through his thoughts. There were just too many and they were all so overwhelming. He wanted Sammy, he wanted his Dadd-NO. He wanted Sammy.

“Sam…” he said, it coming out as more of a whine than anything loud enough to be heard outside of the room. His breathing was getting more laboured, and he felt tears prickling his eyes. Why was he crying? Why was this so overwhelming? “Sammy…” he whined a little louder, still cringing at how pathetic he sounded. He heard footsteps from out in the hallway jogging closer, the heavy footsteps that could only belong to one moose of a man. The door swung open, and the light of the hallway spilled in illuminating the form of Dean’s younger brother, his eyes glowing orange in the dark of the room.

“Dean? What’s wrong little man?” he asked, concern lacing his voice as he wound the dimmer on the wall till the scenery around the room changed to a soft morning light. He spotted Dean sat upright in his crib clutching the cowboy themed blanket close to him. His eyes were desperately pleading at Sam and the younger noticed they were green, not purple, this was Big Dean. “Dean, you okay dude? What’s going on?” he said softly, moving forward and lowering the side of the crib to access his brother. He knelt down next to the crib as Dean’s hand flailed wildly out towards him, Sam immediately knowing what to do and pulling his brother's palm to his chest. He knelt motionless for a minute, just breathing in and out slowly so Dean could copy the rhythm. After a short time, Dean’s breathing was back to normal though his hand was a little shaky in Sam’s grip.

“I’m sorry,” Dean mumbled as Sam released his arm, he tucked it back close to his body under the warmth of the blanket.

“Hey, you have nothing to be sorry for,” Sam replied, reaching forward to unclip the pacifier strap dangling from Dean’s chest as his eyes faded back to their usual hazel colour. He unclipped the pacifier from the strap and tucked it into his pocket, placing the strap on the nearby side table. “What’s going on?” he asked, his attention focused back on his shaking brother. Dean looked up and met his gaze looking lost.

“I…I don’t even really know,” Dean admitted. It was true, he didn’t know. In his logical brain, he knew Sam wasn’t mad at him and he knew his chest wasn’t hurting was a good thing. However, a more illogical, anxiety-driven part of him screamed that something was wrong and that he was burdening everyone around him. The self-hate swirling inside him was almost suffocating and what made it worse was that he had enjoyed the feeling of being Little. When Sam had placed him on that changing table, he’d felt so loved and safe and wanted. And he felt so small. Yes, he was short anyway, so he was used to feeling small, but this was different. This was the kind of small where he could let go of all his problems and worries and just let someone else take care of him. It was the kind of small where he could curl up in the hold of another person and just exist without pain. He craved to feel that small again.

“It’s okay not to know,” Sam said from next to him, pulling his attention back to reality as he felt his eyes fading into lilac, reacting to the leftover pheromones in the air from Sam’s concerned entrance. Sam smiled at him softly as he watched his brother’s eyes begin to glow, a warm feeling starting in his chest at his brother’s progress with his classification acceptance. “You want to try explaining how you feel?” he said, reaching forward to brush Dean’s hair back out of his face.

“I think…I just woke up and felt…felt lonely? I don’t know,” Dean started, leaning into his brother’s touch. “I had too many conflicting thoughts in my head, and it was too much…I wanted to just have…” he paused, feeling embarrassed. He looked down at his lap as he fiddled with his blanket, refusing to look up at Sam. “I just wanted to have you here…” he mumbled, just loud enough that Sam could hear.

Sam sighed and smiled at his blushing brother. “Dean, it’s okay to want someone with you,” he said, moving his hand from Dean’s head to place it on his skinny shoulder. “Even when you’re big it’s okay to want people around you.”

“No that's not it,” Dean said, sighing in frustration. How could he say this without wanting to f*cking kill himself in embarrassment? “I wanted…I wanted you here because I…ughhhhh,” he groaned, covering his face with his hands. This was awful.

“Because…?” Sam prompted, a warmth fluttering in his chest. He was sure he knew what Dean was going to say, but he wanted to hear it come from Dean himself. His heart was beating hard in excitement. If Dean admitted this, then this was a huge step in the right direction.

“Because…” Dean started, taking a deep breath and deciding to just rip the band-aid off. “BecauseIfeltreallysafeandilikedfeelingsmallandit’sstupidbutikindofmissitandilikedtheideaofyoualltakingcareofme-”

“Woah, Dean, slow down,” Sam chuckled, cutting his brother off before he started to go purple. “Breathe. You aren’t going to be able to talk to me if you’re passed out. Try again.” Sam said reassuringly, rubbing his hand on Dean’s shoulder as the man panted. Dean closed his eyes and took a deep breath before starting again.

“Because I felt really safe earlier, it was weird. I enjoyed you all looking after me at the mall and I know it’s stupid but I kind of miss it. I just got to be carefree and do whatever I wanted whilst you guys looked after me, and I actually liked the idea of you all looking after me. I’ve never had that before. And this is going to sound even more stupid, but I really liked feeling so small, especially before I went to sleep and I called you…you know…” Dean tapered off, his face growing hot again with embarrassment as Sam looked at him with a soft gaze.

“When you called me Daddy?” Sam asked with a smile. Dean looked up, lilac eyes meeting his brother’s hazel as he nodded and started biting his lip as he tended to do when anxious. Sam noticed the nervous tick and immediately pulled his brother’s lip out from between his teeth. “Dean, I know that all those feelings were probably new and scary, but they’re normal. The fact that you were comfortable enough when slipped to claim me as your Daddy is amazing,” Sam said with a smile, the blush on Dean’s cheeks fading as he kept studying his brother’s face. “And you’ve made so much progress, Dean, it’s incredible. You’ve come so far in just a couple of days after having your whole life flipped upside down. I couldn’t be prouder of you.”

Dean looked up at Sam with wide eyes. His brother was proud of him? Sam met his gaze, trying his best to pour every ounce of sincerity he could into his eyes so that Dean knew he was being truthful. Dean felt warmth blossom in his chest as his eyes faded to a deep plum colour, he was in that middle spot again and he was surprised by how unbothered he was by it.

“You mean dat?” he mumbled in shock. The difficulty speaking was back but he genuinely couldn’t bring himself to care. All that mattered right now was his brother’s next words.

“Yes, Dean-Bean, I mean it,” Sam said with a smile, rubbing his thumb over his brother’s cheek to wipe away the shocked tears that had leaked out. Dean didn’t even realise he was crying until he felt the wetness being smeared across his skin. Sam was proud of him. Sam wasn’t mad. “You can be Little as much as you want buddy, it’s who you are. We will always be here to look after you and give you as much love as you can handle. If you want to be small, then be small. There’s no reason to stop yourself,” Sam said as he watched Dean’s body language change. His brother seemed to sag with relief and all the tenseness rushed from his posture.

Suddenly Sam had an armful of Dean as the shorter man launched himself into his brother’s chest, wrapping his arms around the tall man’s neck and burying his face in his shoulder. Sam wrapped his arms around Dean’s slightly shaking frame and held him tightly. Dean stayed like that for a small while, Sam holding onto him as he relished in the warmth and comfort of his hold. Eventually, he leaned back, breaking the lock his brother's arms had made around him, and sat back on his bed. He pulled the blanket back over him as the onesie he was wearing left his legs bare and he was still feeling the usual chill that followed post-sleep.

“Can I ‘tay here for a mimute?” he asked Sammy, his clumsy speech making his brother smile. “I wanna fink ‘bout some stuff.”

“Sure, cowboy,” Sam said, standing and ruffling Dean’s hair as the boy giggled at the nickname. “You come find us when you’re ready. But if you feel like being small you call us through the baby monitor, alright? I’ll be in the kitchen with Cas and Gabe.”

“Okay, Daddy!” Dean replied without thinking, suddenly realising what he said and slapping his hand over his mouth with wide plum eyes. Sam just chuckled and winked at Dean as he left the room, leaving the young man alone with his thoughts.

What the f*ck was that Dean? He chastised himself as soon as the door shut behind Sam. He’d just called his younger brother ‘Daddy’ when he wasn’t even slipped! No, he was half-slipped, that’s why. That has to be why. Yeah. That’s it…

Nope, that wasn’t it, he’d willingly called him ‘Daddy’. Oh my god, what had gotten into him? Everything was happening so fast; shouldn’t he be feeling more resistant to all this stuff? His mind seemed to be accepting all of this way too quickly. Was he really that desperate for the love and attention that he was just jumping at the chance of a happy life? He couldn’t hunt anymore; he couldn’t fulfil his purpose. There was no way he’d ever be allowed to hunt again, nor would he be able to with his stupid epilepsy. But this Little sh*t with Sam and the angels didn’t seem so bad…doing whatever he wanted whilst having people take care of him wasn’t the worst way to spend his life. In fact, it sounded like the best possible scenario for him at the minute.

But wouldn’t that mean Sam, Cas and Gabe had to adopt him? If he really wanted to do this, he would have to give up everything. He’d already lost his dignity long ago in the hospital so who gives a f*ck about that, but he would have to give up all rights to big, life-changing decisions. And there were sure to be rules implemented by the Caregivers around the bunker as well. Control had been the only thing he grappled for with such ferocity in his life, could he really give it all up?

He thought about Sam. How his younger brother had been ecstatic for the chance to take care of the person who had practically raised him and cared for him his whole life. He thought of his gentle touches, reassuring words, and warm embraces. He thought of how happy he’d looked to see Dean enjoying himself earlier that day.

He thought of Gabriel. How an archangel of the f*cking Lord had looked at him with such love and adoration as he helped him pick out stuffed animals in a Little’s toy aisle. He thought of the short man’s jokes, his rough-and-tumble nature, and how protective he was of those he cared for. He thought of how concerned the angel had looked when he had fallen in the store and how quick he was to sprint to his aid.

He thought of Castiel. The seraph that had gripped him tight and raised him from perdition, who now held him tight and carried him after a PTSD flashback. He thought of the angel’s small gestures, his caring smile, and his natural inclination to just keep Dean safe. He thought of how the angel had carried him, blood-covered and practically dead, all the way back to the bunker after his own stupid decisions had landed him in a bad spot.

All three Caregivers had every chance over the years to just walk away and never return, just abandon him and not look back. But they didn’t. And even after discovering he had been lying to them for years they were still here, they hadn’t dropped him the moment the betrayal came to light. They had stayed with him, looked after him, and helped him accept his new situation and cope with his new medical issues. The love and support they had shown floored Dean now as he sifted through all the events in his head. Tears slipped down his face silently as he realised how much he needed the three Caregivers; he’d felt what it was like to be small, and he didn’t think he could give it up. And he wanted to be with them, he wanted to be their Little. In a way, he already was. They just had to make it official.

He made up his mind and crawled off his crib, pulling the blanket with him as he liked the feel of holding it in his hand. He paused as he took a step to the door, quickly turning and grabbing his new lamb stuffy off the bed with his spare hand before turning to leave the room. He opened the door and peeked out before he crept out and shut the door behind him. He walked down the hallway silently; the mixture of the carpeted floor and his fluffy bed socks absorbed the sound of his footsteps. His legs were a little cold, and his definitely-used diaper was forcing his legs apart making his already medication-induced and half-slip-induced stumbling walk even worse. He tripped his way down the corridor towards the kitchen where he knew his family was waiting, his heart beating a little faster with anxiety making it ache more. He clutched his Lamby and blankie tighter, feeding off the comfort and support they provided.

Sam leaned against the kitchen table, both angels seated opposite each other as they chatted about the day. When Dean’s panicked whispers woke them from their sleep, the angels had stirred Sam and sent him on his way to the nursery. Both Cas and Gabe had told him they would be in the kitchen and had sat in wait for their lover, the tall man explaining his conversation with the Little on his return to them. Now they were all curious about what the small man in the other room was thinking about.

“I hope he’s okay,” Cas said, hands laced together on the table as his leg bounced. “He’s been sniffling a lot over the monitor.” Sam reached over and placed a hand on top of Cas’s, the seraph’s leg slowing to a stop as he took Sam’s hand in his own.

“I’m sure he’s fine,” Sam said with a smile. “He’s just got a lot to think about.”

“I think he’s on his way now anyway, Cassy,” Gabe said pointing out the shuffling noises on the monitor sat between them on the table. He reached forward and picked up the device, turning it off once he heard Dean’s door closing both on the monitor and down the corridor.

Less than a minute later, Dean rounded the corner into the kitchen, blanket and lamb in hand and eyes glowing a bright plum. All three Caregivers smiled at the half-slipped boy as he shuffled into the room, making his way over to them all but stopping short about three feet. Sam turned and leaned back against the table, studying his brother’s nervous movements.

“You okay, Dean-o?” Gabe questioned, turning in his seat to show Dean he had his full attention, Cas copying his older brother’s motion.

“Um…I was finkin’…in my room,” Dean mumbled, shuffling from side to side. Cas smiled wider as Dean spoke, he loved the way he spoke when he was bordering on slipping, he found it adorable.

“What were you thinking about honey?” Cas asked as Dean looked up at him with anxiety-filled eyes. Wanting to help the young boy in any way, Cas stood and walked to crouch a little to Dean’s height. “What’s up, sweetheart? Do you want some help saying what you want to say?” he said in a quiet voice. Dean hesitated before nodding eagerly and leaning forward to cup his hand around Cas’ ear, whispering his request into the seraph’s ear.

As soon as the words left Dean’s lips, Cas froze with a gasp passing his lips. Dean tensed up, taking a tiny step back and searching his friend’s face for any signs of anger or disappointment, a reflex he learned from growing up with John. All he found on Cas’s face was shock and joy, his eyes starting to glow orange from Dean’s pheromone output.

“What is it Cas?” Sam asked, itching to know what his brother had whispered. Cas didn’t respond. He looked up to meet Dean’s gaze and gave him a huge, watery smile. Dean started to smile back and, taking that as a signal, Cas rushed forward and scooped the boy up into his arms, spinning as he hugged him tight and laughed. Dean squealed at the fast action before he was giggling in delight too, arms wrapped around Cas’s neck and legs locked around his waist. Surely this had to be a yes!

“Cas, what is happening?” Sam said, huffing out a laugh as he watched his lover stop spinning with his brother.

“He wants us to adopt him!” Cas said with a huge smile, Dean leaning back in his grip with a big smile as well, nodding his head vigorously.

“Wait? Really?! Even me?” Gabriel asked as he stood up in surprise. Dean giggled and nodded again, reaching his arms out to Gabe who wasted no time in running over and grabbing the boy out of his brother’s arms. He held him close and squeezed him tight as tears of joy leaked down his face, the Little just giggling in his arms as he swung his legs back and forth. When Dean leaned back, all three men noticed his eyes were once again a vivid violet.

“Daddy!” Dean squealed, throwing his arms out towards Sam who was still standing in minor shock by the table. The sound of his Little, yes, his Little, calling for him shook him from his mind. He rushed forward and scooped Dean out of Gabe’s hold, pressing a big kiss to the boy’s cheek as he held him on his hip. Dean noticed the tears running down all three men's faces, a look of concern crossing his features. “Daddy, Cas, Gabe, happy?” he questioned, coaxing chuckles from the Caregivers.

“Yes baby,” Cas said, a little choked up still. “We are all very happy. These are happy tears.”

“You’re finally our baby boy, little bear,” Gabe said, reaching forward to tickle Dean’s bare legs. The little boy squealed and kicked to get the tickly fingers off. Daddy laughed as he held him and Dean leaned into his hold. This was great! He had Daddy and Cas and Gabe! They wanted him and he wanted them! He was theirs now!

“I am not waiting a single second more to officially have you as ours Dean-Bean,” Sam said, moving to carry the man into the library where he knew his laptop was. He sat in one of the chairs at the table, shifting Dean onto his lap so his back was to his chest. “We are filling out this adoption form right now!” Dean giggled at his Daddy’s enthusiasm as Cas and Gabe came to stand behind them both.

“Daddy,” Dean said, twisting to look up at Sam who paused in his typing. “Binky?”

“Oh, sure monkey,” Sam said, shoving his hand in his pocket to grab the pacifier he’d put there earlier. He quickly popped it in his mouth to get off any lint and germs before he slipped it into Dean’s waiting open mouth. The Little started suckling and sighed happily, leaning back against Sam as he continued to fill out the areas on the forms.

A couple minutes later the form was complete with all their names and all the sections completed. The Little was stated as Dean Winchester and the adoptive Caregivers were stated as Sam Winchester, Castiel Novak and Gabriel Wilder. Gabe had insisted on the surname as in certain languages it translated to ‘trickster’ and he found it hilarious. Now that the form was completed, there was only one step left. Sam clicked on the next page and watched as his laptop’s built-in webcam turned on and the four of them all appeared on screen.

“Okay, everyone squeeze in,” Sam said, pushing back the laptop a little so everyone fit in the frame. Cas and Gabe leaned in close as Sam wrapped his spare arm around Dean, tickling the man’s ribs and making him laugh. “Alright, 3, 2, 1, smile!” he said, tapping the spacebar to take the photo. He pulled the laptop back close to get a good look as the photo popped up. Sam was smiling in the middle of the picture with Dean sat on his lap, Cas and Gabe leaning over either of his shoulders with big smiles on their faces. Dean was smiling widely behind his pacifier, holding up his lamb and blankie so they could be seen in the photo as well.

“I think it’s perfect,” Cas commented. Dean giggled and pointed at the screen.

“Lamby an’ b’ankie,” he giggled, waving his comfort items in front of his new Caregivers.

“You got your friends in the picture De? That’s so cool,” Sam said, bouncing his legs so Dean went up and down. He did it a couple of times before he stopped. “Hey monkey, why don’t you go play with Cas and Gabe whilst Daddy finishes this off? Then I’ll come play for a bit before dinner and bed.” The Little looked up at him with big eyes before nodding enthusiastically. He turned and reached his arms out to Gabe, the angel happily picking him up and placing him on his hip.

“I think, we should do races in the corridor,” Gabe said to the baby as he started walking back to the kitchen.

“Gabe, he can’t walk,” Cas deadpanned as he followed them out of the room.

“That doesn’t mean he can’t race! The little guy can still crawl!” Sam heard Gabe say as they disappeared out of sight, listening with a smile as he heard Dean start to babble excitedly about racing. Not wanting to miss anything, Sam finished the process, quickly submitting the forms for evaluation and approval. It didn’t really matter to him and the angels, as far as they were concerned Dean was theirs. Plus, Sam was Dean’s legal guardian so no one in their right mind would deny him adoption rights.

He shut off the laptop once the screen ticked send and slammed the lid down shut, quickly standing up and rushing out the library back into the corridor to join the races already underway as Cas and Gabe crawled towards him alongside a very giggly Dean. Lamby and Dean’s blankie were propped against the kitchen doorway safely so Sam waited there, cheering Dean on as they got closer and closer and celebrating the boy’s victory when the angels suddenly slowed down to give him the win.

That’s how they spent the next hour, crawling up and down the corridors in tons of races, Dean winning the majority. The Caregivers all entertaining themselves with interacting with the boy and finding new ways to trip up each other so Dean could win. Eventually, dinner time rolled around, and Gabe made tomato pasta which everyone chowed down happily. After cleaning up Dean and giving him his nightly dose of Carbamazepine, the three Caregivers all tucked him into bed and kissed him goodnight.

Sam crossed to his room and quickly changed into his pyjamas, crawling under his covers and waiting for the angels to arrive as he reminisced on the day. So much had happened, and it was all good. When he woke up this morning, he had no idea he would be ending the day with an adoption. The angels soon arrived and changed themselves, crawling into the extra-large bed on either side of him and snuggling close. Sam sighed and held them both close, muttering goodnights as he listened to them drift off to sleep.

He closed his eyes and smiled. This was the happiest he’d felt in a long time.